Well, I suppose my signature line really says it all. I found MB July 00, two months after DDay and believe me what a Godsend this site and all these wonderful people have been to me.

Our recovery took a while - with ups and downs - discovery of con't contact last year - my Husband unable and unwilling to say he loved me - well, because he said he didn't! I persevered and have to admit thought of giving up more than once, but...something just clicked for my H and his heart belongs with me again! I'm a Plan A Lifer - with my husband, my family and myself. I'm a much better person to live with!

We had a fairly recent glitch - more online contact with OW (him and me, separately), this was all brought on by me (long story), but all turned out well. Big LB for me to have a lengthy online conversation with OW, but I feel good about my chat with her. We are past that now...

So, I still have my moments of sadness and even anger - but they are brief and to myself. My Husband is just awesome and really we have truly fallen in love with each other again. His affair, which was in his mind a love affair because it did affect him deeply, will be a part of our history as a couple, but we have the faith in each other that we didn't before and look to each other for support, love and friendship. Man, do I love him!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

This has been interesting, to say the very least. It's wonderful that so many of these marriages are still intact, and that so many are doing well regardless of whether or not their marriage survived.

Mine was one that didn't survive, but I'm far enough beyond that trauma that I'm now grateful that it didn't. In fact it wasn't until I finally admitted to myself that my marriage was a mistake from the beginning that I started to heal. I should have paid attention to those red flags, that feeling in my gut, and those well-meaning friends and relatives that tried to talk sense to me. Honestly, if she was willing to lie to me about where she was going, who she was with, and what she was doing before we were married, isn't it logical to think she'd do the same thing after the wedding? What was I thinking?

Anyway, I don't really feel like hashing through the history lessons right now. My sig has some of the more important milestones. I'll just add that my very first d-day was the day after Thanksgiving, 1997. That was my very first panic attack. And this year, in 2002, I made it through that day without even once thinking about the he&#0124;&#0124; I left behind.

I counseled with Jennifer @ MB until after x filed. During my last session she told me that I should wait at least a year to start dating, and I got that same advice from one of my church leaders. I thought it was good advice at the time, and I followed it. I started dating last summer, 14 months after the divorce was final, 18 months after I separated. It was absolutely the best course of action I could have taken. I have no regrets at all, I didn't miss out on a thing. I got things under control and learned to be the person I used to be. I've now met someone I like, and she likes me. I'm having a great time with my life, and it's wonderful to be around someone who isn't treating me like something she's trying to scrape off her shoe. I've been using my newfound MB knowledge to build a healthy, strong relationship. This stuff really works! And it works best when both partners are emotionally healthy. There's no way I'd consider going back to a sick, twisted, imitation of a relationship when the real thing works so much better!

Hey Orchid,
You know your right, when I first arrived on the seen the stories of the older members always gave me hope. So I’ll play. Also this will help bump the success rate in nick123’s figures.

Me D-day was Oct 13, 2000 (Friday the 13th) I registered on the 20th. Back in October I posted a 2 year update on the Recovery board that I consider to be a success story. Rather than reposting it, for those interested it can be found here.

Caution it’s long.

Oz

<small>[ December 06, 2002, 11:46 AM: Message edited by: oswald ]</small>

Guess I'll chime in.

D-day - 25 Dec 98.
First post - 28 Dec 98
19th Anniversary - 5 Jan 99
She left with wankstain - 17 Feb 99. Has only been back twice, to see girls.
I divorced her - 15 Jan 2002
She doesn't know it yet.

Two daughters, 17 & 11. I have sole custody, no visitation (not that she even ever calls them).

I counseled with Steve 5-6 times from Mar 99 - Aug 00.

D-Day was late Nov. 2000. WW involved in EA with co-worker. Found MB 12/1. Plan A even before I found MB (not perfect mind you). She was going to leave me after the first of the year (don't know what she was going to live on <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ). Began to gravitate back after 10 day trip to visit family, but went back to work and got caught up in the flirting again. End of Jan 2001 invited OM to our home while I was away on business and indulged in their one and only sexual smorgasbord.

I came home the next day, found some calls on her cell phone at funny times. Confronted her. She made lame excuses, but within a couple of minutes came crying to confess. I think reality struck her at that point, and she realized that this was no game.

I took her back immediately, not knowing just how difficult the whole recovery process would be (would choose recovery again, knowing what I know now).

Been a difficult and painful road, but we have travelled way past the "point of no return". Our marriage today is FAR better than it was before, although far from perfect. She avoids thinking about or talking about the A to the point where it actually hurts me. I've done a lot of healing, but still not completely there. I have a lot of triggers during the holiday season, and am "feeling" them more than I thought I would this year.

But thanks to God and MB, we are doing well. We are back as a married couple, a family and as healthy (or becoming more so) individuals.

Well, like most everyone said, the highlights are in my signature line.

In summary, I can say this. I thought I was going to DIE. I was so shocked when D-day occurred... devastated... crushed.... panick-stricken... I didn't know what to do, or how I could ever make it, much less have any hope for my marriage.

I picked myself up and started taking baby steps in the things I knew. I began working on myself, and decided I wouldn't let it destroy me as a person. I started reading everything I could to work on myself (to improve myself, and to somehow SURVIVE!!!), and to learn what I could do to try to save my marriage. I already had "His Needs, Her Needs", so I pulled it out, and began studying, then found this site. I read Dobson's "Love Must be Tough". AND... I turned to what I knew would never fail me: God. The only things I had were my faith in Him, faith in myself (the only person I have any control over), and faith in my marriage, and is how I picked my MB name, Faith1.

As my sig line indicates, H came home twice, and finally insisted he wanted a D, and I pretty much accepted it at that point. I didn't really have a choice. The Harley Plan A and Plan B are how I survived, and helped me through the process, they WORKED!!! They are the reasons I could accept my H's actions and decisions as a speed-bump in life, and could pick up and move forward.

Since then, I am moving forward with my life, and trying to apply the MB principles to all relationships in my life (family, friends, and in dating). Yes, I'm probably dating sooner than many would recommend, but I feel that with all that I've learned, and with the caution I'm taking, I am learning and growing, and I'm having a great time. Being single again scared me to death, and I CERTAINLY don't recommend divorce just to be able to start over and have fun. It STILL scares me sometimes, but I feel healthy and happy with myself, and MB has armed me with knowledge on how to build a healthy relationship when the time is right.

MB was a life-saver to me. It has a been a place of tremendous comfort, support, and growth for me. It has also been a place where I can OFFER comfort and support to others, which helped keep my own problems in perspective, and has helped me heal and grow more confident in myself.

By the way, our D was final on Mar. 1, 2001, and the A ended on May 3. Things really went downhill for WS and OW when I moved to Plan B, then REALLY downhill after the D. Reality hit. And she started an EA with ANOTHER MM. My XH finally saw her for her true colors, and was smart enough to end things with her and put his life back together.... not his life WITH ME.... but he is very apologetic today... and wonders if one day we can start over.

So, there's my update. My marriage didn't survive, but I did. MB was a big part in helping me become a better person, and I'm VERY thankful for my friends here.

Hugs to all!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ January 02, 2003, 01:09 PM: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</small>

Well how fitting that I should run across this today. I would have to say that our marriage is better than ever, no it is the best that it has ever been. Our real recovery started in August, ~2 1/2 yr after the end of H affair. There were several catalysts that I won't go into now, but it set us up to move into the relationship that we had always wanted with one another.

Now for the kicker...both exOW and her H have contacted my husband and I in the last 3 days. He to tell me they were divorcing, she to warn H that her H was angry and was going to contact him, and then her H again to me to tell me that according to her the A was still in full swing. Hmmm...I do not believe her for a minute and think that she is doing this just to hurt as many people as she can.

Had it not been for MB principles, the honesty, communication, spending time together etc...I might have fallen in to her trap of lies and be questioning my H right now. As it stands, we have taken action together to handle this situation, and had luckily discussed it prior to now. So instead of tearing us down, it is serving to further cement us together as we are working together to end this harrassment.

That is it in a nutshell...the ongoing saga is on the EN board under 'she' back' if you want to see what is happening and how we are handling it.

I guess I'm a borderline member of this group, as I lurked in late 2001, but didn't start posting until Mar. 2002...

In any case, the sig line has the basics, and I am currently separated and in a semi-plan b. My W has shown some signs of life, and perhaps we may soon be together again and working as a team to save our M.

I am doing well, my children are doing fairly well, although the "uncertainty" of our M is weighing heavily on them. But we have all pretty much put our "new" lives back together and we are looking to the future with hope in the knowledge that all things are as they should be.

All my love!

Hmmm, I guess I has been counted in this sensus's time line ... LOL !!!. Not much to report, I have uptodate account on my profile link. However the most significant one is when I realize that my Sea of Love has been drained by WW, I counter file by petitioning change of status from M to Dv (8/16/02). The judge granted it to be effective on 12/31/02. I don't want my WW to cancel this Dv, I want to proceed full course ahead since w/o my pettition I would have to start from zero to Dv. Don't have energy and don't have financial mean to do it. As I told SH, I left the door open for WW but WW shut it by filling Dv & continue disrespect of M. Dv to me is a lock key that no none know the combination to open it up. Today is Dec 6 ... she has 25 days not only to wake up from her fog but to convince me & SH that she could change and make me happy. It is not going to happen. I also loss my job, get laidoff (8/15) since I didn't try hard to keep it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ... I don't need to gave her any SS or CS if I don't have job and CC is 50-50. God has a plan ... otherwise I have to pay 3K+ per month for the next 8 years plus I think her lawyer will push for life time SS. I enjoy my time off, I use it to heal and take care of myself. I am ready to give my best to someone that will cherish it. I am ready to start new life ... I have new house, new life, and getting to start over w/ a new job/carreer. I could not wait 'till my Dv to find someone to brace the new life together. My WW told my 2 D that Dad will look for a wife as soon as Dv ... she is 100% right, I am an absolute giver and I need a taker ... a skillfull taker <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . I know I am not Richard Gere but I know I could be an irresistable mate to the one that I would give myself to her.
-rh-

D-day Feb 15, 2001--think I came here around Feb 18.

H and I and 2Ds had to go to a weekend camp (boy, we were dumb!) the day after I confessed. During that wkd, I went to a Christian bookstore with some friends, broke down, told them what happened and found Surviving An Affair which led to finding MB.

I just posted my story recently "In Recovery" under "Lighthouse-my story-long"

Things are going great with H and I. I love him more every day. We are going through an unusual time right now with a dear friend who became paralyzed on his right side following surgery. H and I have committed to be his brother and sister in Christ during this season and beyond by visiting and encouraging him.

It is a little scary to me as it's an emotionally vulnerable situation but praise God, for boundaries and His help in setting protective fences around myself in this regard.

I thank God for H who forgave me, understands me and loves me unconditionally. I am grateful that I can confide him when I am frightened or worried and sometimes he intuitively knows my needs. I am proud that we will have been married for 19 years on January 14, 2003--wow--can't believe that.

Tonight we were at a party when a senior citizen proudly announced his 60th wedding anniversary is approaching. I would love to reach that kind of success in good health!

I love coming to MB and trying to encourage and offer hope to others. I also am more than grateful for so many of you, "new" and "old" who have helped me through various stages of recovery.

Nice to visit "friends" and learn or be reminded of when and how you came here and how you are doing now.

Take care, all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hello all,

I definitely qualify as a pre-2001 MBer - started lurking in Nov 2000 and posting in Jan 2001. My time-line is detailed in my profile signature, which is an extremely simplied version of the events of my life since d-day.

It has been months since I wrote any kind of update, as I have been barely surviving. But I am feeling a little better these days, though hanging on by a thread during my worst moments.

I am on medical leave from work, my health problems resulting directly from the he** that was my life from Sept. 2000. After trying to hold it all together, with the support of the wonderful people on this forum and a couple of amazing real-time friends, in addition to counselling all throughout, I guess I just could not hold it together anymore. My body, mind, heart and soul just gave way. I collapsed inward, first physically, then emotionally, and right now I am still struggling on both although improving slowly.

Thankfully, our two wonderful children are thriving - which is truly amazing given a formerly extremely messed up dad, a currently very sick mom, a recent move to a new home in a completely different neighbourhood, and our little guy starting school. Thank God that they have been largely unharmed by this ordeal.

For my part, I have been in hospital and then at home, barely breathing at some intervals, sometimes severely depressed and other times a little less. I am being seen by a team of physicians, including four specialists at last count. My physical illnesses are reasonably well controlled now, but I am still struggling emotionally. I finally got to the top of the waiting list to see a good psychiatrist earlier this fall, and according to the psych, I am suffering from a major depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. Although I started taking anti-depressants in spring 2001 to help me survive the roller-coaster, they just were not enough to help me through the last big dip in January of 2002. Since seeing my new doc, we have tried adding new medication, but I had an allergic reaction to it; so we are in the process of trying to find a medication or combination of meds that will work to relieve more of the symptoms. I am glad to be getting good medical treatment, but, realistically, finding the right meds could take many months. In the meantime, I see my psych weekly for therapy and meds, my GP every two or three weeks, and the other speicalists about every two or three weeks also. I am also on an waiting list for an outpatient program for depression and PTSD.

All of this still seems completely unreal to me! I had not been depressed EVER in my life (before d-day), had rarely missed a day of work (or school before that) due to illness, and have led a normal life with many lumps and bumps through the years. So, it is really unbelieveable to me that I still spend many, many days unable to get out of bed.

My H has been very supportive throughout most of 2002 and is truly fabulous most days now. He keeps our family running these days, for the most part with only a little help from me - something he did not, would not, and could not have done before all of this. My children are my life; I love and adore them, and they keep me going; they are my reasons for fighting to get healthy.

Somehow, I would have thought that my 2 year and 3 months status report would be far, far different from this long mess; but I am doing the best I can. I pray to God that it will be enough.

Hugs to all,
OneDay

I came here in May 2000, I guess. Was surfing the net looking for something else and stumbled in here. And I've become an addict.

My x moved out over 7 years ago. We've been divorced 4 years.

In November, I filed a police incident report against him after he threw his car keys at our 9yo son and hit him with them.

The guy's best for me when he is no where near me. But the children need to know him. So, I am as nice as I can be. And keep hoping for that on the job accident. Well, not real hopeful but keep thinking it would be nice.

I didn't date until about 18 months after the divorce. That lasted about 3 months. Since then, I've met a wonderful man and truly enjoy every moment I spend with him. But he lives 1100 miles away from me. So we see each other only occaisionally. And it is like vacation - it isn't real life. But I think I know why he is in my life at this time. And that is so that I will have a safe place to learn to receive love and affection and to communicate with a man - skills x never gave me a chance to develop.

I am not the bleeding, pulpy mess I was 5-7 years ago. I know that I can do almost anything. And that I can rise to the challenges. And that I can make it without having another adult around.

Well, I guess it's my turn. I hate to follow my dear friend Princess Cinderella's post... but here goes. <waving up - hi honey!>

I registered here in September 2000. I hoped that I would make sense out of things... I didn't fully understand the extent of the damage... I'll explain.

You can't count me in the statistics because we never had a chance. On July 12, 2000 my husband had an accident at work that left him with some pretty severe disabilities. At the time of the accident he was very involved with someone - to the point of discussing marriage... The police came to the door, the hospital, DNR, ICU, surgery, papers to sign, social workers, chaplain, months of auto pilot. Doctors have a way of only giving you what you can handle, and your mind only soaks in what you can live with at that moment and still breathe and beat.

He fell from the roof of a four story building, and has a traumatic brain injury. His soulmate, the one he was leaving me for, bailed. She couldn't handle even seeing him in the hospital.

He no longer functions as a whole being. His personality is gone. Because his brain damage is to the frontal lobe he is prone to violent outbursts. The man that was my husband is dead, the kids dad is gone. We now realize that, and we greive for that loss. He wasn't perfect, by any means... but there are good memories. We did love each other at one time. We did make two amazing, smart, beautiful children. We loved going to the drive in together, even when the kids were born we never stopped. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I am his caregiver. I let the lawyers and docs handle more and more of the stuff as time goes by, but I will always be the person that makes the decisions concerning his care. I made a promise to him. In sickness and in health. Just because he didn't keep his end of the bargain doesn't release me from mine. He will always be an important part of me. How could I not make sure that my kids Daddy doesn't have the best of everything? Sometimes people don't understand, well - sometimes I don't understand either. I don't have to do it every day, and I don't have to make it my life mission. But I do want to be responsible for him and make sure his life is the best possible.

I especially want to thank one of my MB friends for all the hours spent reading my wishy washy emails concerning the care and feeding of [censored]. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Thanks a million R.

So, we are divorced.

I am moving on with that part of my life. A date here, and a date there... keeping my eyes open for the special guy that's willing to take on this rag tag bunch...

He is out there. I'm sure of it. I just hope he finds me before I turn 90.

I'm good. Really good.

E

Well, I too found MB in 2001, so I fit in.

I am doing fine, my kids are great, and we will survive!!

His divorce was final on the 19th. I did not want this, but XH never gave us a chance, that was hard for me, I deserved that from him and he wasn't willing to give me that.

I was awarded a very good amount for CS and SS, I deserve that as I had promised like he did til death due us part. I will get half of his military retirement in a few years.

Am I happy? Yes, I am helping to start a Divorce support group at our church!!! I think I have a lot to contribute, much of which I learned here!!!! I want others to know that you will survive, I did not come out of this with what I wanted, but I came out with a lot!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Bellevue here with my update. Been posting since April 2000.

To backtrack, last Christmas we stayed with my H's brother and SIL and H's parents were there also. Christmas Eve H was on his cell phone for a very long time, out of the room. Talking to guess who - his "bestfriend." Pretty painful.

New Years Eve we were at home of old friends and I noticed H was out of the room. I went looking for him and guess what - he's on his cell!

One of H's staff had a surprise bday party. He told me he wasn't bringing me. I arranged to leave our S with friends of mine and went anyway. The OW didn't show up but I had brought something for her (calm down folks, it was only a book - which I still have in my dresser for her)

Spring - a mutual friend had a birthday party. He and his girlfriend sent BOTH of us an invitation. H accepts, tells me he's not bringing me.

Finally I got fed up. I started looking for lawyers, interviewing, saving cash and opening a safe deposit box, rented a post office box, and got ready to file for D.

It took a long time, longer than I thought or planned, to get ready. But early August I took money from the bank, put it into my own secret account, hired an atty, and filed for D.

Left him a letter in his glove box one morning and told him to read it. He called from office, said he wanted to talk, and persuaded me to wait on the D. Even suggested I talk to his Mom (a saint if there ever was one) about long term effects of D on children. I didn't because of concern for her health. But in the delay period H made major effort to be nice to me.

Major effort consists of looking at me when he talks, thanking me for dinner and saying it was good (it always is!) letting me know where he is when he's late, making coffee in the AM sometimes, emptying the dishwasher, and thoughtful (not expensive, which wouldn't cut it for me) gifts. A magen david on a chain, a Hebrew Bible, or a used book from a yard sale, reflect my interests.

I have recovered unspent money from the atty but kept it in the bank, and I also make an effort to be thoughtful and not hit him with any LB's.

His cell phone bill is way low now, minimal, which is excellent because that's how he kept their relationship going.

Other things have become very important. One is that my MIL took a turn for the worst and spent a month in hospital, and is not recovering with any speed. My H and his bro took turns flying to be with her in the hospital. My FIL is alive but isn't the type to be a caregiver. I leave Sun. to stay at her house with her and watch her. H and S join me before Xmas.

I'm so glad I never unburdened myself to her. If I had, I'd be blaming myself for the bad health she is in now. Just knew I needed to protect her.

We're not a success story. We just didn't divorce.

<small>[ December 09, 2002, 07:47 PM: Message edited by: Bellevue ]</small>

Gee, I 'spose if you look up any one of the 5000+ posts I have, you can pretty easily figure out my story. I'm a bit on the chatty side. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I've been around since 1999, and I really thought I'd save my marriage after infidelty on both sides (although it was my affair that brought me here).

We divorced in 2000, after a 20 year marriage.

In 2001 I got married to someone else - and a pretty wonderful someone else he is. My husband and I both agree that we moved too quickly... sacrifices were made... and there have been struggles beyond what either of us ever invisioned...

But...

We're in love, we treat each other with respect and kindness, and we stand together in the storms, not apart. That's something pretty amazing, and I know I'm blessed.

I showed up here in October 2001. It was a little over a month post-d-day, and I had started to get a grip on myself after 3-4 really rough weeks.

In 10/01, she admitted a first PA, a long time ago with a guy she worked with / had classes with. But I knew that the most pressing issue was the current A.

I got her into IC in 10/01 also, and we continued to live together - very odd scenario where we both commuted about 50 miles in opposite directions by trains. She spent time with me, yes, but also spent long hours at her work, making all sorts of excuses.

The fog was thick, mixed with a lot of anger from 9/01 to about 3/02. I really used MB to sharpen a Plan A that involved tinkering and experimentation from about 11/01 to the end of 5/02. I had some effective periods, some ineffective. I did some counseling with SH, mostly 1/02 to 6/02.

In 3/02, I went to confront OM #2 in person. I was advised to do so by SH and IC, who I'd had some IC sessions with, both jointly and by myself. Confronting OM definitely stirred the pot. WW freaked out, threatened to leave, but did not.

In 4/02 and to the middle of 5/02, WW seemed a little more "normal" towards me. Less angry. This actually made me suspicious. (If she weren't getting her drug, I'd expect more anger, etc.) I did some semen testing in 5/02, and found out that the PA was still going on, despite her seeming to warm up to me a bit. (SF ended at d-day.)

Based on the continuing PA, I decided to go to Plan B. I realized I was the poster child for giving her cake on a silver platter. I was meeting many EN's of hers, and OM only had very few to worry about. I knew their R had been rocky at times - cultural differences were probably the least of their issues - the simple personality dynamics of A's was there, although WW was too fogged to realize it.

I told WW I was going to leave in mid 5/02. She really tried hard to get me to change my mind... Even offered up SF again - big time!! But she knew what I needed, and wasn't willing to say those magic words.

I left her in our apartment and moved myself into a rented house about 2 miles away. I took the cats, and left WW with a decent amount of stuff. I gave her a Plan B letter on 6/4/02, and cut my contact a lot.

She didn't seem to mind... for a while. I went away on a camping trip by myself in 7/02, and WW took care of my place - a bit of contact to set that up. She was starting to show signs of much more friendliness, and so I went back to something of a Plan A from a distance. We spent our anniversary, 7/17/02 together, and had a "date" at the end of 8/02.

After that "date", I discovered e-mail evidence that OM #2 was pretty much out, but a new OM #3 was "in". Ha! Cake eater strikes again.

I realized that my love bank at the 6/02 Plan B was still too high... but now it was nearly gone. I started a strong, strong Plan B in 9/02, AND I started on Prozac. That took 2-3 weeks to kick in, but slowly has made a great difference.

I've stayed very dark for 9/02 to the present. There's some new evidence that OM #2 is back, but given their history and "cultural issues", I think it's all wishful thinking on her part. She moved closer to her work in 11/02 - the apartment was just costing too much. She made a point to tell me that she wasn't moving to be closer to OM #2 or as a symbol that she wants a Dv. She resisted moving with a vengence for a long time - was one reality she wanted to avoid.

It's now 12/02, and the last word from her was trying to tell me that she thinks of me often. But no signs of commitment to work. The only thing left for her to do is file if she isn't going to work on things. I've shown that I'm not going to budge, even despite possible advice by SH to others about Plan B with no kids being risky - I'm willing to take that risk. WW has proven herself to be the ultimate cake eater, and it's over.

Wow, laying it all out, it seems pretty amazing that I've stood this for 16 months now, seeming to be no farther ahead, and for a woman I don't have any kids with. But I guess it's only been every few months that something has in fact happened or changed, so maybe my perspective is just messed up.

My expectations are that 12/02 will be taken up with our separate trips back home. In 1/03, I figure she'll do *something*. I know I'll be off skiing, working my buns off, living life as best I can, etc.

I suspect I'd file is she hasn't by 4/03. By the time Dv would be completed, it'd be 10/03, which is about 2 years of this overall.

I can't say, though, that I'd be willing to reconcile beyond somewhere in early '03. Really hard to say. I think she's got all the tools available to figure this thing out... if she can't do it, I don't want her.

Hi All - the status right now is that I'm waiting for my wife to reply on the support and property proposal from this summer. I'm no longer interested in restoring this marriage. My wife said some nasty things about my Mom a few days after the funeral, and that really sealed things for me on top of everything else.

Lexxy had the interesting comment about MB "dragging out" a divorce. Once my plan B time ran out, I was ready to move on the divorce. Now it's my wife who wants to delay the full financial impact, and I'm the one who wants to move on. No dating and no SF is tough, it's going on 2 years now. In my state the clock for no-fault could run another year, and I'm seriously considering a re-filing on grounds of adultery, which would speed things up. There is already a draft, and if I actually file that way it could make another interesting update to post, but generally I lurk and post here less often.

I did read SAA immediately after my D-day, and counseled with SH about 10 times from 7/2001 to 1/2002. Both were helpful and I would not suggest using only this forum to apply MB principles.

The MB principles with plans A and B are great, even if the marriage is not restored as in my case. They provide a structure and a plan for getting through this, and now looking back, I'm satisfied that nothing I did on D-day or later could have made any difference. My wife did notice and acknowledge some changes before plan B started, but her mind was made up.

Good luck to all the newer members. Sometimes things don't work out the way you hope, especially when it depends on other people. But you can be responsible for, and proud of, your own behavior. It's a great comfort to have been the last one trying.

- Tom

Hello old friends,
I havent even looked at the posts on this site in more than 6 months, it became too painful.
My WH and I have been recovering for 2 years in March.
We are happily married.
He still cant say what he was thinking.
OW has a new baby, same husband, and my H views her in a very different light (she had another A with another co-worker soon after my H)
This was THE hardest thing I have EVER done period!
It would have been so easy to leave,so hard to stay and work it out.
I still have bad days - but not many.
Gained back the weight <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
He loves me and radical honesty is part of our lives now.
Hope this increases the good percentages.
L

Hey y'all!

It's been a while since I've been here, and a LONG time since I've done the update thing. We southerners are a bit superstitious sometimes!

I found MB in September of 1999, just a few days after my husband admitted to being "involved" with another woman. Of course, he lied about who the woman was, and he lied about the extent of the involvement, and he lied about most everything else for a long time. I was so desperate to believe him that I let him convince me that I was making a "big deal out of nothing" (one of the more famous WS quotes, by the way), and nearly lost my mind wondering why I couldn't survive "nothing".

In August of 2000, the OW's husband brought me proof of the affair that was ongoing. We began false recovery. Again. We counseled with the Harleys and other great counselors, followed the MB rules, etc. It looked great on paper. Trouble with that was, it was all built on a stack of lies. It took another whole year and a minor breakdown on my part for him to finally commit to our marriage enough to be honest. Most people here didn't know about the breakdown. I left for a month, telling him that I didn't know when or if I would return, only that I knew I needed to distance myself to heal enough to go on.

The truth did wonders for me. It let me begin to trust myself again, to know that my instincts were right on the whole time, and to accept the fact that the love of my life was capable of doing all the horrible things he did.

I came back stronger and better. My husband is much better. Our marriage is surviving, and certainly there are things about our relationship that are better than the first 25 years. Our marriage is stronger in many ways, weaker in many ways. One thing I do know is that I am definitely a survivor. I now have actual periods of time when the affair doesn't even enter my mind. It is no longer the first thing I think of when I wake, the last thing before I sleep, and the thing that dominates my dreams. It is a part of the past.

I do think we will be together forever. But only if we both remain truly faithful this time. I count my marriage as one of the successes, but at the same time we all know how fleeting success can be...................

Peppermint