Hi ya alls who may remember me. I am here now because i have a friend a dear friend who is now going through this infidelity stuff. A little back ground here and i will post her letter from divorced/divorcing:

I met my friend a year ago and she after a fashion revealed to me that she suspected that her husband may be unfaithful. I pointed her right to marriage builders not fully understanding or really knowing how far her husband had actually gone. I also helped her put a spy program on her puter warning her that she may not like what she finds. in this next secion she explains what she has found.

Is there a beginning or is ther and end. I have not figured either out. I am a young wife me 34 and him 47. I thought older men had their poop in a group. To much dismay not true. Over the past year it has been very rocky. My husband still keeps in contact with old girldriends from high school. And when out of town they have dinner etc. I have found porn cites on the computer that he has visited. I put a spy cam on the puter. Gee i truely think he must think because i am young i am so very dumb. In the past month i feel as my whole life as taken a downward spin . I could not find the credit card bills, so i began to snoop through his brief case. Well i found rubbers and mind u he had a vasectmy when i found out i was pregnant with youngest child. I confromted him on the rubbers and he said he used them to jack off with as it was messy. Please excuse the outwardness as i have no other way of describing. I have found the credit card bills along with many other details. He went to an escort service and put it on the credit card. I can't stop thinking about what i did not do to make him happy. We made love often 3 or more times a week. I feel like an ugly duckling. And have made myself crazy wondering if he did the same things we do with the other women. I have filed for divorce. Help i am just struggling. He says it did not mean anything but i do not trust him

I am on the other side of the fence. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I am the FWS. I never saw the pain that i have seen with quietstorm EVER. Ive read it, ive studied it, but never felt it. She is lost so lost. she cant eat, sleep, all she does is cry. TO THOSE OUT THERE that can give her some advice.. PLS do!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Bless ya all,
mercy

Being a BS is such a personal tragedy, it is so hard to find something of comfort to say to someone going through the agony. All I know is that I have experienced it and everytime I read something like this, those old feelings that I am so familiar with come back. All I can offer is. . .this will pass in time.

I don't post too much anymore--I feel guilty because I should offer support when so many have supported me. But I just don't know what to say to a person that is hurting so much. I don't have anything constructive to offer--just acknowledgement.

But I just had to post this time.

I have heard the nonchalant attitude of the WS as they say "It was nothing" or "I didn't love her" as if you should just put it out of your mind and forget about it.

What is the most horrible concept is that the person that you placed the most trust in in this entire world--well, you find that this person is a liar. It really turns your life upside down.

I think, Mercy, you as a friend, have more to offer than you think you do. I have read your posts since way back over two years ago, and I think you have a clear understanding of this infidelity thing from the other perspective. You could comfort your friend by sort of "translating" for her husband.

I take it that you are still in recovery from infidelity. Maybe you could talk to her about reunification after such an occurance, that it is possible.

Me--well, I have had a bad experience with the infidelity/friendship thing (meaning that a close friend was going through it) My situation was totally opposite of yours, however. But don't do what I did and let your friend down when she needs you:

I have been on both sides of the fence, WS and BS. BS in my current marriage, and this situation has sucked bigtime.

My friend in Japan--she was so lonely in her marriage, and her husband, while a kind, sweet man, was emotionally distant. (I was friends with both of them, the husband was my son's baseball coach.) While I was suffering in the extremely rocky recovery of my marriage, my friend supported me--sort of. (She told me my husband was a jerk and I should have ditched him, but she respected my strength in giving him a second chance.) While being my shoulder to cry on, she progressively began an affair with one of MY co-workers. (She hung around my office at the gym all evening so she could talk to him.) Pretty soon, all she could talk to me about was her boyfriend. DEEP DARK FOG.

I decided that I didn't want to be friends with her anymore because I couldn't handle being the one who kept her secrets. I even quit my job at the gym so I wouldn't see either of them.

Skip ahead six months--my former friend, fog-free, attempted suicide while her husband was on an overseas business trip. She recovered, but to this day, I feel like the biggest ***hole for not being there for her.

You have the chance to help someone, so Mercy, you do this for her. Give her some comfort, take her out to lunch (I remember my friends cheering as I took my first bite of food in days--BK hamburger--because of the infidelity diet) And be there for her when she needs to talk. It will help both of you immensely.