Over the past few weeks, some of us have posted that one of their WH's top EN was a more attractive wife and asked for suggestions. How about we swap? Last night, WS told me that during his C session, he told his C that I am 'too rigid." When the C pressed him to describe what he meant by that, WH said that if we were to go to a "Let Your Hair Down Party," everyone would be in blue jeans and a T-shirt and I would dress business casual - that I won't leave the house without my hair fixed and makeup on. The C asked him if I was status conscious and WH said, "VERY." (I wouldn't say that, but okay).

As we discussed it further, I cited Sunday as an example of when that was not the case. Yes, I fixed my hair, but only because if I didn't, it would hang in my eyes in the front. I did not put on any makeup and wore shorts, a T-shirt and a pair of sandals. His response???? They were business casual shorts. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I have NEVER heard of business casual shorts. He asked why I couldn't have worn blue jeans? UHHHH, because its 100 plus degrees outside???? When I said that they were just casual shorts, he said, "Yes, but the were perfectly ironed." I asked him if I should have gone out with them wrinkled and his response was, "Yes." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I then relayed to him one my vulnerabities w/ re: to appearance and how I never felt like an attractive person and do all of the things I do to make myself feel more attractive. I also told him that you never know who you are going to meet and you only get one chance to make a good impression - I want to put my best foot forward. I truly believe this is a matter of self esteem and pride. But, should I give up on my appearance, become Mother Earth and let my self esteem take a dive?

Brit's Brat/BS-41
WS-43
DS-10 months
Status: Plan A (one last time)

NO,Brit's Brat,,b/c if you give up on your appearance, THAT will become the thing that makes him justify the affair., I swear, sometimes we can't win...

Don't sweat it, BB; if it's not that, it'll be something else...it'll change when his thinking changes.

Just a thought... but maybe your H's idea of an attractive W is one who is a t-shirt and jeans type? I know that one outfit that really turns my H on is (what I call) my "rocker chick" outfit. I wear blue jeans, a tank top, and a lumberjack jacket type flannel shirt on top. It drives him WILD!!!

Perhaps you could talk to your H and find out what outfits he likes best to see you in, and try to work your wardrobe accordingly (when possible).

I think your H has just given you some very valuable insight as to how to fulfil one of his EN's. Try to use it to the advantage of your M. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

Hi BB,

Come on - I wouldn't take it too serious what he is saying. For instance, if you would dress up in a potatoe sack then it certainly would be wrong too. Look - i believe this is one of the instances where a WS just 'rationalises' and picks up a fight on purpose. Unfortunately I have many of these with WW. Try to dig deeper & find out what the REAL underlying concern is. I bet with you - it's not the shorts, but it may be something different, maybe he doesnt feel himself on a par with you (you mentioned status conciousness...)? Whatever it is, try & dig deeper. And dont get thrown off-track by these off-hand insults.
Nick

Hi, your H issue with the shorts/jeans thing reminded me of a personality test I took in college, and H took at his job. It's the Meyers-Briggs personality test. Saved my sanity more that once.

The first time I tried to clean my apt in front of then BF now H, he FREAKED. He thought I was a "neat freak" or something, and wouldn't let me clean. (Which is funny, because I'm NOT!!)

Okay, fast forward 2 years, we took the MeyersBriggs personality test (his was at the same time as mine, ironically, different places.)

Found out he's a "Perciever" (and so am I)...

My mom, however, is the opposite of perciever on the scale. She's what they call an Organizer.

Anyway, she's kind of dressy, even dressed down. Her car, house, and desk are neat, clean, or at least organized, functional and in control.

Percievers tend to be procrastinators on the other hand, have messy cars, houses, and desks, and desire fun.

It's like having an operating manual, maybe you could do a search on the net and test your H! Hugs, and good luck.
-bbs

Hi there,

Just wanted to hop in and say what I started to think when I read this.

I don't know if I've got the point but I think I do.
Alot of men (at least mine) loves it when I look "spontanious" pretty and sexy. For example, the other day I was working around the house and I was painting. Mind, I'm not good at that but I try my best. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I had gotten showered and my hair done (put them up into a knot with a few hanging out) and just my daily "light" make-up, before I started.
I was wearing old torn jeans and a comfortable short top.
Anyways a friend of ours popped in and I got a real good "smile. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Don't ask me why!!! And when my H came home and saw me, his eyes were sparkling. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Again, don't ask me why.

When I was fininshed and I got to see myself in the mirror, I had a great laugh. My face was smacked with paint on one side, my arms were splotted with paint. But I truely think, I looked great!!!!! My H was really turned on!!!!!!
I think that the way I was looking had more sex appeal than being all dressed up and ironed.
I think this might be what your H craves for. The easy going, natural look.

If you have ever looked into "Playboy" you might get the hint. Don't those girls look so natural and beautiful. Never seen any with ironed shorts. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
He might just be trying to explain that he'd like to see you abit more sparky!!
I know, I know!!!!!! You will not change your style and want to walk around looking like a slut. Of course not, but you might just want to think about what he is trying to tell you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He asked why I couldn't have worn blue jeans? UHHHH, because its 100 plus degrees outside???? When I said that
they were just casual shorts, he said, "Yes, but the were perfectly ironed." I asked him if I should have gone out with
them wrinkled and his response was, "Yes." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Think, what is he telling you???
Of course casual, perfectly ironed shorts are practical. Just like you can go to bed wearing pyjamas (buttoned up) or you can go to bed with something silky & short! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

take care
BB

blueberry - hey! I know myers briggs! did it first at training of employer, then again at biz school, then yet again in a training course of past employer! got pretty fed up the third time around. I'm an ENTP, very strong in N and T, weak-ish but nevertheless E and P.

blond - I think key here is that one is aware of its appearance and that one tries to make an effort vis-a-vis spouse too. for instance, (here I am: nagging about the same point about my WW), my wife can do herself up nicely - when going out to meet others. At home, she would just wear the gruffiest things possible, knot her hair up in a not-too-attractive way. Same in bed: no lingerie ever (despite me having bought some for her... nothing outrageous, just something nice and French), just big knickers (you know, the plain ones which finish above your belly button) and t-shirt. It may be comfy and practical - but maybe, once in a while, dress a bit according to what hubby likes...? just once in a while....? [ps - when I tried to suggest it once or twice she got into such a rage that I didnt dare to mention it again]

<small>[ August 30, 2002, 04:33 AM: Message edited by: Nick123 ]</small>

Nick123- isn't meyersbriggs cool? It's helped me understand people, and how to work with them, or at least make sense!! After using it for years, can justify my/others behavior instead of beat myself up. BTW, My H and I are both INFP's, which is pretty rare for him to be Feeler.

Hi BB, I think you look great! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I know how funny men can be... my h likes me dressed up and down... perhaps he is truly giving you a emotional needs hint.. or attractiveness hint. I am sure he sees you as beautiful regardless of the clothes or effects. You are a pretty woman, and smart.. that in itself is very attractive. Try a casual look... blue jean shorts? not the ironed kind.. m.aybe t shirt? It sounds like this is what he wants... less starch?

I am not at all saying anything is wrong with your style... etc. quite the opposite... YOu have great style... but maybe he jsut wants casual you sometime? maybe like some of the pub girls...? He probably may even feel like he cant measure up... sometimes... I know my h has this issue.

ANyway.. hugs and sorry it is sooo hard, hope it is getting better.. ahave a fun weekend. Honey

Hey! Maybe I do wanna swap...

I like being a pony-tail, blue jean kind of girl-- but my H likes business-casual.

I also HATE to iron.

BTW, how is your guy with cleaning the razor-stubble out of the sink, and putting the twisty-thingy back on the loaf of bread?

Seriously-- you guys can work thru this! Try doing "his way" one week, and "your way" the next.

Which, brings me to the next question-- who does your H's ironing? Does he enjoy nicely laundered shirts from the drycleaners?... or do you "slave" over his clothes?

Perhaps he would appreciate the nicely-pressed look if he knew what it felt like to do it for himself?! Just a thought.

If I am "on target" and he is used to being catered to, perhaps you can share the ironing chores? H irons during week one (he has to iron the family's clothes-- YOU ALL HAVE TO WEAR the items he has ironed regardless of how they turn out; the following week YOU do the family's ironing-- everyone wears what you iron). Heck, why not include the kids and make them iron too?!

Could be that H would learn to love those ever-so-crisp clothes, and YOU would learn to ENJOY freedom from the iron... despite a little crinkle here-and-there.

Of course, I could be way off base <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> -- which, if I am, NEVER MIND <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> .

Hugs, ~Marie

<small>[ August 30, 2002, 09:41 PM: Message edited by: ohmy_marie ]</small>

Hey BB!
You doing OK? Give us an update!