Hey STTSI -

Cerri is a smart lady; listen to her!

She trying to work on me too. I can tell you from experience that nearly every case I can think of where we disagree, she turned out to be right, not me.

Having said that, IMHO you should by all means go ahead with the Legal Seperation. But, if Cerri is against it ..... hmmm, I don't know what I'd do. (Actually I do, but then I'm highly judgemental of others, (but not myself!), so my actions would probably be pretty dreadful.)

Lots of luck!

STTSI,

I'm sorry I haven't replied to your posts in a while. I haven't written much lately, as you can see. I thank you for your replies.

I don't have much time right now but will try to get back to you tomorrow.

Be well.

Hi STTSI,

I think it is very clearly worded. I don't know about the legal seperation stuff, so I will refrain from commenting about that. The rest, I think is fine.

What does Cerri think? She is the "Wise One" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Cerri doesn't agree with the separation business. I am trying to find out why and we haven't come to an agreement yet. While I don't like disagreeing with her I feel very strongly about this.

I am trying to reach agreement with her. I am even learning to negotiate with my sage advisor. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks for the input.
STTSI

Just a guess, Cerri might be thinking that your W will see this as threatening and you really do not want to reconcile and are just trying to let her down easy. I understand that a legal separation agreement is just that, a separation agreement. In some situations it is the first step towards divorce, and there is not turning back. I realize that you do not mean it as such.

What about an informal written agreement between you and your W. This way, she will not be threatened by the legality of it. And, I don't know a whole lot of law. If things don't work out, you could present this agreement to your lawyer. Maybe the courts will recognize the un notarized, non legal agreement as an agreement that the two of you worked out together. Then again the courts could throw it out as irrelevant.

P.S.

In away, a informal written agreement would be like a Policy of Joint Agreement in written format.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Sue with hope:
<strong>What about an informal written agreement between you and your W.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I already had one of those with her regarding another issue and she was trying to fight that before. I don't want to go down that road again!

STTSI

I'm out of ideas. Sorry. At the time you tried the agreement, was she still in the deep fog state, and really did not want to get rid of OM. Could that have been a factor?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Sue with hope:
<strong>I'm out of ideas. Sorry. At the time you tried the agreement, was she still in the deep fog state, and really did not want to get rid of OM. Could that have been a factor?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes she was VERY foggy.

I am also looking for book suggestions since we are maybe trying to recover. I have:
HN/HN
SAA
Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders
Getting the Love You Want

What else should I get? I will have lots of time to read while I am gone.

STTSI

I don't know. I hear that Michele Warner Davis is good. (I think that is her name)

I have the two harley books you mentioned plus Fall in Love Stay in Love (I think that is the title).

This really stinks. They say to try and make it work, but don't be too anxious. When/what is too anxious, and when/what is too relaxed.

I also hear Relationship Rescue is good. Dr. Phil Mcgraw (you know Dr. Phil).

I started reading it, and I didn't get to finish it. I liked what I read.

STTSI,

I think you should do the obvious. You should meet with your W, talk with her, listen to what she has to say, see what she has to offer, AND THEN address the issue of what you should do.

You have this backwards if you want to see what is happening. I really have no problem with your separation, or you divorcing her. Frankly, you were hardly married. I, as you can tell, am not a save it at all costs type of person.

But, I hate waste, I hate dumb decisions, and I hate it when people don't get the data they need to make a hard decision when they could easily do so.

You can get a lot more data, by simply talking to your W, seeing your W, listening to your W, than you can speculating with me, Cerri, or anyone else about what she is thinking. You may find she only wants to reconcile on her terms and you don't like the terms. If so why mess around with legal separation? Just divorce her.

Cerri is very skilled but she is more effective when she has more data. Go get the darned data, and then report back to us or Cerri, or both. THEN START formulating your decisions.

IF you really know you don't want her, then why fool around divorce her? You were only really married 1 month, the rest was consumed with her affair. I know you have a longer past, but like the affair that past is PAST. You need to deal with yourself and your WW as you both are NOW.

Do it, quit screwing around with the "should I, shouldn't I?" stuff.

Get the DARNED DATA.

God Bless,

JL

JL, it is funny, I just email Cerri the same question. I think that makes more sense. First see what has changed with her to make her want to try, than and only than can we talk about the terms and see if she agrees to them.

If she doesn't agree than as I see it, there is no marriage to recoincile.

Thanks for confirming my thoughts.

STTSI

I am going to meet with my WW.

Give you an update later.

STTSI

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Still Trying To Save It:
<strong>I am going to meet with my WW.

Give you an update later.

STTSI</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hope everything went well.

Thinking about you.

I would like to thank all of you for your help with my situation. It no longer is safe for me to post my heart here. JL, Kily and others I would love your continued support but I need to take it off the boards.

My email is sttsi2003@yahoo.com

I will continue to follow all of my friends that I have made here and will chime in on occasion. If I don't I will go through MB withdrawl.

Thanks again
STTSI

<small>[ March 16, 2003, 10:13 AM: Message edited by: Still Trying To Save It ]</small>

Wanted to wish you luck STTSI. I think you are handling things very well. It's every bit as hard to try and work things out as it is to just let it go and get on with your life in the short term. In the long term though I think doing everything you can to try and work things out the right way is the only way to go. I would be willing to bet that the majority of people who quickly get a divorce after infidelity wonder long afterwards about what might have been even if they end up with a good life afterwards. JMHO.

Thumbs up/down? Hopefully we will catch up later.

-Luki

Sorry I have been off line for a while.

Thumbs up. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

We are going to try but I can't get the images out of my head. So far everything has been great. I am the one holding back on things because I am still unsure in my heart if this is right.

STTSI

<small>[ March 20, 2003, 07:34 PM: Message edited by: Still Trying To Save It ]</small>

Hi STTSI,

It takes time. You cannot force or rush it. It would be great if it could be like it was when you two first started dating. Full of excitement and new experiences.

Take your time to work on rebuilding and rebuilding trust.

Good luck to you and Mrs STTSI.