This may be long as I always get asked what my story is so I'll start with a recap.

In March, my WH started EA with his secretary. D-day was 4/26. WH never indicated any desire to try and work things out. Continued EA and PA (confirmed about 2 weeks ago) in my face. WH moved out on 7/21. Said he was happier than ever before. OW is married 20+ years, has 3 children between 14 - 21 years old. OWH suspects but doesn't have confirmation of affair.

Have had several conversations with WH last few weeks. Last Thursday talked about OW, R with OW, and whether or not he wanted us to recover. Then nothing, didn't talk for over a week during which time he continued A with OW.

Last night WH came over to pick up mail. He stayed for 2 1/2 hours. And boy did I ever LB if I'm not supposed to talk about OW. But WH stayed and took it. Conversation didn't make him mad just upset. Asked him whether OW was worth giving up all of his dreams. He wants a family and OW is 44. Asked him if he wanted a partner or to save someone. OW always talks about her issues with OWH and is looking for someone to save her. He told me that OW won't tell OWH or leave until she is sure he is done with me. OW thinks he has doubts since he has only moved out but has not filed. Told him that OW doesn't love him and had no intention of leaving OWH. Asked if WH thinks OW loves him. Asked what she has ever sacraficed for him. He could think of nothing. Told WH he needed to get rid of OW and find someone to share his dreams. At this point, I was basically through with WH and this conversation was about him figuring out how to be happy. Asked WH if he was ready to let me go. Told him that OW already destroyed us and to not let her destroy him as well. Told WH that I was his only friend. I'm the only one that knows everything and is willing to call him on the carpet about what the he** he is thinking. Told me that he hasn't told OW about fessing up to everything to me. She's afraid that if I have confirmation that it is her, I will tell OWH. Asked WH how this could be the perfect relationship if he can't even be honest with OW. Talk about an LB!!!

Tonight, WH called again and we talked for over 3 hours. Started with conversation about last night's conversation. Said he wasn't mad just upset because he knows everything I said about OW is correct. He called IC for first time earlier today. After initial conversation about OW switched to conversation about us and our history. More honesty about what we both want than maybe ever before. Talked about what went wrong, what our problems were. Got much better idea about WH EN's than ever before. Talked about WH parents' perception of our relationship. WH gave me several compliments. Asked WH what he wanted from me and he said another chance. Told WH that I will never be anyone's second choice and that I will not be his shoulder to cry on while he still continues A.

I went out on a limb and called WH back and asked him if he wanted to go out on Friday. He said yes.

I know I probably did everthing wrong here. Probably need to go back and review Plan A/B, HNHN. However, would like to get some feedback.

Hi,

Well my 2 cents for what it's worth is that I see progress.

1. Your H recognizes you spoke the truth.
2. OW is not that great.
3. OW and H live in fear (what a relationship)
Keep them wondering!!!!
4. Your H went to see IC on his own?
5. Your H is able to acknowledge he was upset and why.

I see good steps here. This is the type of action that has meaning. Not just words here, you can feel his coming to terms. Maybe more than he'd like to admit but the door has been opened. Don't want to get your hopes up tooo high but at least it is a start.

Yea, too many women like to cry on other men's shoulders and the suckers fall for it sooo easily. My H is one of those 2. From the sound of it, you'd think the OW's H is a monster....... well he probably is not. You know if all these mates were that bad, you'd wonder why they were still married to them...... more phoney excuses? Yes, that is what a grand manipulator will do. You know as my Ws was 'struggling' to get out of the A, he kept asking me to find stuff out about the OW so that he could get mad at her. Believe that? At first I was happy to oblige but then he kept shooting down my ideas and facts..... so I learned that HE needed to find out this stuff by himself. Of course a little wondering (planting doubt) helped. OW thought I was scheming against her (ME???? LOL) so she got paranoid...... gave the WS sob stories about her fears of me showing up and beating her up. Right me @ 4'10" and her @ 5'4"?!?!?!....... Guess I could but ya know.... why risk it? I mean break my nails over some wasted OW? Not worth it.

The point is that I see progress. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Hope to see more! Small steps.

take care,
L.

Thanks for the response. I guess I'm just so unsure of my feelings. When WH and I had no communication, it was so clear that I was done. I even had tried to call lawyer for consultation last Friday and was supposed to call back on Monday. I never did. Now I feel as if I'm being pulled back in and not sure if WH is just playing me so he can get back on the fence. His IC session is scheduled for Monday. I'm trying very hard not to get my hopes up, my gut tells me he will stray to OW again. Maybe he is with her tonight, I haven't talked to him today. Am I just crazy to even consider another chance. I still have a lot of trouble remembering why or if I really love him. Is that just my lovebank being so low? If I'm going through all of these feelings, I must still love him. It is just that we have such a long road ahead of us. We both have some major issues from childhood we need to deal with. Is it worth the effort? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />