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Go read lost post on thread, please!! Needless to say that this is something that I don't want to do!!! I don't want to be divorced I don't want to be single I don't want to get over it I don't want to deal with kids by myself I don't want to go to bed alone I don't want to not have a husband I don't want my H with that tramp I don't want to grow old alone I had thought that natural consequences would take care of this like they have taken care of everything else for me, through this mess!!! I am not seeing any consequences that are going to prevent this divorce from happening though!!! That makes me sad. I guess I had allowed myself to depend on that happening. Will I be ok!! This I know and am sure of!!!! I can still be sad, mad, angry and upset about what my STBXH has allowed to happen to our family. I have forgiven him, am not sure how that came to be, just know that I have. Will I forget what the man I loved allowed himself to do!! Any add strength will be very welcome tonight and tomorrow. Thanks to all my friends!!! Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <small>[ October 24, 2002, 10:15 PM: Message edited by: daybreak ]</small>
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Sorry about your situation. I hope things work out the right way for YOU. I guess you would tell me to go back to my wife. You sound very strong. You will be ok.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> posted October 23, 2002 09:57 PM
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Needless to say that this is something that I don't want to do!!!
I don't want to be divorced
I don't want to be single
I don't want to get over it
I don't want to deal with kids by myself
I don't want to go to bed alone
I don't want to not have a husband
I don't want my H with that tramp
I don't want to grow old alone </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">me either
Will be thinking of you tomorrow, one of these days I will sign also.
We will be all right, doubt if our former H's will be. We know we did all we could, sometimes it is just not enough.
Hope every day just gets better.
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Daybreak,
Sorry about the way things are turning out for you. Sing said about all I can think to say. I feel for you. I will also be there soon. You will be okay. Prayers for you.
Sharon
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[[[[[[dawn]]]]]]],
Hugs and Prayers!
Cali
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Oh sing, every day is better and better, and tomorrow will be better too. As I choose for it to be that way. I will finally know that there is no hope left. And that my faith did not let me down, but that God has something else for me in life. Hey I lost 22lbs so far since surgery. I am having to wear a belt with all my pants as they will not stay up and I don't want to buy any new ones yet. I wore a sweater today that I have not had on in three years as the waist was to tight and was uncomfortable and looked bad. I wore it today and it looks good!!! I will make it under 200 by Christmas!!! And that will be better for me!!! How's the new job going? How is your oldest son? Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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Time heals nothing.
Its what you do with the time that matters.
Blessings to you
Zoey
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((((((((( daybreak ))))))))) I don't think any of us thought this day was coming either - what with all of the delays and such. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> But you said so yourself, you know you'll be fine. And you should also remember that just because you're getting a D, that doesn't eliminate you doing plan A some more. When you're ready to do so, and if you still want to be with your H, then perhaps you should write him a letter telling him so? You could send it directly to his workplace, that way, you don't have to worry about the "tramp" getting to it first (although you must expect that she may read it). Personally, I'm looking forward to the xmas update, assuming your H will be seeing the "new you" face to face at that time. Oh to be a fly on the wall then! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <--- that's what he'll look like! hehehe. Karen
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I am so sorry the day is coming, come. I would recccomend one thing for healing... the program divorcecare.com , well divorcecare. I love it and it has been very helpful. Reccommended by going crazy and now I am in it. You go to the webiste and it will refer you to a church in your area sponosring the program. It is awesome. It is helping me feel better and do better in general. You cannot do anything about what he chooses to do, you are the innocent in the divorce.. like a rape victim. He has committed adultery and abandoned you... 2 reasons specific in the bible for divorce. THere is a chance of remarriage, we all know that if the d goes through, keep that in mind. Keep loving him as Jesus would.. that is the best strategy you can have. Hugs to you and strength in this hard time, HONEY btw- the divorcecare program encourages reconciliation.. last night we went over what the owner's manual says about divorce. Hugs! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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Hi dearie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . I'm so sorry this day has come for you. It's very hard, and I know you are sad to see it happening. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> You seem to have such a good attitude though, and that's what is so important. You are doing, IMO, exactly what you need to be doing.... expressing your negative feelings, as well as keeping in touch with your positive outlook. I'll suggest something that really helped me when I was at this point, and for the next coming time of growth for you... write, write, write. In your journal. Letters to him, letters you would like to see from him, etc. John Gray's book "Mars and Venus Starting Over" really helped me. I don't post much anymore, but I lurk, so I'm here thinking and praying for you today, and in the coming weeks.
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Daybreak - I can totally feel for you - I was were you were on September 18 - now my divorce is final as of October 18 and then it will be absolute on January 17, 2003 - I never wanted it, I still don't know why it happened - I have all of the same thoughts that you have listed - But since it is done - I have still been hanging on - but the people over on the divorce boards have helped me see that - even though I didn't want this it has happened - And I need to do things for myself - I struggle with this everyday - and I like you know that I can make it on my own - In all actuality I have been for a long time... But you will get through this - someday we are going to realize that hey we deserve to be happy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> and hopefully that will be sooner than later... Good luck - and I will be thinking about you .....
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Dawn}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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I went to sign tonight after school. Thanks to all of you that thought and prayed for me today, I could feel your strength!!! My lawyer didn't have the papers ready for me!!! Can you believe? He had one or two questions on some things and we discussed them and made an amendment to the decree. I will have to go in again tomorrow night and sign the decree and the amendments. Talked to STBXH tonight and was asked what was up and just said that I am waiting on my lawyer. Had a nice conversation after that, talked about his racquetball and the little things. Anyways, I had planned on going out to dinner tonight after signing, so wasn't sure what to do when I didn't sign. Decided to go out anyways, had the 30 Shrimp special at Red Lobster, knew that I wouldn't be able to eat it all, so planned the leftovers for lunch tomorrow. One kid got mad as she thought that they should go to her, I knew I should have dropped them off at work on the way home!!!!! Have a good night and think of me again tomorrow if you would please!!!! Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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{{{{{{{{{{{{dawn}}}}}}}}}}}}
I'd wish you strength but I can see you already have that!!
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Dawn,
Hugz my dear...... been thinking of you. For some crazy reason, I wrote you an e-mail last night and it didn't take.
When you can, please drop another line. ok?
I am amazed at how you are doing. I know this outer strength is there but know that we want to keep you inner strength going also. Venting is free!!!! Anytime, ok?!??!
take care,
L.
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I'll definitely be thinking of you tonight. And you know what? You can celebrate (??? not sure if that's the right word)... how about , you can mark the event with a nice big slice of chocolate cake!!! (it would have been Andrew's 4th birthday today too).
((((((((( daybreak )))))))))
Karen
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Hugs to you Dawn! I know this is not what you wanted, but I also know that you are one strong woman with the strength and love of God behind you! You are an inspiration to me!
congrats on your weight loss too! I am trying so hard to lose weight, but am only losing 1/2 to 1 lb a week (10 lbs. total in about 10 weeks!) it is slow and frustrating! I am so happy for you! What a great feeling it must be to go down to another size!
Dawn, I think of you often and am sorry I didn't see this earlier so I could have added my prayers! HOpe you are doing well!
BH
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actually bh, I am sitting here at computer, eating my leftovers!!! I signed tonight, no it's not what I wanted but hey, you don't always get what you want in life!!! I didn't blink an eye or shed a tear! Yipeee!!!! Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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Well, it's done with, huh? ((((( daybreak ))))) So... was tonight just like everything else, in that the days leading up to it were worse than the actual day of or event? I'm only asking because your tone seems so matter of fact and to the point, not much emotion hitting you now. IF it comes, let it. Don't try to hide it, grieving is a necessary part of all of this (as you already know). After Andrew passed away, I kept on waiting for the 'big blow out', where I'd "lose it". It took 1 1/2 YEARS!!! And didn't trigger until I quit smoking this past March. So be careful... something COULD be coming. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I'm here for you whether or not it does. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Karen
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Karen, Thanks!!! Have thought of you and Andrew all day today!!! Can't log on while at work though!!!!! Guess I am matter of fact, as there was nothing else I could do. I could of been emotional and chose not to be, you are right it will probably hit later!!! But I have done alot of the grieving already, and have learned through that that the only thing that I have control over is how I chose to behave and react!!! Someday the Lord will show my STBXH what it is he has done and how it has hurt those that love him. I can't show him the pain he has caused, can't tell him either and surely can't beat it into him as I have tried and nothing, notta!!! I have chosen to be strong through this, and with the help of the Lord and my friends I will be great!!! Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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