Hello all. I have a question for all who will give advise. It has been almost 15 months since DDay and 12 mths since no contact. I am healing slowly but surely over the A.

My question is this....for anyone who has attended or knows quite a bit about the marriage builders weekends....... would you recommend it for a couple with one spouse who has read some of Dr Harleys works and has been trying to put them to use and one spouse who has not read word one and knows absolutely nothing about his needs, her needs, lb'ing, love banks etc who just wants to not have to "work at it so much"?

Can it be an good experience and does it focus with the present and the future and not hit on too much past stuff. Does he focus on the positive? I am ready to make this work but feel he needs to hear a fresh outlook and ideas on how to make this work.

There is a weekend the end of this month we could attend if I can get him to agree to go. I only want to force the issue if it will be a positive step FORWARD...

I am all ears. I have to decide pronto so I can make reservations. I thought of going a lone as it says you can but do not think that would be worth it. He is the one who I really would like to hear Dr Harley's information. ??? yeah or neah??

My dilema is every time I try to bring up current relationship issues he thinks I am talking about the past or the affair. He will not understand I have forgiven him (i think cuz he has not forgiven himself still. I just feel like we have come full circle--like I am back to where I started before the A and that is not necessarily good for me.

I have done everything since D-day to try to meet his needs he says I was not meeting. When I try to get him to meet mine--or talk about anything--he gets on edge. He has made some progress but stays on the defensive so much it is hard to get through to him. I am really trying to grow as a person and have dealt with a lot in the last year across the board.

I really just want to be happy in the here and now but some of my old feelings of unmet needs are creeping up and it is hard for me to be affectionate and meet all his needs when I feel I am the only one "working" at it. I know he will NEVER read any of Dr Harley's books so I thought maybe hearing some of his lectures might be helpful.

Hi HBH
I have not been to a MB weekend, but I did talk to Steve H about it in a recent counseling session. He told me that most couples who go to these are in various stages of marriage breakdown (communcation, LBs, unmet ENs). Some who attend are already separated and even request separate rooms. I have read on posts here that basically the weekends are like doing the books in person. So if your H wouldn't read the books, this may be a good solution! He'd kind of be a captive audience, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> LOL

thanks avondale.....if its a books in person kinda thing that might just be the thing I need. My hubby read a teenie bit for me when recovery first started. As we are back to where we started Pre-A -- he is back to not reading anything but a magazine article from time to time.

I just hope Steve focuses more on the positive...I think I would be safe as long as he doesnt talk about Affairs too much

thanks again--I think I may try to push the issue a bit. I think if I say I am going by myself if he does not go; he will decide to tag along. We'll see <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Anyone else with opinion on MB Weekend....it is getting close to the deadline for reservations and I need to make up my mind <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

My husband and I went to a MB weekend last year, at my husband's suggestion even though he is the WS. It was very worthwhile, although in our case it did not prevent the divorce; I think he was just too wrapped up in the addiction of his affair. I wish we had found MB and gone to one of the weekends a few years ago.

Dr. Harley goes through all the material in His Needs/Her Needs but adds to it so that even if you are very familiar with the books, you still come away with additional information and new insights. If you have not read any of Dr. Harley's material it gives you a very solid foundation.

I recommend the weekend highly. Do it! Good luck.

thanks Chenille! I think I may talk to my hubby today about going. It would be a nice weekend away anyway AND the best man from our wedding lives in the King of Prussia.

Wish me luck. He has not read ANY of Dr Harleys work so a good foundation to keep moving forward would be great. we have worked on the past issues and affair. now we need to move forward an do it right this time!

I do wish you lots of luck. Even my husband (when he was still able to bring himself to speak to me) has said he wishes we had found MB earlier. Dr. Harley has the right idea but you have to be open to doing the work for it to succeed. It takes both of you working together; one person cannot save a marriage alone.

If I had it to do over again, I would never put up with the OW in the wings for so long. I would start Plan B a whole lot sooner.

Don't let him take advantage of you. You are a lot stronger than you think.