OK guys, time for a new survey. Many of us, myself included, spend much of our time here venting about what our spouses, ex's or STBX's have done and are doing to hurt us. Let's try to put aside the anger and the pain for a moment and ask ourselves a simple question: What do we like about this person? What do we miss about them? What is it about them that still brings a smile (even if in secret) to our faces?

It could be anything - or everything. Something physical, emotional, spiritual - anything and everything goes. No list is too long or too short.

Since I started this, I'll go first.

What do I love / miss about my ExW?

Her smile
Her voice (I have always thought she has the sexiest voice in the world!)
The way that voice softens when she talks to me.
Her two very faint birthmarks (and I'm not telling where!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Her eyes.
Her undying love for our children.
That she believed in me when no one else did - not even myself.
Her "wild woman" hairdo when she first wakes up. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
The spirited philisophical debates we used to have (God, do I miss those!)
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> If you can't guess this one, I'm not going to spell it out for you!
Her scent.
Her taste.
Her seemingly endless need to protect me (even when it drives me crazy).
Her ability to recite a quote from a movie to cover almost any situation.
Watching her grow into her own person a little more every day.
Her ability to find absolute joy in the "little things", without worrying about what people will think.
Her kiss.
Her endless capacity for forgiveness (even for those of us who don't deserve it).

OK, I think I've embarrassed myself enough for now! It's your turn - forget the negative for a moment, and ask yourself what is positive about this person? Who knows, you may find it cathartic, theraputic, eye-opening, enlightening or just plain amusing!

Looking forward to seeing your responses,

Has

(I originally posted this survey on another BBS - if you're interested in what they had to say over there, here's a link to the original! )

Diana

The laughter, the tears, the touch, the fears,
the endless memories of many good years

The smiles, the connection, the light hearted talks,
the nights that we often went for our walks

the holding, the sighing, yes even the crying,
I really do miss the shopping and buying

the cooking, the gardening when we were a team
even in work we were compatible it seemed

her hands, her heart, and even her feet,
the days we would sometimes after work meet

the times of loving and yes even passion
and also "the look", her statement of fashion

her mind, her ways, and without a doubt her voice
the way that she decided on just a right choice

So yes I miss everything as I come to an end
because what I miss most of all, is my bestest, bestest friend.

Guardian <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Isaiah 43:19 "I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert"

Actually, I started making a list of things I miss about my H over a month ago. I was adding to it quite regularly at first. I had daydreams of sending the list to him thinking it might do some good, and demonstrate how special he really is to me; but rather than put myself and my heart out there and face possible rejection, I just read it over by myself from time to time.

I will list some of the less personal things here, the original list was even longer (it's written as though my H would be the one reading it):

I miss those times in the morning, just before we had to wake up, and you would let me put my arms around you and kiss you on the forehead, and you would sleep peacefully on my chest.

I miss lying on your chest and feeling your arms around me.

I miss the feeling of your soft, warm skin beneath my lips when I kiss you.

I miss the sweet smell of your skin and your cologne.

I miss falling asleep holding you in my arms, or you holding me in yours.

I miss the gentle sound of your breathing when you are resting peacefully next to me in bed.

I miss your sweet smile, and your twinkling blue eyes.

I miss being with you in our house, that is so full of happy memories, and represents so many of our dreams.

I miss holding you.

I miss watching you get dressed and asking me if the shirt matches the pants.

I miss being able to talk to you every day.

I miss talking with you about the future, our future, with hope and optimism.

I miss listening to you talk.

I miss hearing your voice on the phone.

I miss hearing you laugh.

I miss hearing you sing in the shower.

I miss hearing you give me kind and gentle words of encouragement.

I miss hearing you ask “How are you?” and then listening attentively for an answer because you care about me.

I miss hearing you tell me “I love you.”

I miss being able to tell you that I love you everyday.

I miss being able to proudly tell people stories about you, your strengths and how wonderful a husband you are.

I miss eating with you.

I miss holding your hand.

I miss going to movies with you and resting my head on your shoulder and holding your hand. I miss leaning over during the movie and giving each other a tender kiss because some scene in the movie reminded us how much we love each other, how lucky we are to be together, or how special our relationship is.

I miss kissing you goodbye before you leave for work.

I miss all the times you were kind to me.

I miss all the times we laughed together.

I miss all the times that we shared a knowing look, or guessed what the other one was thinking.

I miss feeling your skin against mine.

I miss driving in the car with you.

I miss picking up the sports section off of the kitchen table.

Simply put, I miss the man that I love, I miss my husband!

Oh my, reading all of this brings tears to my eyes again. I still miss him so much. I can't imagine being without him forever.

Does anyone think it would be of any use for me to ever give this list to my H? Do you think it might help persuade him to give me another chance? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

This is a good thread. I know I will be checking back. I am eager to hear what sorts of things the men miss in comparison to the women.

Jen

I often stop and think about what I love and miss about my H (the real one, not this alien who's abducted him). It's the one thing that keeps me going...

I miss having my best friend. The one who always knows what to say when I'm sad or worried or have a problem.

I miss talking to him every day. He's the only person in the world who doesn't bore me after only a few hours.

I miss the man who would flip the "flipper-dopper" out of my eyes and then smile at me.

I miss hearing him call me a "gink" when I do something silly.

I miss his hugs and his kisses.

I miss resting my head on his chest at night and having him fold me in his arms.

I miss his fond smiles as I act childish and crazy and start dancing on tables at parties.

I miss having someone else understand me so completely. I miss knowing that when I cry about 9-11 even after a year, he understands completely why I am crying and doesn't tell me to "get over it". I miss the fact that when I had to quit the volunteer fire dept, he understood my sense of loss and how much I missed my fellow firefighters. I miss that when I rail at the news, he knows exactly why and yells right along with me. I miss that when we watch old footage about Apollo 11, we both get choked up and proud and don't have to apologize for the way we feel.

I miss being able to share our memories. No one else will ever have them except us.

And I think that last is the worst thing about losing him....
<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I miss being able to share our memories. No one else will ever have them except us.

And I think that last is the worst thing about losing him....
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Indeed, I feel exactly the same way too!

JB

^^bump^^

Not much response, but what I have seen is good. The purpose of this exercise is to get us (if only for a moment) to focus on the positive about our SO's instead of the negatives. After all, if we can't articulate and embrace the positive, what are we actually trying to save here?

Just a thought...

Has

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well my H and I are in recovery but when we first reconciled I had one request. I wanted to go to the park have a pinic with our kids, and end it like we always did - a food fight. He is the only person who still thinks I am totally sexy even with potato salad hanging in my hair <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />