How many of the BS found out about the affair by E-mails? I would have never know if if didn't walk in the room when he was e-mailing her? Just wondering...Linda

LM:

Probably a lot of people did.

I found out by accident. Our ISP at the time used a software package for emails that allowed each of us to view the others' emails without knowing their passwords. My W, me, and my D had accounts.

I trusted my W so much that, even when things weren't going well between us, I wished so hard that she'd solve her problems herself and believed so much that she'd never have an A, that I never even considered looking in her emails.

Then, in January last year I got a message from our ISP saying we were full and needed to delete files. So, I went to the "sent mail" folder and started looking at messages that I had sent for content to see if they were something I could throw away. Well, when I opened the message to view it, then hit "delete" when I was ready to toss it, the next message in line opened automatically. It was an exchange between my W and her OM about plans for a possible hotel rendezvous. It included some pretty explicit sexual wording, so it was pretty clear what had been going on. I was literally a basket case for a LONG time after that, but I'm recovering, even if our M doesn't.

I hope you are doing okay,
-Qfwfq

I saw the changes in my WW as soon as the A started. I asked her if she had feelings for OM and she kept saying NO.

It was when I found emails between them that I finally had the proof I needed. Even after I had the emails, she still denied it until I started quoting things from them.

STTSI

Qfwfq- I love that Gordon Lightfoot song!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

STTSI:

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I should add that my W denied it too. It took me a few days, but I snooped on her computer, found more, and then confronted her with that. She was very angry. But they all do that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

&hearts,
-Qfwfq

It was the worst moment in my life. I felt a kind of electric bolt..running down my body.I had no clue, he was so sweet to me,home on time.Still not over the shock.

I caught my DH via email. And he denied it and asked for proof. I told him I didn't need to "prove" something that both he and I knew so don't even bother trying to deny it. However, I didn't care if he admitted it or not, I just wanted him to hit the road and move on.

We have a printer..so I did print the e-mails I found.

Linda- I know what you mean about the shock. I just sat there and my whole body shook uncontrollably and I cried. Even though my W has filed and I don't want her back anymore, I still feel the shock and the loss of our M.

Qfwfq and MelodyLane- It is sad that they feel we have to prove something that they already know to be true. My W told me that she told her mom and they decided it was best to never tell me about the A. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I wil never understand the line of thinking for WS's.

STTSI

At MB people do understand.The affair was on going when I found out,he said (H) that it would have ended eventually....lucky me.I think he thought this would make me feel better.

In my case I caught my FWW on the phone with OM calling him "Baby" and calling me an a$$hol$ to him when she thought I was asleep before dawn on D-Day. When I burst in the computer room she immediately hung up and told me they were just friends until I found some sexually explicit emails. Then she couldn't deny it any longer and began to come clean (it took a few weeks). Very hurtful indeed. I know what you are going through, the shock of it all. You are not alone here at MB...

This just "friends" my H said that often.He said it was just fine to have friends at work.But I said a friend of yours should be a friend of mine.

I didn't find out about it through email, but I did find out that it was still going on that way. I can still remember that sick feeling I got reading the tag line "Love Ya Bunches."

How about Love you much,want you much!!

Or:

"You know what I would give to be your companion, but you haven't taken me up on that offer"

This said 6 months AFTER she "ended" the A. She told me she was just "being honest." Then she got VERY angry with me for intercepting the message, which was sent on MY birthday.

I'm at a point now where, if she decides she wants to keep RM as a friend, then I'll be happy for her. But I won't stay M'd to her. ...and we've been M'd 27 years (RM was 10 whe we got M'd).

&hearts,
-Qfwfq

What is a RM? And has she left you? I know the pain.Married 24 years...

How about the line:
Sex on a Back Country Road

This after he DENIED PA of any kind.

I found out about EA snooping on email and found out the rest after I wasn't satisfied with the answers (read: lies) that he was dishing me.

Good question though, why DO we have to prove to them what they know all along. Kinda stupid when you look at it that way.

DB

I caught him e-mailing he didn't hear me walk in the room..he thought I was in the bathtub. I knew very little about computers,but found his e-mails to her.I was not looking for it,I walked in to it.

LM:

Oops, sorry. RM is short for "Rat Meat" - my nickname for the OM.

And, no, my W has never left me (though their only "complete" PA this second time around during their 12 year A was while she was out of state going over her grandmother's effects after she passed away - he apparently drove about 300 miles to meet her). She's a classical fence-sitter, cake eater. She truly believed that she was entitled to a polygamous lifestyle. Possibly still does, though she understands better when I tell her that "you can't diminish people like that, it's cruel".

&hearts,
-Qfwfq

emails ratted out my wife too.but i only saw the ones he sent to her.they where very short and sweet."i love you too,miss you too."when i confronted her she said it was some guy the was bothering her and she's tryed to get rid of him.

i actually bought that excuse.

later that night it hit me.he said "i love you too"he was saying it back to her,that means she said it first.then it all came out.if i had not printed those emails i may have not caught it when i did.she deleted all just after the questioning.

just how gullable do they think we are?