WS and I had been getting closer and getting along better that we have in years. Plan Aing was no probem, seem natural, I did not even think about Plan A, all was going well. W was still moved out of the bedroom, but other that all was improving. W had taken a job at another work location away from the OM (She had told me it will be good for us <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) W had gone 3 moths with NC.
Then the following:
Two weeks ago I told W about being short $ to pay mortgage and explained how it would get paid. I thought W was strong enough to handle this news. W an I had agreed to give our son a set amount of money for high school graduation in June. It turned out that W had given our son an amount exceeding the amount we had agreed on. This put the budget in a tail spin and in turn (i believe) caused the shortage.
Last week I find out that WS had received $ from OM. This is how I found out about the A in the first place. The signs were back, she had contact again. I am really begining to hate this feeling. It's almost like DD again.
I find myself justfying the contact to ease the pain. I heard it said that if you think about anything long enough you will justify it in your mind, good or bad. I guess this is what scares me.
Do I continue to justify W contact with OM to remain in the M? [doormat?]
Or,
Did the W contact OM to help the money situation only or did she contact him for...
I talked with W about her contacting the OM. I asked her in my best non-LB way about the contact and receiving money. W had opened her own checking account that OM was depositing $ in for work she was doing at the begining of the A. At first she was upset and brought up old unrelated issues. But, after I continued to talk she just listened. I told her about me not being able to make her do anything she does doesn't want to do. About there is no room for the OM and the continued contact. She said yes:) to writting a NC letter and me sending it. She said I needed to go out with friends and do something <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> . Part of me agrees with her and part of me is scared to leave her alone. OM lives about 8 miles away in same large town which is near her parents. I am working as many hours extra as I can to help with the $. Maybe I also need t take a second job. W is now working full time when in the past she was only part time. She works 2 partime jobs now. One 9 to 1 pm daily and another 6 to 9pm. So I want to think she wants the M to work. After DD she has the statements for her account mailed to OM house in C/O OM. (it is hard for me to even write this) yet we have not separated or ether of us haven't moved out. DD was when I found her checking account statements with OM name making deposits.
W says she wants to be married to me, then she will say the next week she is not sure what she wants. Just yesterday she said she is doing fine. She told the same thing to the MC about 6 mos. before DD. The MC had asked her what does she want from me and the M and she said she did not know and that was 3 years ago! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I am lost.
Thanks for reading thru such a long post.
Positive
DD: Aug '00
sons 18 and 12
Married 22 years
W's EA turned PA
