I left a care package full of sugar cookies, WH's favorite snacks, and a NFL stuffed animal in a large bag today for WH to see when he came by today.

He called and left me a voice mail on my cell phone wanting to thank me, said it was so sweet, and he really appreciated it.

He then asked me to give him just a few more days, he's done alot of thinking, will be visiting his uncle this weekend to get out of town. He then made the comment "you are still in the ballgame".

I called him back and he was very appreciative (haven't heard that in a while!), and made the comment that he's going to take everything to work with him and how he needs to start eating healthier because hes been eating too much fast food between friends houses. I didn't say anything, but then he just said "I know".

We chatted a little bit about some friends of ours and we will most likely see each other next week.

He then started telling me about how cute the sheets and comforters he saw yesterday were!

I know, baby steps, baby steps, but it is a very small step in the right direction, especially since he has not mentioned divorce in 6 weeks.

GC -- That is good news. Now, remember baby steps and don't get your hopes up too high. I think this is real progress, but I don't want your world to come crashing down again if he goes back to alien world again.

You go GC <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by unsureheart:
<strong>Now, remember baby steps and don't get your hopes up too high. I think this is real progress, but I don't want your world to come crashing down again if he goes back to alien world again.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dont worry, I have learned my lesson well, NOT to get my hopes up at all!!!

Yea, I was going to say the same thing...that although this is a nice sign...the fact that he said you're "still in the ballgame" says he's still wavering and confused. It certainly doesn't speak commitment or understanding of what's going on yet. But good job getting brownie points and enjoy some positive feelings while they last!!!

Hi GC!

This does sound good, but you're right about the baby steps and remaining cautious about your optimism.

Just keep up the loving. That's your most powerful weapon! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

H4F & 2Long,

thanks for checking in, I have learned the hard way to EXPECT NOTHING!

Now don't expect nothing -- after all, you can always expect that we'll all be here for you to share your good moments and your bad. You can expect something from us.

KA-CHING,

Sounds like a deposit to me. I admire you for being so thoughtful. Good job. BTW any cookies left? YUMMMMMM <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sharon

USH,
thanks for being here!!

UTE,
I ate 3 of them last night (had to test them, of course), so I put all of them in a container for him, I ended up icing them white and putting little smiley faces on them!! He loves this little bakery from his hometown, every time he visits, he has to buy a dozen smiley face cookies and eats them like a little kid.

GC,

So the cookies worked? You should have sprinkled some of that anti-A powder on it. Do the Harley's have some!??!!? LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Did you get the comforter set yet? Better check in a few days if you find cookie crumbs under those covers........ if you do, let your H know that you think that some man left those crumbs but that the real cookie is waiting for him!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

Great news! It's nice to know he still thinks fondly of you!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> When he says you are in the running, does that mean OW is as well? This isn't a competition for WH affection's. You don't feel like you are competing do you? This about setting right what has been wrong within the M. On the other hand <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , you've got more grace and class in your little finger than the OW has in her whole being. She can't compete!

Ummmm, any of the those cookies left?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

G_C,

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> wow does this sound good. You know what to do G_C. I know you do. You have learned so much.
He really seems to be excited now. Take it slowly.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He then asked me to give him just a few more days, he's done alot of thinking, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Let him make the steps, just stick to your plan!!! As you see, it is working!! Remember no pressure at all!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He then started telling me about how cute the sheets and comforters he saw yesterday were! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He is probably trying to see if you really want them. You just might want to tell him that you just haven't had the time to look but you'd love them. Who knows what he might come around with?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

hugs
bb

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong>So the cookies worked? You should have sprinkled some of that anti-A powder on it. Do the Harley's have some!??!!? LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh, I wish!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong>Did you get the comforter set yet? Better check in a few days if you find cookie crumbs under those covers........ if you do, let your H know that you think that some man left those crumbs but that the real cookie is waiting for him!!!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, I haven't had a chance to got look at it yet!! I will probably go this weekend and take a look at them. The thing is, is that it would be used for one of the guest rooms, since everything is new (handmade by me personally, thank you very much!) in our bedroom. The guest room has a bedroom suit is mom had given us (which was practically new), and if we were to divorce, this would be the set he would take!! So, I don't know if I should go ahead and get them or not!!!

Love the comment about the cookies under the covers!! I really love the comment about the sales lady suggesting I have a man try the comforter out, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> , hilarious!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mgm:
<strong>Great news! It's nice to know he still thinks fondly of you!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> When he says you are in the running, does that mean OW is as well? This isn't a competition for WH affection's. You don't feel like you are competing do you? This about setting right what has been wrong within the M. On the other hand <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , you've got more grace and class in your little finger than the OW has in her whole being. She can't compete!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have no idea if OW is still in the running or not!! It is encouraging that his mom stayed in a hotel this time when she would normally stay with "them", he still has everything moved back. I also called the hotel he said she was staying at and confirmed that she was there!! So that is positive.
Now that I think I have put a huge deposit in the bank, I'll lay low for a little while. I have done an awesome job, I must say of Plan Aing my butt off as well as I can do with not seeing him. I think it may have been more difficult to Plan A if I did see him, does that make sense??

As for me feeling like competing, I have a competitive nature inside of me, but have learned to just let go and be silent. I know that I have taken the high road, have not dropped down to their level, and will keep it that way. As long as I keep on my path, I will be okay. I know I have done everything possible, I am not the one who will have live with the guilt!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by blondblossom:
<strong> wow does this sound good. You know what to do G_C. I know you do. You have learned so much.
He really seems to be excited now. Take it slowly.
Let him make the steps, just stick to your plan!!! As you see, it is working!! Remember no pressure at all!!! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Something else I am pondering...
MIL's birthday is on Monday, I think I will go out at lunch and buy her a card, do you think a very, small gift would be too much??
definitely, I feel for once to not be in a hurry, I know that taking things slowly is the only way, no matter what the outcome is. And yes, definitely no pressure, Steve H has taught me well on that one

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by blondblossom:
<strong>He is probably trying to see if you really want them. You just might want to tell him that you just haven't had the time to look but you'd love them. Who knows what he might come around with??
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I will go look at them, but most likely won't buy them, for the reasons I gave Orchid above, such as this being for the bedroom suit is mom gave us, etc. If it would have been before, his mom probably would have bought it all!!

Hi G_C,

I really admire you!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
What does your "gut" tell you about getting MIL a present??? You seem to hesitate, I think you have a reason to. You told me that he had gotten angry about this in the past, so just listen to you "gut" and change your reactions from the past that got him angry.

I think the same about the comforter. How did you react in the past when he would tell you that he liked something???? If "he" likes it so much, then "he" should get it.
This shouldn't sound negetive. I don't mean it that way. I just think, he is telling you that he finds it cute and pretty in order to have a conversation. He's "trying" to "communicate" with you.(this is so positive!!!) Otherwise he would of just went out and gotten it.

So what do you think will happen if you really bought it? You wouldn't have this to talk about anymore, would you???
I might see this differently than others but it's just my opinion.

How about just turning this abit.
The next time you go to the mall and see something cute, let him know. Tell him that you saw "+++++" and you thought it was cute and pretty and you thought he would like it. He should go and take a look.
Then see how he reacts. Look closely how he behaves and what he does and you might be able to see what he is telling you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I can't tell you enough, stick to your plan!!!!!!!You're gettin better and better. (these are the words of an angel, remember that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )

take care
bb

<small>[ October 11, 2002, 09:53 AM: Message edited by: blondblossom ]</small>

It is obvious that the allusion to the bed-sheets is a romantic gesture, to which you are not responding. If you were the passionate woman he wants you to be, you would pick up on the cues immediately. He does not want 'cute', he wants 'passionate'.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by relate:
<strong>It is obvious that the allusion to the bed-sheets is a romantic gesture, to which you are not responding. If you were the passionate woman he wants you to be, you would pick up on the cues immediately. He does not want 'cute', he wants 'passionate'.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Relate,
you cannot be passionate when you do not see them in person

<small>[ October 17, 2002, 12:38 AM: Message edited by: going_crazy ]</small>

GC,

I disagree with relate, knowing a little more about his love for scottie dogs.... ! and animals! and that this is something the two of you talked about before.

Relate, I think you are off base here. I think he is trying to connect with her on a subject the two of them had connected on before... in the past , in their life together.

All mean are different, and no some would not like scottie dogs... but that is not the issue here, he likes the dogs, and thinks they are cute for the guest room!

Anyway, enough sd. Keep up the good work GC!

You are connecting, be it doggies, cookies, or just nicer hellos- KEEP IT ALL POSITVE... ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> that is wonderful!

Hugs, HONEY

Small suggestion to REALLY deposit in LB.

Is there any way that you can all that Bakery in his hime town and have some of those yummy cookies shipped to his job?

I'm certain that he would be floored by this gesture.

Just a thought.

G_C,

just wanted to ask if you can relate with what I said? Am I off road completely??

I just can't agree with "relate". (sorry there "relate)

I don't see your H as a "romantic illusionist" at the moment. I don't see him wanting you to be "passionate" at the moment either.

I think he's trying to get closer, yes, but I think he wants to do it right this time. He wants to be "real sure" about the decision he makes. I think that he somewhat knows what he wants now, but he's still abit scared. I think he's really thinking and he's testing the situation.

G_C, I see that he is having a hard time, after all you have been separated for a long time. The situation must be extrodinary strange for him. It's like a "peek into the past" and yet so much has changed. But he is peeking and I really think that it's feeling better and better.
Just let him peak some more. Give him the taste of home and how good it feels.

The "cookie" idea was fantastic. It's maybe just these little things that he really is missing.

Please let me know if I am "off road" completely?? How do you feel????

hugs
bb

<small>[ October 11, 2002, 01:36 PM: Message edited by: blondblossom ]</small>

He has *told* her what he wants in the marriage - passion. You are free to disagree with him, but that won't change what he wants.

Ofcourse you can be passionate - write a lightly naughty email. Be spontaneous and go and buy the bed-sheets; buy a new nightie at the same time and tell him that you were tempted to buy it to go with his sheets. Say you have bought the sheets, but can't get yourself to replace the old ones because they still smell of him, and you together ...

He'll be back with you in no time.

<small>[ October 11, 2002, 02:00 PM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>