Does ANYONE have any thoughts, suggestions, or encouragement to offer about the hideous, horrific mental images that run through my head? The images are of course of my husband and ow. They are very graphic and literally stop me in my tracks and make me sick to my stomach. I am having a hard time believing there is any hope for my sanity if these images continue to play over and over.

Also, where can I get an explanation of the codes used on this site? I can figure some out, but not all.

Dear CKD:
Welcome to MB (Marriage Builders). I know there is a place somewhere that tells what all the initials stand for. I've been there before but I couldn't find it when I went to tell you exactly where to go to find it.
BS - Betrayed Spouse
WS - Wayward Spouse
OW - Other woman
M - Marriage
MB - Marriage Builders
FOW - adding the F means "former"
R - Relationship
DS - Darling Son
DD - Darling Daughter
FIL - father in law
SIL - sister in law
MIL - mother in law

These should get you going.

You really need to read all the articles on the website. The book Surviving an Affair (SAA) is a good one to help you. You can buy it on this website or at other online stores. I am in the middle of reading Torn Asunder (TA) by Dave Carder and I would recommend that book as well.

You need to go edit your signature line so that we know if you are the wife or husband, how long the A (affair) lasted (ea - emotional affair, pa - physical affair), when your dday (discovery day) was and any other information you feel is pertinent. It will help us all to give you advice.

Are the images real or imagined? Did your WH give you the details or are you just using your vivid imagination?

I believe the truth is sometimes easier than your imagination. The pictures will fade over time.

Please read, read, read and post too. It is so helpful and therapeutic. There's lots of great advice here.

You are not alone,
DB

How long have you known about the A?

A= affair
d-day = discovery day

Mental images get gradually better. It is part of processing the A.

Give us some more details, length of your M (marriage), length of the A, id you have kids, the sort of M you had pre-A.... anything else that will allow us to see you and your situation more clearly

Ok - profile changed - wow, looking at it in writing is pretty scary.

The images are real (that is, I have details as given by ws)...ws has answered every question that I have asked. He does not volunteer details he thinks will be painful, but if I ask, he will provide whatever details I am requesting.

It sounds like only time will fade the images. They were actually gone for a while, but have recently shown back up in my head full force.

Hi CKD,

The mental movies and images will fade as you process the A.

If you haven't done so, find a good pro-marriage marriage counselor (MC) and start going. Our MC gave us Torn Asunder to read together and it really helped my FWW and I.

Semper Fi,
RIF90

This is what helped me:

Whenever I was rewinding the awful video in my head of them together, I would inform my H that I was in trouble with painful thoughts... (H was very remorseful from the beginning)... I would ask him to hold me. I would cry, moan, rock back and forth ... just like a baby! He held me, and we got through it together. I told him, "You brought me to this dance, now you have to dance with me."

It brought us together.

You can look at two ways. You know all the details which, in my book, gives you all the power.

I have asked for details, want them. My FWH, says it's too painful, makes him embarrassed, feel stupid, etc. to dredge it all up. I, possessing a fine vivid imagination, have asked him some scenarios that I have envisioned and he told me I was all wrong that those didn't happen. But he doesn't really remember all of the details.

Oh, well. Besides that, everything is going great now.

Another abbrev you might need is NC - no contact. And one you should live by!!!
DB