I am still around. I have been deployed for a few weeks and had to come home early due to STBX mental melt down.
I get a call from W telling me she is haveing a hard time and needs me to come home and help with the kids. the next day I call to see how she is doing and find out she checked herself into a clinc. Thats good right? Well they recommended she stay for 3 days but she couldn't stand it there and checked herself out. One of her "friends" was there to help. she is better know around here as the devil herself.
I want to be here for her and help, but she is having this break down because her BF broke up with her. She is calling, visiting and writting letters to him telling him it will work oout and they can be happy. So she wants to tell me all her problems, but I get so pissed off that she wants to talk to me about it after what she has done to me. It is just bringing all those emotions that I had gone through back. I want to curl up in a ball again and just hide. I want to yell and scream at her for being so stupid. She is so pathetic and she knows it she just can't help herself. She is going to counceling and is on meds now. Atleast she is feeling better, but still plying the idiot that she is.
I need to get away from her and keep away, but I can't help but want to help her, be there for her.
Why am I being such an idiot? I should be away, far away from her and moving on... I hate her! I hate him! I can't stand it any more!!!

cd,

one word ... LOVE. The most tragic thing in M is when A is ended, BS won't want WS no more. You still love her and this is the time for you to have straight talk with her.

I would use spill your heart out ... just let her know how you feel ... no LB'ed ... only info. on how you feel ... not asking her doing anything. At the end ask her what if she is on your shoes ?. Tell her you still love her and with a lot of work this M could be repaired and be better if and only if she is willing. Many has traveled this road and many survived and enjoyed the fullfiling M. If she respond to you, give her SAA and HNHN and point her to this web site.

Good luck and my God opens her heart and mind to see what lies ahead of her isn't pretty.

-rh-

CD:

redhat hit it right on!!!

I realize it's the weekend, but I'm surprised nobody else has responded to you. I want you to know that I care, as do many others.

Your "sitch" is very typical of an A. Your W is just about ready to come out of the fog, if you apply MB principles right. You can DO THIS!

I believe you love your W. What you do now will make all the difference in the world to her later. By trying your best to help her recover, you will SHINE as the best possible companion. She's not "gone", CD, she's just extremely confused right now.

I will post more tomorrow from work.

♥Qfwfq

CD-

I have so many things I want to say, but can't seem to get the words down on paper.

Please don't judge yourself. You're human and as others here have written, you still love your wife. We all get to the point that you are at. I promise that it will look better in a few weeks.

This occurance can be a blessing in disguise for your marriage, but at this moment YOU need to decide if you are willing to move forward with your wife, or if you want to let go. Truthfully, she is now in withdrawl. It is painful for you to see this because she is in oain and there is nothing any one can do to help her. Her addiction is overpowering her and the "fix" has been obliterated from her life.

If you truly want this, you need to PLAN-A more now than ever. If she is turning to you, she is providing you with the chance of meeting her EN's. Right now she is in a critical place becauyse she is vulnerable and looking for a safe harbor. Her demons are chasing her and she will either turn and face them (ideally) or run away to something else - drugs, relationship with new OM, alcohol, etc. Wouldn't it be nice if she turned to you and you could stand by her while she faces those demons? Your bond will be enhanced a milliom times if thtis happened.

It's hard for you to see this because you are in your own pain, but try and step back from that and look at this from an MB point of view.

There are others here that are feeling exactly what you are. I hope that they can express thet things that I am trying to in a better way.

My prayers to you during this VERY difficult period in your life....

With much love

We have discussed the addiction thing before. Kily is right, she is finally in withdrawl. Some break the habbit, some continue to use.

I am glad you are helping her. It shows what kind of person you are. She will see it too, I hope now.

You still have choices. You can leave if you want to leave, and you know that. You are in a better spot than you have been in quite some time. Live by what you believe and help her while she needs help. You can always walk away if you need to protect your feelings.

Sorry for your pain. Still believe you will be OK.

SS

Thanks for all the kind words.

I think I need to move on, I feel bad but I don't think I can get over the pain of seeing her choose someone else after all I have done for her. what makes it the hardest is that she does not see the things I do and I can't stop doing them for her. I tried yesterday. My B-day is this week end and I am not going anywhere, but do have plans. She had made plans to go out of town with some friends. She was thinking I was taking the kids to visit family, but I am not. So she wanted to go out of town because she will be working alot and won't be able to go anywhere for a long time. I told her I wouldn't take the kids because I had then last weekend and have plans this weekend. All he!! broke loose and she was mad as could be. We went at it for a bit then I realized I didn't want our relation ship to end up like this so I calmed down and asked her to do the same so we could see if we could work through it.
I gave in and said I would help with the klids this weekend but she had to find sitters for the times I was busy.
I still love her! But I can not go on like this. I am going nuts. I get mad and upset if I even think shes talking to OM. They seem to be talking again, I guess. It is driving me nuts. But she hasn't taken the rest of the papers in yet, so I am going to do it. I need to move on, I feel like I need someone to want me. someone who wants to be with me, and needs me. the W is addicted to this OM, thats what her doc. told her.
I don't know, I just feel it needs to end and see what happens in the next chapter.
Thanks again.
CD

CD:

Glad you came back. But put your helmet on, I'm gonna hit you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

" think I need to move on, I feel bad but I don't think I can get over the pain of seeing her choose someone else after all I have done for her."

This is a typical reaction. I still feel this way many times. But what would I accomplish by quitting now? It's like quitting in the middle of taking flying lessons. I can't very well expect to be able to go out and fly a plane if I haven't gotten cirtified, can I? Similarly, you can't expect to avoid the problems that hit you in THIS M in the NEXT one, if you quit before you've figured out what they were and how you played a part in them, and then taken steps to fix them, can you?

"what makes it the hardest is that she does not see the things I do and I can't stop doing them for her."

This warms my heart to hear you say that you can't stop doing things for her. YOu love her, you big lug! She's just beginning withdrawl from her addiction. She needs your support to help her through this more than ever. Don't give up now.

"I gave in and said I would help with the klids this weekend but she had to find sitters for the times I was busy."

Placating her because she gets angry isn't doing her any favors, CD. I know it's hard to see her react like that, but she's got to take some responsibility sometime.

"I still love her!"

Good!

"But I can not go on like this."

Don't!

"I am going nuts. I get mad and upset if I even think shes talking to OM. They seem to be talking again, I guess. It is driving me nuts."

There's nothing you can do about this. Try to stop dwelling on it.

"But she hasn't taken the rest of the papers in yet, so I am going to do it."

Why? Why not leave that up to her? It's a great way to find out if she really wants a DV or not.

"I need to move on, I feel like I need someone to want me. someone who wants to be with me, and needs me. the W is addicted to this OM, thats what her doc. told her.
I don't know, I just feel it needs to end and see what happens in the next chapter."

Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. But you haven't finished flight school yet, CD. Go back and finish your training. Let your W do whatever it is she needs to do, including crashing and leaving a smoking hole in the ground, if that's what she needs.

regards,
♥Qfwfq

CD-

I wish I coud offer some sage words, but I don't have any that apply here. I agree with ole 2long that right now you are reacting from your emotions. ife decisions should not be made from this place. LEt your emotions course through you and then readdress this when you aren't feeling the triggers.

We love you and support you no matter what your choices are. Please, for your children's sake, give it a little time before you shut her out completely....

I will pray for you.

Hi CD,
do you feel sane or insane today?

I just feel lost!!

This is probably the hardest thing I have to do, but I have taken time to think about it and I don't like how I have been treated. Not only the A thing, but I just feel taken for granted. Nothing I have ever done was good enough for her. But I can't help the feelings of love I have for her.
Well, the papers are in and now I just wait for the final call. She seem sad by the D but NEVER has suggested anything else. I don't want to play anymore! Maybe this makes me weak and selfish... I don't know. Its hard to think about, but I will not sit around here and wait for her to stop playing the good life. The fence is coming down and she is going to fall hard.
I am moved out and setting up my own place, although I still spend time at her place for one reason or the other.
I am taking two weeks off and taking the kids to see family. By the time I return I will be Ded.
So I guess I ejected in the middle of my inflight lesson. I hope the shute opens.
CD

CD:

Well, just keep coming here, okay? You maybe just need some time right now. Her too.

-Qfwfq

I don't think you are weak or selfish.

I think you are far stronger than many. Remember that we see the ones here that want to try, the other large group that quit right away never come here. I feel like you are above average.

Let us know how you are doing, we care about you and how you feel.

SS

CD:

How are you doing?

-QFwfq

CD - dont give up too quickly and give it a chance.

My W has no contact now with the OM, so we are not quite in the same boat, however you need to give your W time to stop seeing her OM and come back to you because she wants to .... and if you stay cool she will see you again as her love and will want to.

I have ranted, raved and threatened and it did no good whatsoever to our marriage.

Just back off, cool down and seriously consider the possible good life which lies ahead for both of you.

I am alone for a few weeks whilst my W visits her family for some space - ,000's of miles away from the OM, although I see him regularly around the area.

I am now experiencing life without her and cannot bear it. It is so lonely and I dont know what I would do if she changed her mind and stayed back home.

It is hard but I want it to work and am going to cut out the love busters (and the drink which tends to bring them on) when she gets back.

I loved her before and still love her now. She made some huge mistakes but we both deserve a chance.

Hey CD??

SS:

When I bumped this thread the other day, I saw that CD had just been on GQII. I was hoping he'd see it before he logged off and reply, but he must have logged off.

-Qfwfq