I couldn't believe it. My H showed up at my apt tonight. We talked at length about a variety of topics. On the bright side, we are going to go out on a date this weekend.

On the incredibly negative side, I have damaged my H forever. If there are any fog-blinded WSs reading this, end your @#$! affair right now. You have no idea of the damage you are doing to another valuable human being, that you vowed to remain faithful to, and who trusted you to do so.

It felt so good to see my H, to hug him, to kiss him, to hear his voice. He reached out and hugged me first actually!

But it hurts so much to realize that I have hurt him forever. After he had been here quite a while, the conversation turned to how he's doing now. He told me that I have ruined his faith and trust in all people forever. He only spends time with his brothers, and the one female friend that he and I are both in contact with. By the sounds of it, and I didn't pry, he isn't hanging out with the 2nd female anymore. He said he'll never trust me ever again, he'll never trust anyone else again. But he'll never be as attracted to another woman again.

He told me that contrary to what things originally seemed to be, his mom is rooting for me big time, and won't stop going on about all of my positive qualities.

He can be kind, gentle and thoughtful like he was before. However, his new instinct to say unkind things to me every now and again out of self-preservation is still there.

I can't believe how much I have hurt him. I hate to hear how much he isolates himself from everyone around him. He says he never wants to see any of our friends again, it seems because they know what happened (it must be the shame and embarrassment). He says he has no friends anymore, except maybe for that one mutual female friend.

I am so thankful that God answered my prayers and sent my H to me, but I really hate to see him like this. I wish I could turn back time and not destroy the wonderful, happy, sociable, trusting man he once was. As he said, he will never be the same, no matter how things turn out between us.

My H has gone through living hell this year, his mom had breast cancer, I cheated on him with his best friend, and his father was critically ill with diabetes and is still in recovery.

To all the BSs out there - were any of you ever at such a rock bottom point? Did you isolate yourself like my H? Do you have any advice????

Please be gentle,

Jen <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ November 07, 2002, 01:22 AM: Message edited by: Jen Brown ]</small>

JB,

I am a BS who's W much like you had an affair w/my so called best friend. I don't know all of your story but I do no how I felt and do feel today. If you Yahoo contact me at tedrod3@yahoo.com. Maybe we can get on messenger and communicate easier. I can give you the BS perspective and maybe we can even help each other.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jen

It's wonderful that your H paid you a visit to your apartment and opened up to you. He obviously still cares about you otherwise he would not have shown his face at all.

His telling you that you have ruined his faith and trust in all people forever MAY just be a venting of his pain rather than an actual statement of fact.

Plan A and no love busters should be on your mind every time you are with him or are thinking of him.

therod

Since you are new here, I would like to say that your idea of having Jen e-mail you to discuss your situations is a bad idea for a couple of reasons. First, if Jen's H finds out she's communicating with another man (you) it could hurt him deeply and then Jen's hopes of reconciliation with him will be shot to h***. And secondly, an EA(emotional affair) may develop from discussing these intimate issues in private. I'm not worried about Jen falling into an EA because she now knows how to protect herself from falling into one, but I'm not so sure I can say the same thing about you (your d-day is so recent). And by taking yourself away from these boards and relying on one person's experiences, you may be cheating yourself from the collective wisdom of many others that may also be able to give you very valuable advice. So please consider what I just said carefully.

TMCM,

I appreciate your wisdom and insight. I hadn't thought about what you just said, maybe I was off my rocker. I will say that as far as an EA that is the furthest from my mind. I can't think of anything other than trying saving what I have at home. I know the pain the W A caused for me and my kids and I guarantee that I could not put her or my Kids through that by becoming attached to anyone but my W.

I do see your logic though and I appreciate you setting me straight.

Jen

When I read your post, so much of it was like deja vu - my BS has said many of the same things. It seems to me that perhaps these feelings are pretty common with BS.

The positive things first - H came to you, H has agreed to go out for a date at the weekend, H hugged you (intimacy), and spoke honestly to you. H is not in an EA (as you suspected). H did not say you have no future and also said that his mother has been signing your praises. These are all really good things. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

The negative things - H is of course devastated and traumatised (snap) and cut himself off from people (not snap!) (as you say through shame perhaps). He feels he can not trust you, or anyone (snap), and doesn't know how he can possibly get over these feelings (snap). Well, Jen, he did come to you first, he did talk to you, he did do all these really positive things, and also, the negative things, IMHO, seem to be absolutely par for the course. I am sure someone else will come along and may also be able to agree.

Right, I will pinch Just Learning's statement "Time and Patience". JL, if you're reading this sorry, but it seemed so appropriate <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You have only just come back into contact again after 3 months. You have a long way to go.

Jen, I am so glad to hear about this and was just about to post a note to say wish you well at the weekend. Well, I do anyway, but this is really good news and you have too been able to get over that first awful hump of how to approach him and what he may be like.

Sending you positive thoughts from sunny London (today sunny JL).

Lisa

Wow!! That's fantastic news Jen!!! I guess we have all been over-reacting in worrying about how he'd act when he saw you again. That's a good thing though... b/c it makes his actions last night, all the more wonderful!

The only thing I'm going to point on, is the trust issue. The fact that your H says he will never (fully) trust you again, nor anyone else, is actually a GOOD thing. You've read it already, I'm sure, that even Dr.Harley doesn't fully trust his wife! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> It's a good protection mechanism, that if it had been in place prior to the A, the A may not have happened. But speculating into the "what ifs" from the past isn't worth the time and energy.

I do hope you are relieved now. I sure am!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> And I'm looking forward to hearing about your date this weekend. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Karen

<small>[ November 07, 2002, 07:06 AM: Message edited by: Topie25 ]</small>

Jen Jen Jen.....

((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))
I am so happy for you. This is sooooooo good that he came over. On his own. Geez you and I were just talking the other night. Was it that night or last night?

Oh I want to say so much to you. Look when my H first starting reaching out to me after DDAY, he said the same things. "I will NEVER trust again" but he did and is doing that slowly. That is a normal reaction and normal for your H. He will trust again but in a different manner, never the same but he will Jen. This is your big chance you prayed for. Please be careful with it Jen. The slightest thing could make this chance go away. Please Jen. Take in all you have learned here from the wonderful BS's that shared their stories and pain with you. Learn from it. Also learn from us FWS that have been down the road you are about to take. It will not be easy. You will have to get rid of any selfishness that wants to peep its ugly head. This is now about recovery Jen. Im so happy for you. Lord, I am so happy for you.

Now the other part. You feeling the extreme guilt. I was there too. It kills you to know how much you hurt him. I know. I was there. I went through a bad guilt time. That will slowly pass as you forgive yourself and heal.

Also. Something else Jen. Now is the time to be very watchful of what you say and do. He may still have mood swings about things but you just be supportive, validate, let him vent, let him hurt, let him do whatever it takes. You are going to be okay. Oh this is such good news Jen. I actually have tears in my eyes. I am so happy for you. We just talked about your call Saturday and what you would say.

See the lord IS there for us. Told you! You prayed and he brought H to you. This is so good. Im so proud of you for hanging in there. I am so happy your H wised up and came forward.

As for his mom, funny how we always think (as WS's) that everyone thinks we are the BAD GUY. Isn't that something how much you thought she dislked you but the whole time she was rooting for you. I went through the same thing Jen. SAME THING.

Also I understand his not wanting to be with friends associated with the A. Please Jen. For your H and your marriage, ditch the friends. You can make new ones together. Let me tell you I had to do the SAME thing. H wanted NOTHING to do with A related friends. So I had to make a choice and I did. H CAME FIRST.

Jen Im happy for you. You just don't know how happy I am for you.

I am thrilled about your date this weekend. You get all dolled up like the beautiful girl you are and have a great time. Oh this is so cool.

(Prayer for Jen)
THANK YOU JESUS for bringing Jen's H home. Please lord continue to bring Jen and her H together. Please lord save this marriage and protect their love. Bring them closer together Lord. Lord, Jen has followed your way, your path and now you have brought her H home to her, where he belongs. Continue Lord to make these two people stronger each day. Help them lord through some difficult times and help them realize what they have in each other. Amen.

Zoey

<small>[ November 07, 2002, 07:09 AM: Message edited by: Zoey ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Jen Brown:
<strong>To all the BSs out there - were any of you ever at such a rock bottom point? Did you isolate yourself like my H? Do you have any advice????

Please be gentle,

Jen <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Jen,
Yes, I hit rock bottom. Did not want to do anything, found it hard to work, wondered if I could ever get past this and trust ANYONE, man or woman, again. But, with time that passes. I never really isolated myself. My family was a great comfort, and my best friend has been great throughout.

Be patient is my best advice. Change will come, but slowly. We are coming up on 18 months post D-day, and things are a long way from being recovered. Progress is being made, but sometimes its two steps forward and one step back. However, I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I no longer wonder if I want to be married to her, and no longer doubt that there will be recovery.

One last thing regarding your H's comment about not trusting you again. I sadly agree with him. I will never trust my FWW 100% again. Maybe 99%, but never totally. Two reasons for that. First, because of what happened I have every reason not to trust her completely, and second, I suspect it is kindof a defense mechanism, you know, if it happens again it won't hurt so much, cause I was not blindly trusting. I sometimes wonder maybe if I hadn't been so trusting, maybe my actions could have headed this off before it became a full blown A, so maybe thats not such a bad thing. But, I think we can have an M that is as good as, or even better than before. Hang in there, Jen, I'm pulling for you!
Michael

Me 39(40 soon, yuck)
FWW 38
M 18
Two S's
A began Jan 01
D Day Jun 01
In MC

Jen, I did isolate myself at first, for a few months from friends except a very close female friend of mine who I had confided in. I am bs and a female. I also said same things that your husband did. I still don't totally trust people like I did before, but that's probably a good thing. I'm really happy for you that your husband has agreed to a date and he hugged you. I admire you so much for wanting to do whatever it takes to restore your husband's trust and marriage. You have shown that you really are serious about what you say by giving him his time and distance although it was causing uncertainty to you. He has shown a positive sign and he will come to realize what a valuable person you are. He will still have his ups and downs. Try to be patient with him. My fws had an affair with a friend of mine and it seems like its maybe a little harder to get over than if it were with someone I didn't know or a ons. I don't know. I just hope that ow has some reality now. It's been 20mos. since d-day. Supposedly her spouse had affair, affairs, on her and my fws had to comfort her, but they had ea going on before that without my knowledge. IMHO you deserve to get a chance to make it work.

Jen, my H said a lot of the same things to me when he first found out. You are going to have to keep reassuring him you are truly there for him. I'm happy to hear he's not hanging out with that other girl anymore.

(((((((((Jen))))))))))

Jen, it is awesome when we begin to see God moving in answer to prayer. I'll have more to say later, but for right now let me just leave you with a few passages to reflect upon.

Ps.23:1-4 "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me" (NIV)

Ps.27:14 "Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD" (NIV)

Ps.65:3 "When we were overwhelmed by sins, you atoned for our transgressions." (NIV)

Ps.103:1-6 "Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits. He forgives all my sins and heals my diseases; he redeems my life from the pit an crowns me with love and compassion. He satisfies my desires with good things, so that my youth is renewed like the eagle's. The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed." (NIV)

Ps.118:18 "The LORD has chastened me severely, but he has not given me over to death." (NIV)

Ps.119:147 "I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word." (NIV)

Ps.131 "My heart is not proud, O LORD, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, put your hope in the LORD both now and forevermore." (NIV)

Ps.139:23-24 "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (NIV)

Ps.145:13b "The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made." (NIV)

Ps.145:18-19 "The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them." (NIV)

Prov.2:3-6 "Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. Trust the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he wil make your paths straight." (NIV)

Micah 7:18-19 "Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea." (NIV)

Col.3:12-14 "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." (NIV)


One last thing that I wanted to comment on right now was:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He told me that I have ruined his faith and trust in all people forever. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"Blind trust" is indeed gone forever. But what he is saying here is that he is in "defensive mode" with respect to his feelings. That is entirely normal, but it will not last. As you both learn to walk more closely with God, he will first begin to trust you again. After that, he will learn to trust others too. But it will always be from the more positive standpoint of giving trust in response to actions that show it is safe and okay to trust.

As for the faith, it properly belongs to God and His faithfulness. Again, he will learn to have faith in others when he feels that their actions are worthy of having faith in them.

God bless, Jen. My continued prayers for your and your husband.

P.S. When the time is right, if you think that he would like to talk to someone who has been where he is, give him my email address and I'd be honored to talk with him. Or print out some things that you think might speak to where he is currently at, if he is willing to read. But be cautious. Don't try to "educate" him right now. If he says something along the lines of "No one knows what I'm feeling", you could respond that there are and there are fellow Christians who would be willing to listen to you and tell you about their similar experiences and how God has helped them if you'd like to talk to them. Let it be his choice, but have the option available to him.

Jen,
I'm both FBS & FWS (and I served the D papers), marital recovery now 2 1/2 years.

You can't make your H trust you, but you CAN act trustworthily.

I felt my respect for my H return long before I was ready to acknowledge more than the day to day trust that is necessary. What I mean by that is, every day requires a kind of trust--that he won't hurt me, that he won't stray, that he will come home, spend the night and be here in the morning (7 separations, 14 months out of 21, has it's own residue of issues beyond betrayal).

I could see him doing the right things, the things I needed, accountability, opening parts of his life up to me that had been shut a long time. He returned to his marriage, his family (and we have teenagers who know too much), to his faith, his church, his community...and I really respect that.

As a FWS, my H has forgiven me as well. I'm also accountable, honest and keep in mind when I have off moments that my marriage is my priority and not to do anything that will not lead to my goal of a good marriage.

There is trust between us, but also an acknowledgment that it is up to us as individuals to do the right thing. The least of it to explain the bad mood when it strikes.

When we reconciled the 7th time, we both made the decision that we wanted the marriage and would put forth the effort to make it work. It does work.

Your betrayal is a bad thing. He was hurt, suffered losses. But, it is up to him if he perceives his life as ruined forever.

My H & I aren't the same as we were before the bad times, we're wiser, we're more compassionate, LESS angry, LESS depressed. I wouldn't go so far as to say it was worth it, it was all too painful...but it happened the way it happened and that can't be changed.

It's a kind of acceptance, ok that was wretched, I don't want to continue to be wretched, what is the best way to move forward?

For us it required along with time and patience, faith, about 2 years of counseling, a year during the bad times, a year after recovery and the support of MB and good friends.

It hasn't been easy, but we are in love. My H told me last Friday that he's happy with me, with our marriage. I have joy that we've restored our marriage.

Jen, you can only do what you can do...you can't do your H's emotional work for him.

Best wishes to you.

Jen,

It is a first step but a giant one. As everyone saying here, NO LB, plan A all the way. Be yourself, be happy and appreciate H and fillin ENs as much as you can. Don't start R talk and if you are cornered you could tell H that you don't want to ruin the night w/ negative tought however you are glad to make time to discuss this after morning coffee & breakfast in bed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> .

H is still angry but still care. Time will soften his heart. He needs to vent and you are doing the right thing not to LB. Just listen and be patience ... only time will heal it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I can't believe how much I have hurt him. I hate to hear how much he isolates himself from everyone around him. He says he never wants to see any of our friends again, it seems because they know what happened (it must be the shame and embarrassment). He says he has no friends anymore, except maybe for that one mutual female friend.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't get suck into his misbeleive, Jen. You should let him know there is nothing to be shame of working on M, it is honorable. If he want to move away and rebuild life somewhere else you will follow. (I assume you are willing to ammend that for him). Jen, watch out with that mutual freind !.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>As he said, he will never be the same, no matter how things turn out between us.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Reaffirmed him that both of you need time to heal and grow but M could be repaired and rebuild w/ care, protection, time & honesty. Many has traveled this road and many have a better M than before. Have you ever ask H to post here ?.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>To all the BSs out there - were any of you ever at such a rock bottom point? Did you isolate yourself like my H? Do you have any advice????</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My rock bottom is when I found out that my WW uses MB principal to persue OM !. She tries to "fix" this OM. I decided right then that I would take Dv its natural course and I would not even trust myself to "evaluate" her if she ever come out from the fog. This is not b/c of her but I need to protect myself !. My time limit is finalized Dv and I will have NC with her !. I won't even give her a time of day to tell me anything ... she could seek forgiveness from God, I am only human. If she ever comes out before Dv is finalized (Dec 31'02), I would send her to SH and she only has that long to convinced me. The hurt is deep and suck up all my love for her and belive me my pain threshold is very high. I even pettitioned for status change (to Dv) and been granted effective by end of the year .... she can't cancel it now.

I only could tell you, you should be lucky that Dv is not in progress, you have time and time is on your side. I agree w/ you that you should thank God for this opportunity. Hurt BS will equate WS with pain, this is a good step.

-rh-

((((JEN))))

The deeper the love, the greater the hurt.

H loves YOU ..... and therein lies HIS dilemma. "I deeply love someone who has betrayed me."

What comes from this dilemma (from MY personal experience) is a great effort to push away his love .... once this fails, self-loathing for loving someone who causes this much agony. Then baby tentative steps to explore the love-object (you) and test test test. He will do things to test you .... measuring if you will stay the course.

I have to run off now.

Good luck!

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Jen-

I'm so happy to hear that things are looking up for you! As a BS, I can tell you that yes, rock bottom can be pretty low. If I were you, I wouldn't get completely sidetracked with concerns about permanent damage to his ability to love. To the contrary, even though my wife and I haven't R, I feel the potential exists for me to experience a deeper sense of Love than ever before. The key for me was being blessed with the gift of forgiveness. Good Luck!

Thank-you so much to all of your for your posts, especially the BSs. The insight I can gain from those of you who have already been where I am now is invaluable! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I'll be reading and rereading them!!

A funny thing, I'm not dancing around or anything today, like I may have predicted. I am a bit relieved, and perhaps somewhat optimistic, but I know the road ahead is very long, so I'm not putting on my tap-dancing shoes quite yet.

One thing that has been sticking in my mind is the fact that my H said he was shocked I didn't call him sooner, or drop by the house sooner. He described my 3 letter attempts in Aug. and Sept. as lame-@$$ed. I didn't know how to respond to that one. But I did say that the primary reason why I never contacted him was fear of rejection and that he made me feel that he would be upset, even angry, if I did. I also made it very clear that I was just days away from contacting him - that I had been planning for some time to call him this weekend because it is the 3 month mark.

He was also upset that I didn't come around when his dad was in the hospital. I told him that none of them contacted me directly, so I assumed they didn't want me around. He had no response to that.

So, freak that I am, I just finished making a list of reasons why I didn't contact him. Makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something.

But I am not upset by any means. My guard is up!

Now I have 2 wait for him 2 call about our date. He said he wants for me to let him call me, so that he still has a sense of power. I rolled my eyes and said fine, if that's what you want.

JB

Way to go Jen.

Jen,
This is indeed a very positive development. I think Pepper has the overall scenario down to a "T". Try to keep those wise words in mind over the next few weeks/months as Ibelieve they will help you.

Good for you!

Jen:

Haught Dawg!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am all goose-bumpy with optimism for you and your H, Jen!

Please do take it slow. Go out on the date! Avoid R talk. LOVE your H. Let him rediscover his love for you. This will take some time and care, but you're going 2 make it!!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Duh.
Ok
Found your update. Sorry :-)

Hey,
Don't worry Jen. I figured he was waiting back then to see what moves you made. Remember my H did stuff like that. Was not very nice to me, made me feel I had no room to say or do nothing and I would still do little things, which he later said meant alot to him. I guess you H wanted you to go there to make a scene, beg for his forgivness and all that. Well its okay, no one needs to do that. That is NOT attractive or anything. I think you did okay with your 3 letter attemps.

Hey didn't you send you father in law flowers? I think the family will TOTALLY understand that you didn't come around due to your H telling you not to. Let that go. Its water under the bridge.

I know its funny. You think when that day comes you will be singing and running around. Not so. I too was very cautious and just took my time. That is what you need to do. Remember you are STILL working on you.

He is going to say things like your attempts are half a$$ed. Let it go. He is venting.

But see Jen, the whole time you thought he was out galavanting with the OW and all that. He was not. He was really thinking of you. He was holding out to teach you something. My H did the same in the start, even though I was back in the house, I was living in the other room and he made sure to make me feel ALONE and secluded for awhile, then he slowly came around and day by day it got better but I was very cautious and respectful of his wishes and played it smart.

If you H says something to you again or in fact you tell him the reason you didn't come around, or only sent those 3 letters is because you were trying to be respectful of his request. He will appreciate those words Jen. My H did tremendously.

Talk to you soon. Enjoy your date. Go slow. Maybe bring him a little gift, something special that you know he would like.

This is your chance Jen. This is YOUR only chance from how I see it. Go slow. Be careful of what you say, how you say it. Let your heart speak. You have not won your H back yet. He is going to be very critical of things. Expect mood swings too as he sorts through this.

When he tells you he wants to be the one to call because he wants some power or feel like he has some, just gently say "ok". Don't roll your eyes at him. He will take this as disrespectful. That will not score you any points anytime soon.

Be good okay
We are here for you
Have fun.
Zoey