I thought I had moved on... I was becoming reconciled with the fact that DV was inevitable. WH had shown no signs of wanting to try at all. We have been separated 6 weeks with minimal contact. Sort of Plan B without the letter. Last night he came over and we talked for about an hour. Very matter of fact conversation - pretty much told WH didn't know if there was anything to save, too much damage had been done. My tone was very much... I. I. I. no longer We. Today I felt that maybe this conversation gave me that extra push I needed to go ahead and file. And then....

WH calls tonight at 10:30 very down asking me for the referral my IC gave me for an IC for him. End up talking for 1 1/2 hours about what he is feeling. He's confused. He was choked up over conversation last night. Doesn't really think he is going to get divorced. Doesn't know what he wants but knows he is messed up. Is sort of mad that I talk in the singular eventhough he knows he is the one who put me there. Called me because he didn't know who else to talk to. And wanted to talk to me.

I thought I had gotten off this roller coaster for good. So why did I cry through most of our conversation and start crying hysterically after hanging up. WHAT DO I DO NOW?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

ajr,

I don't know your story, but from what you have wrote, I don't believe that you are over anything.
Listen deep inside of yourself and ask yourself if you still feel love for you H.

I think that your marriage can become happy again and I believe that you both can make things work. It's just a matter of both of you wanting.

Even though your H has made the biggest "Mistake" of his life, believe me you can still make things work if you are willing to.

I'm talking out of experience. My Marriage was the biggest mess, I felt hopeless and yet we have recovered.
I would never of believed this if anyone had told me this at that time.
Even though we have been married for 22 years I would say that our marriage has gained back the old romance and excitement. We are capable to talk like never before and we have both learned from our past mistakes.

It's not easy and it sure is a roller-coaster but if you really read all you can in MB'S and bring in all the effort you can, it will work!!!

If your H is showing that he wants to work on your marriage, you might consider to give him a chance. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> and if he truely is willing to go through this with you, you will have the best H you could imagine.

take care
bb

You might want to read again about giver-taker and how the BS is the one who has problems coming back. You have probably read all this and are sick of it, but just a suggestion. Maybe this is your taker trying to protect you. Good luck.
I often worry that when or if my WH comes around that it will be too late. Hope not.
S-

Hey AJR!!!

Sorry i have been out of action. we are still looking for a house, and with that I have not set up my computer. But that's a whole other story...

It sounds to me like your WH and YOU are not quite ready to throw in the towel. I wish I could have read this earlier for you, because if i know the roller coaster like i do, things have probably changed in the last couple of days. But I do think that yu need to look in your heart and see what it is saying to you. If you feel that you need to move on then go for it, but if you still have doubts of whether you have given your all... keep your hands inside the ride at all times and hold on!!! I wish you the best. I can't say much more, i am suppose to be finding us a house (or two seperate apartments). Gotta run! I'll talk more later. HUGS!!

I don't know your story, but here's my 2 cents:

There is NO WAY you are "moved on" in just 6 weeks. I felt I had moved on after 5 months, and I'm not. Most experts say anywhere from 1-3 years to truly move on and recover. You are probably just as confused as your WH. If he is truly wanting IC, help him get it, but express to him that he is going to want to change himself and you can only change YOU. By him wanting to go, it may be the first step to recovery, and that's a chance that many of us don't get. If you want to stay married, do everything in your power to help him help himself. Just don't try to think for him or think you know what's best for him. It is going to take time, so be patient.

Wishing you all the best,

NK

Update -

Looks like fog might be lifting. Last night I laid into WH due to two phone calls on caller ID from OW's house. Seems OWH has been suspicious for a while now. He continued his denial and lies about A. I told him that he didn't respect me, I wasn't his doormat and not to call me until he was ready to be honest.

Tonight, he called again to apologize and admitted that I was right all along about it being his secretary. He admitted to a PA starting prior to when he moved out (7/21). Said he wanted out of situation with OW and OWH. Had initally thought I was selfish and OW cared about him. Now thinks the opposite. When we talk I ask him what he wants while OW is all about what she wants. He plans on calling IC tomorrow to set up first appointment. Says he thinks he wants to recover but isn't sure if that's just because he is comfortable with me. Still very confused.

Guess I will have to decide if I want to try again. If I can forgive and trust again someday and if I even want to try.

First bit of foglifting since A started 6 months ago. Guess I should have expected it to take this long but it's been rough.

What do I do now? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I know I need to not get my hopes up since he will see OW tomorrow at work and he could do another 180.