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<small>[ November 25, 2002, 09:42 PM: Message edited by: Seahorse ]</small>

Ahh, Seahorse,

I am feeling a definite connection with you. You said that you feel you deserve more than your H has to offer NOW.

Yes, we both deserve more than that. The whole holding pattern. I feel like I am there. It doesn't bother me too much if I don't think about it as that. That I am somehow WAITING for something to happen. I just move along. Will H ever wake up? Will I be here when he does??

I looked at my H last time he was here and felt much the same. I would also run like he!! if we were just starting an R. He does not put on a show for me like I am sure he puts on for OW. He is not very attractive now.

Very weird that he tells you these OW/OW things. Maybe you have become his Confessional. Guess it is just part of the fog. I wish my H would mention SOMETHING about OW. I don't know what is up with them. I don't know if they are madly in love, friends, not seeing each other, living together, nothing. UGH

I still think there is hope for both of us. But in a way the pendulum is swaying in our direction. It is becoming more and more OUR decision if we want to try to restore our R's. Before WH's had all the power. Now we are giving US the power. Even if WH's never make a turn back to us, it is important for us to reach the point where the power is ours. Where we have control over what WE want and what WE feel. We have given that power to them for so long. There comes a time when we must take it back.

I think that may be what SH is getting at when he turns the HOPE question back to you.

Anyway Seahorse, you sound well. I wish I could scuba with you. I love to snorkel, not too many chances in UTAH!! But I grew up in CALIFORNIA by the ocean. It is my love. Think of me next time you go.

Thanks and love,

Sharon

Liz - did you and Steve discuss Plan B? What are your thoughts about this?

Plan B is where I believe you should be.

It seems to me that you've made tremendous Plan A progress, you've demonstrated your changes to your H to the extent you can, you're physically separated, and - most importantly - you need to isolate yourself from him for your own good. Your growth may stagnate with him in the picture.

He is tormenting you and you are allowing it. This doesn't mean that Plan B won't be torment - but it'll be in your control and on your terms and with an end in sight. By allowing continued contact, you give him control to continue to inflict pain on you.

Please consider freeing yourself. He's made all the decisions so far. He decided to separate from you. Plan B is your decision to STAY separated.

Please do not underestimate the emancipative power of Plan B.

Dave

<small>[ November 24, 2002, 08:08 AM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

Seahorse -- I woke up this morning thinking that I really don't even want to be in a relationship with WH. Then, I get up and see the things in my house that remind me of the good times with WH and how thoughtful he used to be. I hear in your post the torment of spending time with someone that you loved, but who has turned into a selfish person. The selfishness of these situations is what I think kills the love of the BS.

I am curious why SH doesn't want you to go to plan B yet. I know you tried it for a while and he counseled you to go back into plan A. However, I think the selfishness of his one-sided conversations with you is really draining your lovebank. Why the 1-1.5 month timeframe for your continuing in plan A?

The reason I am so curious is that you have definitely made positive changes in your life. Your WH doesn't seem to acknowledge them. I am also perplexed by his giving some other woman his business card and having dinner with her. It seems to me there is more going on than OW and this is an example of WH acting out more taboo behaviors just because he can/seems to be some kind of rebellion behavior like a teenager. I know they all do this to some extent or the other. The only positive I see from this behavior is that OW must not be meeting all his needs either because he's "introducing" himself to other women and still depending upon you for listening to his trials and tribulations.

This is all so confusing and it's really hard to say what is going on. Your WH is probably still confused, but the big question is how much more of this can you tolerate? If you feel like your love for him is evaporating, why does SH still think Plan A makes sense?

I really hope some BS that have been through this and brought their Ms back respond to you. You know I can only empathize with your situation. I'm in the same boat full of holes.

Hi All,

At one point I thought SH was enjoying torturing me out however I understand well now. This is my 2¢. SH will push you to the extreme limit as long as he detected a slight LB$ left on you. Trust him and try to vent here and hang in there ... he will be the first one to tell you to go to plan B when the time is right. IMVHO, he only have one session with WS, that is not enough. You need a few sessions to let him "teach" and let WS to learn about MB. He gave WS few weeks to digest it. Until then if WS still not turned around there is no hope on your M but you have to go to plan B as the last draw. Beleive me, you won't have any regret after you are done with it. You will be ready 100% to move on.

-rh-

Thanks for your support guys

<small>[ November 25, 2002, 09:39 PM: Message edited by: Seahorse ]</small>

Liz - fair enough. I follow your logic and I better understand your current feelings. I perhaps read more pain into your recent posts than you intended.

I will continue to follow your progress and offer my support if you desire it.

Dave

<small>[ November 26, 2002, 03:26 PM: Message edited by: Seahorse ]</small>