We finally went back to church this morning and I was really looking forward to it. We planned on taking the kids out to eat afterwards and had a good plan. Well as luck would have it being Valentine's weekend the sermon was all about the covenant between a husband and a wife. They handed out cards to all the married couples then asked them all to come up front to renew their vows to each other. As everyone started getting up I turned to my WW and said I know this is a bit much we don't need to do this. But she was already up with tears in her eyes and headed for the door. I got the rest of the kids together and went out in the lobby. We waited for her to get our little one out of the daycare and went out to breakfast like we had planned. I kept things light and upbeat the rest of the day but she ended up leaving pretty early. What bad timing! I didn't bring it up again but thought the need to say something about it to her. Should I say something or just let it go?

You may want to ask if she would care to share her feelings with you. If she prefers not to, you really can't force her. You may wish to say that you love her no matter what she says, and her sharing would make you feel closer together. Beyond that, I wouldn't push too much, as that is certainly an LB.

Good luck and God Bless!

OUCHIE! You go through all the plans and expections of having a really nice time...and then what an unwanted surprise. I'm sure this made you just as uncomfortable as it did your W.

I would think I'd let this one alone, unless she brings it up. This was something that neither one of you had any control over. IF she brings it up, do NOT say you're sorry...you didn't do anything...but you can validate her feelings of feeling pressure even if the pressure wasn't from you. You can say you're sorry that she was upset.

Sounds like you did the best you could after church with the breakfast! Good for you!

Good Luck!

wifey:

Don't mean to hijack this thread, but I posted something to you a few days ago, and was curious as to your perception on it. It's Just a Wifey Question in the General Questions forum.

Thanks!

Take care and God Bless!

With going through counseling, I would express to your wife that you are willing to listen to anything she has to say. And say is there anything you would like to talk about. Show compassion, and empathy. Don't try to apologize, don't try to troubleshoot. Listen and empathize. This is what a woman needs the most, listening and empathizing. Maybe you could invite her to sit on the couch next to you. Hold her hand, or if possible, put your arm around her shoulder. Don't know how close of contact you feel comfortable.

Obviously, the message of love with the pastor, struck her heart deeply. She seems to need to express herself, and this would be a great release for her, and for you to be there for her.

Just my thought. But that is one thing I am learning in group therapy. How to listen, and how to really open your ears and hear everyword spoken. I am learning. And this might be listening 101 for you. Good luck.

I would like to ask what in the heck the minister was thinking by handing out cards to all married couples and inviting them up to renew their vows?

This was a very insensitive thing to do in a public setting knowing the statistics of infidelity in Christian marriages! While I understand that the church was trying to do something to strengthen marriages, it was totally inappropriate to put people on the spot. I would have done the same thing that your wife did and I feel so bad for your whole family. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Renewing vows is a very personal issue and one that many here on the board have dealt with. Some feel the need, some feel pushed to do so, overall, it is certainly not something that should be done at the spur of the moment or just because everyone else is doing it!

OK, enough of my rant. I would suggest that you contact your minister and tell him about your situation yesterday and how hurtful it was to your family. He needs to be discouraged from doing that again.

Prayers to you, Ladysing

Ladysing .... I totally agree!

The minister's public display of renewing vows on Valentine's Day was "show business"....

People struggling with their vows will be either publically humiliated, or forced to act phoney.

Ouch!

Starman .... perhaps you can share with your W that the minister's idea was not well thought out. And, you may want to ask the minister why he did that, and if he realized that it might adversely affect some members.

ladysing:

Wow! You know? Most people wouldn't have been able to verbalize that, but I bet a lot of them were feeling uncomfortable while it was going on.

-Qfwfq

Starman,
How is your W today? I hope you have had a chance to talk to her. It was so unfortunate that a family trip to church and out to eat turned into a trigger, church has a way of doing that sometimes! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

You were trying to do the right thing by going as a family, your W was justified in her feelings, neither of you did anything wrong.

As others have stated, the public vow thing was a bad idea. I really do hope that you have a chance to talk to your minister, I bet there were a lot of other couples that were uncomfortable with it too.

Continued prayers, Ladysing