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SC,
My anniversary was this past Sunday, three days into Plan B. I spent the day with a friend driving in the country, talking about other stuff, and going to my first casino. It wasn't nearly as bad as I had feared.
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Cadet, This is a hard time but soon the burden will be lifted. A properly executed plan B quells the initial fears quickly. Remember the purpose of plan B is for your benefit. Not hers. At least not yet. For her to benefit, there is some learning, admitting and a turning around of her attitude. The WS futilely (a word??Q?Q) to maintain a staunch hardened attitude bent on self destruction and mowing down most in their path. Remember that you have removed yourself from that path of destruction and are now on the sidelines. It will be painful to watch but the pain will lessen as time goes on, the more you keep busy and realize that there isn't a whole lot you can do for her any more than you can chew her food for her and swallow it for her (I had another example but it was a bit gross). Bottom line is that there are some things one must do themselves and this is one of them. I am proud of your letter and the fact that you are working with Steve. See the crash and burn is not our idea, it is theirs but they will never admit to it. Nonetheless, it is their idea. Keep busy and be strong. You will be fine. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> take care, L.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Just Learning:
<strong>SC,
I think it was definitely time. She was not and is not taking any "credit" for her role in the marriage. I think I will go with K's estimate. He has been there and done that. It was a good letter.
SOOOO, now on to finding a job and getting yourself settled in. I think after a few days perhaps a week, you will notice a lot less tension. No more second guessing: what did she mean by this, or that, or....
Life just is right now. Enjoy the kids, take trip to Austin every now and then, and let time work its magic.
God Bless,
JL</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks, JL.
As a matter of fact, I'm spending labor day weekend there...have to try out that new "keg-erator" my son and his roomate got!!! LOL!!!
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by K:
<strong>SpaceCase,
I'm guessing about two months to crash and burn...
Glad to hear you're doing OK. You ARE doing OK---even when you don't feel like it. In fact, you're doing a terrific job.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks, K. Glad to have you around.
And I AM doing OK!!!
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by worthatry:
<strong>I see K's two months, and raise him (lessen) a week.
ditto his "terrific job."</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks, WAT! I hope you beat K! LOL!!!
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Faith1: <strong>Whew! Glad to get the details. Now... stick to Plan B: No contact. You've seen it all here before... she may try to call you or e-mail you. CHECK with US before you respond, K? We're here for ya Spacey! You're a great husband, and you're doing the best thing you can do for yourself and your family!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks, Faith...good to have you around. She has not attempted any contact...and I don't think she will! Too proud! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hope4future: <strong>I dunno Space, I got a real beef with you men and your insistance of LENGTH! Kidding....very good letter (I think I would have overloaded after the first page however, so give her time to soak all that in). I'm glad for you that atleast you got to move SOMEWHERE...hopefully it proves to be forward!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What do you mean? I don't have ANY problem with length! LOL!!! You've got to say what you've got to say! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by willmakeitwork:
<strong>Dear Space:
I am sorry it has come to this. You probably knew in your heart of hearts it would. K and the others have said it better than I can.
Sending calming prayers your way.
God bless you and your family.
Jack</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Jack, I had a slim hope, but you're right; I knew it was likely to come.
Thanks for your prayers for my family.
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Spacecase... I am truly sorry, you are so strong. I am trying much much more distance as of today... your strength helps me see that it is necessary.
I agree your wife will crash and burn and see what she is missing... if not... what have you lost? A marriage with someone who is not all there in the marriage? We cant be married to people who are noncommitted.
I am proud of you for strength and here with you all the way ! Truly you are a strong man.
hugs to you, honey
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SC,
What a beautiful letter!
My H came in the room just as I started reading it and he asked me to read it out loud to him too. I managed to get about half ways through but then there were too many tears for me to continue. H stepped in and read the rest to me. It was so touching.
It is so impressive that you had the courage to take the next step that felt right to you.
You asked how to show your W unconditional love when you’re in full Plan B. Do you imagine today was the last day that you will be ever be talking to her again in your life? I don’t think so. No one knows when but the day will come. In fact, many of them since you have 3 lovely children together. Every time you communicate with her you will have the opportunity to show it to her.
For the moment, this is your time. Relax. Take a breather. As it feels right, actively work on yourself in order to get the love you need so you have it to share with her. Actively, but not in a pressured fashion, continue to learn more about unconditional love. It’s not something we have much exposure to in our lives so it doesn’t come naturally to us. We’ve had a lifetime of learning the wrong way to love…..now is the time for us to learn the right way.
As for your question regarding whether your “lovey-dovey” actions on the weekend made things worse, I would suggest no one knows the answer to that question for sure...maybe not even your W.
But I would also add two things. First, I may have missed something but I didn’t see any indications that she was going to meet your request to reveal everything before that day so I’m not sure what damage you think you might have done.
Secondly, for all we know that might have been the glimmer of light that will help her find that dark tunnel. Just because she’s not strong enough to crawl all the way through the tunnel the first day doesn’t make it any less valuable.
Every religion in the modern world, that I know of, has unconditional love as its core theme. To me, that says it’s never wrong to offer it to anyone. If we’re supposed to “Love our enemies”, it can’t be wrong for you to love your W, can it? My personal sense is that she’s not trying to manipulate you. She’s trying to find that tunnel back.
You are an inspiration.
E_C
P.S. I was emailing you from an eudoramail address. Do you have a filter on maybe? Once we figure out the problem, I’ll send it to you again.
<small>[ August 27, 2002, 08:37 PM: Message edited by: Extremely_confused ]</small>
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SC:
Well, if that don't blow the $h!t off a flat rock!!
I honestly didn't think it would come to this.
Gee, I go to a workshop, am away from my computer for a few measly hours and the defecation hits the ventelation while I'm not paying attention! Criminy!!!
I liked your plan B letter, though it is 2long. I take a little pride in recognizing some of the stuff I wrote in my draft last month, but I'm even more proud of you for the cool, well thought-out stuff you ended up with. Youda Mang!
As for whether you should worry about what you said/did before? Heckaroons, NO! Ask J.R. He had SF with his W just before plan B!
This is of SC, for SC, and about SC. You have a TON of supporters here! (sheez, 4 pages in one day!!! - I haven't read it all, yet!).
Take care, my friend. This WILL WORK OUT.
Put one hundred and eleventy seven of ol' 2long's hard-earned folding greens on 43 days, 6 hours, 15 minutes, and 13 seconds. But remember, in my field, the error bars are HUGE!
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Hi Spacecase- I wish I had something really amazing to add, but everyone else has already said the smart stuff. Just wanted to let you know I read your thread and I think this was a really good thing, to go to Plan B. Your posts are so great, it's one of the reasons I am becoming addicted to this board (not a bad thing though, right?) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
How are you feeling now- scared, relieved, sad, happy----a little of all those things?
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Extremely_confused: <strong>SC, What a beautiful letter! My H came in the room just as I started reading it and he asked me to read it out loud to him too. I managed to get about half ways through but then there were too many tears for me to continue. H stepped in and read the rest to me. It was so touching.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm a sucker for a moving story like this... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It is so impressive that you had the courage to take the next step that felt right to you. You asked how to show your W unconditional love when you’re in full Plan B. Do you imagine today was the last day that you will be ever be talking to her again in your life? I don’t think so. No one knows when but the day will come. In fact, many of them since you have 3 lovely children together. Every time you communicate with her you will have the opportunity to show it to her.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is exactly what Steve said. And I WILL learn and do it! <strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> As for your question regarding whether your “lovey-dovey” actions on the weekend made things worse, I would suggest no one knows the answer to that question for sure...maybe not even your W. But I would also add two things. First, I may have missed something but I didn’t see any indications that she was going to meet your request to reveal everything before that day so I’m not sure what damage you think you might have done.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I didn't mean to imply that it was the only reason, perhaps a contributor, that's all. <strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Secondly, for all we know that might have been the glimmer of light that will help her find that dark tunnel. Just because she’s not strong enough to crawl all the way through the tunnel the first day doesn’t make it any less valuable.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I love this!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I think you're right...she WILL remember THAT SC, maybe not today, but in a few days, she will. You are SO right! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Every religion in the modern world, that I know of, has unconditional love as its core theme. To me, that says it’s never wrong to offer it to anyone. If we’re supposed to “Love our enemies”, it can’t be wrong for you to love your W, can it? My personal sense is that she’s not trying to manipulate you. She’s trying to find that tunnel back.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I couldn't stop loving her if I tried! And that's the truth...even now I wish I could just give her a hug, and tell her it's going to be OK...I wish someone would... <strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You are an inspiration. E_C </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm just a guy trying to correct the mistakes he made, and to help hiw W do the same. I'm glad I can help others with with my story...that gives me more satisfaction that you know! Thanks SO much EC! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> P.S. I was emailing you from an eudoramail address. Do you have a filter on maybe? Once we figure out the problem, I’ll send it to you again. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not that I know of...the only stuff in the "Bulk mail" folder today was porno! I don't imagine that was you!!! LOL!!!
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by 2long: <strong>SC: Well, if that don't blow the $h!t off a flat rock!!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">???? Uhhhh, you're gonna' have to explain that one to me sometime! LOL!!! <strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I honestly didn't think it would come to this.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Geez, I think even Steve's going to Plan B her! He said to me "I have never seen a more stubborn woman. She is bent on self-destruction; repeating the same mistake over and over and expecting a different result." <strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">the defecation hits the ventelation</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No wonder you guys don't keep track of your projects! You're thinking THIS stuff up!!! VERY good one! <strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I liked your plan B letter, though it is 2long. I take a little pride in recognizing some of the stuff I wrote in my draft last month, but I'm even more proud of you for the cool, well thought-out stuff you ended up with. Youda Mang!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know it's too long, but I only did that to show EC that I don't have a "length problem"! LOL! And yes, yo too were a contributor! <strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> As for whether you should worry about what you said/did before? Heckaroons, NO! Ask J.R. He had SF with his W just before plan B!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Rats! I was SO serious about this, I didn't even TRY to get it! (Don't remind me, though... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ) <strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> This is of SC, for SC, and about SC. You have a TON of supporters here! (sheez, 4 pages in one day!!! - I haven't read it all, yet!). Take care, my friend. This WILL WORK OUT.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thatks, 2L. You KNOW I appreciate having you around! <strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Put one hundred and eleventy seven of ol' 2long's hard-earned folding greens on 43 days, 6 hours, 15 minutes, and 13 seconds. But remember, in my field, the error bars are HUGE! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah! Pretty soon there'll be odds on SC's recovery in Vegas! LOL!!! Place your bets, gentlemen! Maybe the error "bars" would improve if you stopped using those wooden slide rules and switch to calculators! You know, those little electronic things that were invented in the 70's to ELIMINATE slide rules? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <small>[ August 27, 2002, 09:32 PM: Message edited by: Spacecase ]</small>
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Libbie6: <strong>... Your posts are so great, it's one of the reasons I am becoming addicted to this board (not a bad thing though, right?) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> How are you feeling now- scared, relieved, sad, happy----a little of all those things?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know...I'm pretty "addicted" myself! LOL!!! I'm not sure how I'm feeling...relieved, expectant, not really sure...I'm sure it'll hit me full force in a few days! (OUCH!!) Thanks, L6!
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Honey:
<strong>Spacecase... I am truly sorry, you are so strong. I am trying much much more distance as of today... your strength helps me see that it is necessary.
hugs to you, honey</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I will be a happy, happy man if this is a side-effect of my Plan B!!! I mean that Honey, I really do. YOU deserve it!
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SC: "Well, if that don't blow the $h!t off a flat rock!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ???? Uhhhh, you're gonna' have to explain that one to me sometime! LOL!!!" Well, you see? A friend of mine and I came up with this expression from the desire to say some exclamation of surprise, like "if that don't beat all" and combined that with the colloquialism for danger "More dangerous than a cow pi$$in' on a flat rock". Hence the result! "I know it's too long, but I only did that to show EC that I don't have a "length problem"! LOL!" I may have a length problem, but not girth! Ew! "And yes, yo too were a contributor!" Thanks, SC. I sure hope I don't have to borrow from YOUR letter! "Maybe the error "bars" would improve if you stopped using those wooden slide rules and switch to calculators! You know, those little electronic things that were invented in the 70's to ELIMINATE slide rules?" Not much chance of that. In my case, the "errors" I quote most often are "plus or minus 2 Phanerozoics!" Now, I KNOW you can look THAT up! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Main Entry: Phan·er·o·zo·ic
Pronunciation: "fa-n&-r&-'zO-ik
Function: adjective
Etymology: Greek phaneros + English 2-zoic
Date: 1930
: of, relating to, or being an eon of geologic history that comprises the Paleozoic, Mesozoic, and Cenozoic or the corresponding system of rocks -- see GEOLOGIC TIME table
- Phanerozoic noun</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
<small>[ August 27, 2002, 09:56 PM: Message edited by: Spacecase ]</small>
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2ble post
<small>[ August 27, 2002, 10:14 PM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>
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<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Now, image TWO of those! ol' 2long may not be very accurate, but he's precise! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
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