Sorry if not politically correct <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Well all the sh@! has hit the fan. We were having contact and she got mad at me and filed a police report on the RO. Luckily I got to police before a warrant was signed and the police chief wanted to see wifes phone record (he knows she was in violation by aiding and abbeting). Well wife has still not turned over records. Chief asked wife if she has contacted me while this has been in effect. She said NO! I guess she forgot about 4 hour conversation last weekend (she contacted me). Well I showed him all my phone records and emails from wife. He is ready to file false information to a police officer. He understands why I haven't reported her. I don't want my daughter's mother in jail. It won't help a thing. Wife knows that could happen and told my mother "what about Sophie?" Funny she uses daughter when it suits her, but screw my husband who loves me.

Weird in June she hugs me and says she does love me and then in August she contacts attorney. Anyway, wife told my mother she regrets ever meeting me and wishes she had never been part of this family.

She sure has turned into a mean nasty person. I hope she enjoys her new life and meets her "dream man".

It is time for me to move on without her. I am going to hurry divorce along as she thinks I will try to delay it. No use to do that now. She has told me now---she definately wants out.

AA- My h filed charges against me for assault... I defended myself agaisnt him when he was holding me tightly with both arms, keeping me from the ow.... who I was quite angry at, and it was worth restaining me... but I defended myself against him and got him off me, and guess who got in trouble... ME... this was over a yr ago... we are in counseling now, and there might be hope... who even knows anymore... my h is trying to ruin the little hope I have it seems, it is hard to hang on, while they do this to us...

Hugs, H

Alan, knowing you, I would ask you first before giving you my 1¢ ... Who contact who first ? ... What make her ticked this time?. I told you before if you are LB'ed I don't need to send 2x4 ... your W will do that for me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>It is time for me to move on without her. I am going to hurry divorce along as she thinks I will try to delay it. No use to do that now. She has told me now---she definately wants out.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are right where she wants you to be ... and you will regret this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> ... I guess she forgot about 4 hour conversation last weekend (she contacted me). </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When ? is it after my bet ?

-rh-

<small>[ December 11, 2002, 02:08 AM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

Redhat, what made her ticked? Everything, but this time I learned she stayed out all night last Saturday night while my daughter was at someones house. I contacted her and I was upset. The last contact we had was a week earlier when I was talking to you and she called. It was all a game. Keep me calm, keep me guessing, dig for information.

She does not want to be married to me and has said that with words and actions. I have decided not to drag this out. She is going to be in fog well past divorce date. I wish I had the strength to go on and wait, but I don't. She probably thinks I'm strange to try and be nice and save marriage after everything we've been going through. Now it is just getting worse. I realize she cannot see any possibility of anything changing if she was even remotely thinking of attemting to work on marriage.

Well all hell broke loose and now it is calming down.

Wife was told by police that I turned over my phone records to them and if she still wants me arrested for violation that she too will be arrested. Guess what....now she is having second thoughts. She lied to police twice about no contact. He pointed out 4 hour call last week, but she didn't recall. She has even been lying to her grandparents and telling them she hasn't been contacting me. They would like me to send them my records and emails. She is strange right now. All the lies and such. Is this my former wife? Or just a shell of her?

I did file papers with the court today for a conciliator. It will be my counselor (counselor we saw together last year). I feel this needs to be done. I know it is over, but we have issues regarding our daughter, so I don't feel bad about doing it. I know it won't save the marriage and am going into with that in mind. I will also inform counselor and wife of this. Also when daughter is old enough I will feel better that I did it. I did not walk away from marriage and family.

AA, Hang in there. There is hope. I believe the fog is slowly clearing for my h, but there are days I wonder if I have lost my mind. We are going to a christian marriage counselor and that is one very big answer here to all of this mess.... I pray you have one for your consiliator? sp?

Luck and hope to you. Sometimes people we love get all caught up in themselves, that is just part of being a ws..... Give her to God the best you can and DO NOTHING to make her angry... love her from a distance in every way you can.... that means no phone calls to tell her how she messed up... remember your lecturing of talking won't break the fog... your kindness will.

I only say the above because I am one of the biggest guilty parties at letting my h know when i am upset, when he has hurt me, and what he needs to do to make it better.... for right now, plan a, plan a, plan a... if that means leaving her alone- do it.

Hugs, H

I don't know AA, the fat lady may still be trying to fit into that size 20 dress before singing her last note <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ok,
Wife has decided to file complaint and have me arrested. I think she doubts I will do the same to her. Well, I have to stand up for myself, so I filed a complaint. She now has the opportunity to drop hers and then I will do the same. We have a child and I do not WANT my wife to go to jail, but I am tired of me getting in trouble at her convenience either. I think I have to protect myself and show her some backbone. Maybe this will wake her up. I still don't understand WHY she wants to do this when county attorney told her she will also be arrested. Why would she want this. I have never threatened her. I have only been nice. Police also wonder.....if she was afraid of me and got RO then WHY is she talking to me for 4 hours on phone? Ridiculous.

Anyway conciliator is a catholic counselor and W is catholic (at least she was <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) I wonder any more. She used to be so nice until aliens took her over. If things changed it would be a miracle. I just wish I could sleep for 6 months and wake up in someone elses life!

Are you sure she's not having an A?

She has been dating. That's all I know. She has ben in contact via internet and phone with men. No set boyfriend, but she wasn't home at 3 am last Sunday morning is all I know.

Alan,
Did you upset 'casue she was not home on that night or something else ?. Remember in this plan A, we should not have any expectation. Close to be in living dead, you should just proceed whatever we have talk about. You only have a few months, give your best you won't regret it. I told you before if WS rejects your plan A ... either your plan A is full of holes or your WS is high on A ! ... could be both <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> too.
-rh-

Yes, I was upset that she wasn't home at 3am. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I was thinking of daughter at sitters all night too. What type of person has my W become? Now with legal problems. We both filed complaints. She will be in the same amount of trouble and she was told if she didn't complain I wouldn't ..yet she still went ahead. I guess I don't understand her thinking and wonder how she feels this will help anyone.

I still petitioned court for conciliator. I guess it will be to resolve issues and move on. I told her at least I can look back proudly at this and tell my daughter years from now that I truly tried to make it work. I guess that's all I can do. I just can't believe she lies to police and her grandparents that she has never contacted me. The county attorney said she will subpoena her records, but wife still filed complaint. Weird! I didn't want to do the same and definately don't feel good about it, but everyone said I have to fight back now. I hate this mess. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

AA,

Yes, I was upset that she wasn't home at 3am. I was thinking of daughter at sitters all night too. What type of person has my W become?

So...you are avoiding the question....what did you DO? What did you say to her? Did you make her feel threatened as she stated you had done in the past? I believe that was the reason that an RO was granted....was it not? You had NO business contacting her about anything...let alone confronting her. You both had a civil tone going between you (regardless of who was initiating contact) but now she has reason to file a complaint if you lapsed into a threatening manner to her again. It doesn't matter that she has contacted you ....you have contacted her in a "threatening" manner. That is where the issue is. You did...didn't you AA?
Redhat, what made her ticked? Everything, but this time I learned she stayed out all night last Saturday night while my daughter was at someones house. I contacted her and I was upset

You went off because she wasn't at home where you thought she should be and your daughter was spending the night at someone's house. Well, you don't get to decide what SHE does and where she goes. Unless you have reason to suspect that your daughter was being mistreated where she was sleeping over you have no say in that either. Where do you get to decide where it is that she should and shouldn't be. Seems to me like this controlling behavior is what got you here in the first place. Am I right?

Did you verbally assault her? Think about it AA....you did wrong...

As Always, JMHO
committed

One More thing...

All she would have to say is that yes, she has been contacting you about "child" related issues. Yes, that she knew that she was not supposed to. But, she thought that with distance between you that she could talk on the phone with you regarding the issues being settled. And, now all of a sudden YOU call her threatening and verbally abusive! Yes, she knew that calling you was wrong but she was calling you about your child and maybe getting the divorce settled and all was ok. But, YOU call her assaulting her because she was out for the evening.

See where I am going with this AA? She can come out of this no worse for wear....you cannot.

committed

<small>[ December 13, 2002, 09:01 AM: Message edited by: committedandlovingit ]</small>

Wrong. I did not verbally assault her. I did not threaten her. I was nice. Yes, I did question where she was. I know I shouldn't have. I was upset that she is never spending time with my daughter. Daughter does not even want to go home to her. Yes I was upset. I think I did have a right to be. Maybe next time I would handle it a little differently, but still she knows what is right and wrong.

After I left a message, I called right back and apologized stating that what she did was her business, but I was concerned about our daughter being shuffled around to everyone. She needs a stable home.

<small>[ December 13, 2002, 09:04 AM: Message edited by: AlanArthur ]</small>

AA,

Surely she must have some kind of substantial proof that you have violated the RO to have filed a complaint...not simply that you have called her.

You two must have some form of communication going on in relation to your child, so phone records are not going to stand up.

Proof of threatening or abusive behavior must be what she has been advised to file the complaint with. Can you dispute her proof?

tagging off <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

AA...

You were UPSET, you admitted it. You called while you were UPSET. I cannot imagine that you were "nice" about it. I can imagine that you were quite UPSET about it and let her know that you were in no uncertain terms. Look at your post.

Yes, I did question where she was

I was upset that she is never spending time with my daughter. Daughter does not even want to go home to her.

Yes I was upset. I think I did have a right to be.

but still she knows what is right and wrong.

But.... I was nice. Yes, I did question where she was.

Yeah?? You were nice? I don't think that it was possible to be nice if you were that UPSET.

She found your behavior threatening...plain and simple. She is the one holding the RO.

JMHO
committed

Al...no offense...but this is not surprising at all. You were told and warned and begged not to break that RO. Posters told you how absolutely important it was to leave your wife alone right now.

Whether you yelled at her or not, she was LOOKING for an excuse to blast off at you again, and you opened the door right up for her with your questions. She KNOWS it gets to you, she KNOWS how to bait you. Whether you were controlling in the past or not, she wants to feel the control right now.

You can't change what happend, and you CAN'T CONTROL what you wife chooses to do with her life, even while daughter drags along with her. If you REALLY want your daughter to have a solid home, then YOU PROVIDE ONE! Fighting with her mom won't help her any. If she's REALLY in danger or being really really neglected...then you need to step in. It sounds to me like you just didn't like her getting out for an evening without you.

I really think you need to back off, leave her alone as much as possible and work on your own issues. When I was seperated from my H I didn't want much to do with him. It took time and space and NO CONFLICTS before I really started to appreciate what he brought to my life, and started to miss him. Why not give your wife that opportunity too???

Your right I got sucked in. I thought since we were talking that everything was fine, but when she gets mad she goes to RO. Well, police officer stated that RO should not be in affect. He saw her phone records and that she had been calling me. Phone calls were not primarily about daughter and does not matter anyway. She IS NOT allowed to call me for 1 minute ABOUT ANYTHING. She is being charged with Aiding and Abetting (by breaking RO because she is one that thought she needed it). Same penalty as breaking RO. They do not like the person getting it (or feeling they need it) contacting the one they got it against. Shows it shoul not be in affect and one can't use it and hide behind it when it suits them. Officer said her and my phone records clearly show there is no fear. County prosecuter said she is issuing warrant for my wife. I hate to do it, but I am not laying down anymore. This doeasn't help either of us or our daughter. Now I am concentrating on my daughter as I should have been the whole time. Yes, I was upset about her not home at 3am, (especially when she's hinting to a possible reconciliation....what a lie)but I told her it wasn't right shuffling daughter around to overnight sitters. I never threatened her.

It will be interesting why she says she called me for 4 hours, 2 hours, 1 hour, 3 hours......she told police she has never contacted me....then when asked again she said she didn't recall.....then again she asked him "What if I have called him a few times?" He stated......"I think you know the answer to that." She sure didn't like turning her phone records over to county attorney. I also have emails she sent me........nothing about daughter. I wish it hadn't gotten to this point. I don't want to see her go to jail, but she thinks she can continue to persecute me.

<small>[ December 13, 2002, 02:33 PM: Message edited by: AlanArthur ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by AlanArthur:
<strong>....I wish it hadn't gotten to this point. I don't want to see her go to jail, ... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well it did and what are you going to do about it is the most important issue right now. I think DA will just give her a choice of dropping RO and let the whole thing go or stubborn about it and facing a minor charge against her. I think she digged herself a hole.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>...but she thinks she can continue to persecute me.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How many times I have told you not to think for her ?. You don't know about her motives, the only thing that you know is that you are feeling being prosecuted. When WS is in the fog, there is no logic to it.

-rh-