I am not very well versed in the scriptures and have a question for those of you who are. I am a BS and my WW and I are in the recovery process at this time. Things between us are going very well at this time and I have accepted my fair share of the blame for the A because I was not meeting my WW's EN's. In the Bible, is a marriage considered over if adultery takes place? I know that a husband can give his W a certificate of divorce after adultery takes place according to the Bible, but wonder if it is required? I am thinking about renewing our marriage vows becuase I do not know if we are still considered to be married in God's eyes?

Yes you are still married in the eyes of GOD. You have the option of giving your wife a divorce if you choose to do so, but GOD and the bible both state that it is better to work it out if you can.
"What GOD has joined, let no man put ASUNDER"
RENEW your vows, I think its a great idea. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

As I understand it, unless you give her the certificate of divorce, you are still married.

I agree with trynhard, I believe God was giving an out to those that couldn't stand the pain of adultry. I think somewhere else, he tells us to forgive 7x70. I believe also in the Lords Prayer he tells us that if we want to be forgiven for our sins, we should forgive others.

So, I believe you are on the right track in wanting to work things out, I hope it works for you.

SS

I believe the Bible allows (but does not require) divorce if adultery occurs. Matthew 19 is where Jesus has this discussion with the pharisees. The certificate of divorce was how a man divorced his wife in the O.T. (Moses allowed it because of the hardness of men's hearts.).

But I also think that God prefers reconciliation if both parties are willing. Read the book of Hosea. While the story is also a picture of the "adultery" that Israel committed against God, Hosea's wife Gomer was an adulteress. God told Hosea to reconcile with her.

This is a very interesting topic for me, of which I do not feel I have quite figured out what God has said regarding the issue of adultery and divorce, but I will give this a shot.

The following are some of the scriptures I find most revealing on this topic:

Mat. 5:27-32, Mat 19:1-12, Mark 10:1-12, Luke 16:18, John 8:1-12, 1 Cor. 7:1-40

My understanding of these passages, which I would tend to feel is limited, is that when God created marriages he never intended for there ever to be divorce(Mat. 19:6-9). Moses started divorce because of man's weakness and lack of faith. In my opinion, Jesus in verse 9, reveals that divorce on paper does not constitute a divorce in God's eyes because he says that divorce will cause others to commit adultery. Interesting enough in this passage, he provides only one provision for divorce and that is for fornication. I feel that it is important to note that Jesus used the word adultery frequently in this passage and then He chooses to use the word fornication and in the present tense. Fornication is a much more all inclusive word and is not limited to adultery only. Furthermore, the present tense of word indicates to me that the wife must be continuing on an ongoing basis to fornicate.

Based on this interpretation, I believe in my heart that God does not honor a divorce if the wife has stopped comitting adultery (specifically fornicating). This has far reaching implications of which I will not go into detail because I feel I may upset many of you. All too often many of us Christians hold on to this trump card even after the A, and frankly the trump card does not exist in God's eyes IMHO.

Paul in 1 Cor. 7 adds one more acceptable reason, under the authority of God, for divorce and that is only when an unbelieving spouse leaves the believing spouse. The believing spouse is no longer bound by the ties of marriage.

With that said, I agree with Bill Uphill. I believe God would want us to keep our marriages regardless of what the offending spouse has done. Hosea is a perfect example of the forgivness God would like for us to display to our spouses in this matter.

<small>[ October 25, 2002, 01:03 PM: Message edited by: new_dreamland ]</small>

Things between us are going very well at this time and I have accepted my fair share of the blame for the A
You should accept NO PART of the affair as your fault. Not a single thing you did/didn't do caused her to have an affair. She made a bad decision at some point.

You can accept the state of the marriage as part your fault.

In the Bible, is a marriage considered over if adultery takes place? I know that a husband can give his W a certificate of divorce after adultery takes place according to the Bible,[/b
Moses made this declaration, which God agreed with and let man keep it because of "hardening of the heart."

[b]but wonder if it is required?
No. No where does it even hint at "being required."

I am thinking about renewing our marriage vows becuase I do not know if we are still considered to be married in God's eyes?
Yes, you are still married in God's eyes. However, before you renew your vows, you must make sure both of you are in the same place (emotionally/ mentally) so you understand what/why you are doing it.

^Bump for Frozbat^

I know that I did not cause my WW to have intercourse with the OM, but my failure to meet her EN's did play a role. We were not communicating very well and she did tells me that she thought that she approached me as best she could to avoid an A, but in the end I was too cold and distant. That is why I say that I accept my fair share of blame for what had happened. Both spouses seem to play a role in every A from what I have read in Dr. Harley's books, as there is always two sides to every story. Am I disgusted and dumbfounded by what my wife did, YES. Is there a day that goes by that I don't ask myself how she could have done this, NO. I was not listening to her and tuned her out most of the time. I would grab her in degrading ways and made her feel obligated to satisfy my sexual needs, even when she did not feel like having sex. I was critical and did not help with the kids or around the house. I can't blame her for being suckered by a guy that listened to her complaints about me and told filled her head with compliments just to get into her pants. I am very thankful that she realized that having an A was not what she was all about and went to NC with the OM before I found out about the A. In many ways the A has made me realize just how much that I love my wife and that the passion that existed while we were dating can still be felt after 10 years of marriage. It was a very hard lesson to learn, emotional and otherwise, and brought our marriage to the brink of divorce. I still have my good days and bad days, thank God for Xanax, but I feel that we are going to be OK in time. It is just hard to deal with, much harder that when I quit drinking, smoking and drugs. It was easier to quit cocaine than to deal with this pain, which was not an easy task for those who know how hard it is to quit coke. Maybe I am crazy, but I feel that my actions had to have played some role in the A.

don't beat yourself up so bad. You have enough going through this pain. You know, sometimes I think that physical pain is 100 times preferrable than this pain we're going through. Not that I wish to have physical pain, but I would rather have that than this.

Know you are not alone. There are a lot of people who can advise you here so post often and vent.

As far as the Bible is concerned, yes, your wife has done something wrong, but that does not mean you should not forgive her. God wants us to save the M, not walk away. And remember to love the sinner but not the sin. Be thankful that you are in the recovery process. I wish, as I am sure others do too, I was there already.