I was wondering if anyone here every got an STD from their WS affair. Did you deicde to stay or leave?

I had to get tested for STD's, my husband swore she couldn't possibly have anything, plus he used protection. I can't believe he believes her so blindly. Thank God I tested negative for everything, but I will have to be re-tested for some things again in another 6 months, as they don't always show up right away. it was such a humiliation to go there. I cried the whole time and had to tell the doctor what brought me there to be tested. And again, my WH doesn't seem to understand/get how this is tearing me apart. How could he play with my life like this?
Also I would just like to know from anyone who has an opinion on this. If you were cheated on and given an STD, what would you do? Sometimes the WS can still test negative and give it to YOU, they could just be a carrier. What would you do they gave you an STD that either stays with you for life, like herpes or HPV, or is life-threatening like HIV, would you be able to forgive and stay, or would it be too much and you would have to leave the marriage? I am very interested in any opinions on this, thanks! I don't hear much talk about it or the possibility of it happening. Would it affect your decision to stay or leave the marriage?

Before I knew of the A, I was diagnosed with one of those bacterial could-be STDs. My still didn't tell me. Then after his confession, I went back to the dr., was diagnosed with HPV. H didn't use any thing with her because "she was a health care professional". A stupid one. The fact that she was in another relationship right before him, also during some of reconciliations, and right afterward didn't seem to impact his thinking that she was "safe". It was part of his bad decision making. The "fog".

I'm fortunate, I've gone into remission with it. But, since it is a virus, it can come & go, be in remission or reoccur.

My H & I are 2+ years into recovery. I view the STD as part of the whole betrayal, like the lying, it isn't separate, it was part of his A. When I believed that our reconciliation was the optimal outcome, the STD was among the the factors to forgive. He can't change what he did in the past, none of it. He can't change either the obvious or unforseen consequences to himself, me, the kids, even the OW.

If your tests ever show you have something, treat it medically as well as it can be.

You can decide to divorce over this, over the A.

But if you still want your marriage, a STD is among the things that you forgive, even if in a practical manner you continue to have to deal with it.

Anyway, that's my opinion.

How did your husband feel, say about giving you HPV? Does he have it as well? Thanks for replying. I would also like to know how you forgave him for really risking your life without your obvious consent for him to do so! I really have a problem with grappling with this, concerning my husband's affair.

hi. yes i received a std from my WH. luckily treated with anti- biotics once i realized i that i actually had a std. ( that was how i found out about the affair, went completely insane in the doctor's office.) sadly the infection caused a miscarriage during my 5th month of pregnancy.
to me std's are just another sad and painful consequence of the lies and betrayal. yes he gambled with my life and that of our unborn child, but he chose to do that with the very first lie. I am over the infections, the miscarriage is a memory, but the pain of betrayal is still with me every day.
we have reconciled.
the std's themselves are meaningless and forgotten.

It may seem weird that I, as WS, is posting on this, but I just wanted to offer a suggestion. If you find that there is an STD, I would suggest that you get as much info about it as possible. There are some STDs that are very hard to determine where they originated. I know that's not something you find easy to believe right now but it is true.

My example actually may help Lor as well. HPV is a virus that many times cannot be determined where it originated. If the form of HPV is the type that simply caused irregular paps and has no real visible signs then you would not be able to determine if your "man" has it or not. HPV is also a virus that can lay dormant for 20 yrs. or more in some cases. There are also many cases of women who have HPV but it NEVER shows, and lays dormant always. Unfortunately, if you and or your partner have had more than one sex partner (and that partner had more then one, etc.) there is really no way to determine who really gave it to you.

I don't know what other STDs may be like this. I only know of HPV because I recently have had 2 irregular paps and my Dr. said it "may" be HPV. I did a lot of looking into it. My DH and I have talked about it and he is more concerned about me and my health than anything. He has said that he does not think I got it from the A.

I know there are many many STDs, and this probably does not apply to most of them. I'm just offering some backround to one specific, and suggesting that before you get too stressed, to do some digging and research. I can offer a good place to get answers if you are interested. I know how scary it can be, I just went through it and when my Dr. said it "may" be, I freaked.

I hope this helps. Please understand that I am not in any way trying to lighten the affect of this thought, just trying to help in any way I can. My best to you. Take care.

Charron,
My H hasn't had any signs of it. Nor have I in 2+ years. In fact, when my H went in for testing, our medical is military, they told him I hadn't had it...but I suspect they only looked at my last all-clear results. I know I had to view a 30 minute info film on it before I left the clinic, if I never had it, what the heck was the purpose of that? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

During his A, my H wasn't thinking of putting my health in danger, he wasn't thinking of how he was hurting me, he wasn't thinking of me, or really thinking about consequences, at all.

When he did think about it, it made him feel like scum.

Any part of the A can serve as a focus for what you can't forgive--the lying, the sex, the gifts, STDs, in my case, separations. If you want your marriage to work, at some point you have to forgive the WS. That includes all aspects. Some things may take longer to forgive. Some things are just so hurtful, you may not want to forgive.

But if you have a spouse who is remorseful, contrite, wants the recovery, forgiveness is a gift to both of you. Keeping you from becoming unforgiving and bitter. Freeing your spouse to love you without always dwelling in guilt.

How do you forgive, it's can be a process of finding a time to be alone, going through, even writing down, everything that has hurt you, getting good and mad about it, and then, letting it go in forgiveness...I'm a Christian, so for me it included giving it to God, His to deal with, not mine to wallow in.

Hi Tutter, I do know that about HPV. It actually is just what the OW told my H, that it is very common in anyone with more than one sex partner, and she wasn't necessarily the source. Doesn't exactly sound like a surprise or worry reaction on her part does it? I don't think she believed he was still having SF with me, because if I had it, it did put her at risk if she didn't already have it.

No Lor, doesn't sound surprised or worried. I can see what you are saying, and I am so sorry you have had to face this. I know how scared I was at first. It helps to know the facts and if you want to look for more answers I have found a good place for that. In any event, I wish you the best and for continued clear tests. I go for me next follow-up in Nov. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Oh, I have learned that pre-natals and some other vitamins on top of that can help boost your body to continue to keep it under wraps. They do sell pre-natals over the counter now. Just a thought, I have started taking them to help my body get back to normal. Hope it works. Take care, and my best to you.

Libbie, I, too, was given HPV by my H as a direct result of his affair. I know that's where it came from because neither of us had slept with anyone else prior to that. I had an abnormal result last June, and had a coposcopy (sp??) that came back negative of precancer cells. I tested normal in Feb, but Friday my dr called that once again it was abnormal and I need to go for a coposcopy again.

I chose to look at the STD as a part of the affair. If I would have chosen to leave my H, it would have been because of the lies, deception, and the entire affair, not just the STD. It does make me very angry that he respected me so little that he didn't protect himself, therefore also played with my health. But, it's in the past, and now I need to deal with it medically. What really sucks? My dr dropped my insurance as of the 15th of this month, so now I get to go tell my whole story to another dr. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Do your husbands have HPV as well, or did they simply pass it to you? Is that possible? I would also like to know how the husbands, or wives, live with it on a daily basis, I mean when they see you go to the doctor. I would be so consumed with guilt if I gave my husband an STD, do they seem remorseful? Did they ever apologize, and what have they "done" to help you with this? Not that there is anything medically they could do, but you know what I mean?

I still am really trying to get over this hurdle of him playing with my health. At this stage that is my biggest reason for anger. I know it is not likely, but a BS could even get a deadly STD like HIV or something from an affair.....how on earth do you forgive that? Should you?

Libbie6:

My ex's OW had HPV and had to be scraped out? I have been checked and came out clear in the past year. But before that, right after dday (2 years ago), I had two abnormal pap spears. First time that had ever happened to me and yes, I was also faithful to my husband.

According to my doctor, it can show up as many as 6 years after exposure. It is transmitted to men, who are not affected at all - I believe they are just carriers. From there, it goes to women who develop a much greater chance of "female" cancers as a result. Pretty scary, huh?

Thanks trappeed mom for replying! That IS really really scary. Is that part of the reason he is now your Ex? I wouldn't leave my husband JUST because of an STD, but I think if I test positive I will feel even less capable of forgiving him, or at least trying to reconcile. I just can't imagine living with something like that for the rest of your life, and knowing that the person you really trusted gave it to you. The people who do manage this have my admiration and i hope their WS realize how lucky they are to have such understanding wives!!!!!!

I don't know how I am going to get over this aspect. How do you tell your brain that it is ok that your husband could play with your life and health this way?