I found out today that H resumed A with OW#2. i am crying.

His fog is now explained...it all makes sense.

I wish he was dead...I really do. Our M is over, and it would be better if the kids never thought he had intentionally abandonned them...like this.

My gut instinct about plan B was right, I just did not realize how right.

The ol' cell phone bill snooping was all it took. treachery...that dates way back...from the looks of the bill.

My life is pathetic. This is the last time this ever happens to me.

I am in a really bad way tonight mb'ers...please say a prayer for me.

I love my kids so much, and cannot let yet another drama caused by H take away from them and my mothering of them. ALso, I cannot let this set me back in my quest to save Eleanor...oohhh this is hard.

100% investement in me and kids, 0% for H and R. That's it. I'm done.

I had hope mb'ers, that's the worst of it. Hope will kill you every time.

Lisa: you were right. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

thank you all for all your replies. I really don't belong here anymore...I have tried everything, but nothing works. It's over. No marriage to "build". Just Eleanor to rehabilitate. not up to job tonight though...too sad.

Eleanor,

Now you might not believe this but I know exactly how you are feeling and you know what??? This pain also will pass. It

It will not go away right now but it will pass. Your new d/d will hurt even more but your recovery followed by a 'stronger' plan of action and setting boundaries will happen even sooner.

When you are strong enough to indulge me, can you give a brief background?

Don't leave now. U need MB more than ever, ok???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks and hugz,
L.

I'm so sorry! I know how being hopeful and shot down hurts!

I find that when I'm at my lowest a simple hug from one of my babies (4, 8 and 15) makes it all better, i guess in their own way they fix OUR booboos too.

Concentrate on those kids, starting your life up again and moving on. And remember even when you've decided to move on take it one day at a time, be patient with your self. Don't expect the emotions to subside overnight. Baby steps.

Don't leave MB, keep posting. You can vent and find comfort.

Don't leave us, we are here for you! And as you get stronger you can provide hope for others.

Not all of us will be successful in saving our marriages, but all of us have to be successful in finding hapiness again!

So go get your hugs from your babies right now and know that it does get better! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Eleanor,

Are you here? Right now are you here?

yes h2y i am

Eleanor,

U up to responding here? I know you are quite sad but each of us have different things we do when we get sad or mad. What do you do?

me? I clean. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

i am crying my eyes out right now...huge sobs...

Ok El,

Here goes.... a dose of MB... big shot of it right across your chest.... U ready?

Take care right arm and put it over your left shoulder, then your left arm over your right shoulder..... squeeze both shoulders. ..... don't laugh (not yet). Squeeze your shoulders again, real tight... relax and breathe.

What you just felt was a cyber hug from all of here at MB. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Is that gonna make you cry again? It might but what kind of tears?

Hugz,
L.

you people are so nice, and i feel so alone. it's making me feel a tiny bit less alone.

i feel like my life has been wasted, and i blame him, but i blame myself for wasting the last few years, and giving h so many chance....to cheat on me again.

i want nothing to do with him,

would it be unthinkable to not see him, not even for the kids for 3 months? i want to forget him and what he looks like

i want a total break from h

Eleanor,
I am thinking of you and praying for you. When my ex-WH kept haunting me with several d-days, renewed contacts, til it spiraled out of control and she got pregnant, I remember the torture I felt....it was absolutely horrible. Please remember- I know you may not want to hear this right now, but hope does not kill you, hope is still alive and well and in time, you WILL feel stronger and tougher. I remember sobbing so much I didn't know how I was going to make it through the next hour, much less the future. You WILL though. I don't know if you are a Christian but Jeremiah 29:11 promises us that God knows the plans HE has for us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us HOPE and a FUTURE. He is with you- He feels the hurt that you feel.
I also found Isaiah 43:2-4 at one of my lowest times- When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. And through the rivers, they will not overflow you, when you walk through the fire you will NOT be scorched, nor will the flame burn you....for I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of ISrael, your Saviour......you are precious in my sight and I love you!!! That is God's love note to me, and to all of us......Eleanor, you deserve so much ....please don't ever shortchange your value because of what someone else does.
Thinking of you....
Adgirl

orchid, you are nice

thanks for the cyber hug...it made me cry...but a "being hugged" kind of cry

adgirl48

your bible quotes made me feel better, thank you thank you. i am catholic, non-practicing, but those words, and remebering that I am loved...wash over me in a good way.

may this be the last "dark valley" for me for awhile

Sorry E, I had to make dinner. I want you to do something.. hopefully its a nice star light night.. full moon and all where you are at.

I want you to go outside on your stoop and take a look at the vastnest of the sky and I want you to look at all the faces in the stars of all the people like you, who have been right where you are right now.

I want you to breathe deeply and I want you to lean back and relax. Don't think about your Husband, think about you and the kids. Let the tranquility of the night take your pain away.

I want you to pick the brightest star out of the night and I want you to know that there are other people looking at it at the same time wondering in its existence. I want you to know that I'm going to be searching for your face in that star and I want you to feel the comfort of knowing that I and many others are right here for you, looking up at that same beacon of hope, that ray of light, sharing peace with you.

Eleanor? Can you do that for me? If orchid is still here.. I know she'll be right out there on her stoop looking back at you, with me. Its 9:45p here in Texas. I'll be looking for you, 1000p central time.

Originally posted by Eleanor:
you people are so nice, and i feel so alone. it's making me feel a tiny bit less alone.

Orchid: Ok, but did you do the cyber hug yet? I am not kidding..... You'd have to know me for a while Eleanor.... Just ask H2Y..... when I was down and out (I think worse than U - OW claimed prego 3 xs), H2Y gently took me by the hand here @ MB and we (all @ MB) went on a quiet serene tropical beach picnic. You'd think I really drank those maitai's he described!!! LOL!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I needed that refresher to refocus. You will also.

i feel like my life has been wasted, and i blame him, but i blame myself for wasting the last few years, and giving h so many chance....to cheat on me again.

Orchid: Yep, I felt the same but you know what? Blaming him helped a bit. Recognizing where and what I needed to work on, also helped. What did it help? My personal recovery but understand this.... the A was your H's doing not yours. Had you known he wanted to do this, you would have been on better guard. Well sometimes we just know get to know these things ahead of time. No more than you know when a thief will rob the bank....your bank.... will you survive? Yes, will it be hard? For a while. But you will survive.

Your life has not been wasted. Write down all you have accomplished that you are proud of. Then ask yourself that question again.... don't leave stuff out now.

i want nothing to do with him,
Orchid: That is understandable. Right now many WS' don't want their BS either. You really should NOT want someone who is intentionally hurting his family. The very ones he should be loving and protecting.

I think it is more of a shock reaction on your part. This too shall pass. Just not right now. So realize this and this will help you from discounting your future.

would it be unthinkable to not see him, not even for the kids for 3 months? i want to forget him and what he looks like

Orchid: No, that is your choice. There is no right or wrong here. Just want you can handle. The hard part is realizing that he has and will make choices that are not safe, healthy or happy for his family, maybe not even himself but you may not too much control over that and you need to realize that so you don't expend your precious energy on wasted efforts. In time he will see what he is loosing.

His not seeing you or the children again is his choice. He may choose to do so, then the consequences will be his. My son told me (he was 6 at the time that his dad was gone and so could I please get him another dad because every child needs a father. Imagine that? I made sure his dad heard those comments. Even though the WS was in the fog he did hear it and it kept playing back in his mind even when he was away from us. So much so that OW got mad and kept trying to convince him that children without dads are ok, in fact she thought it would be better for our son to NOT have a dad. Talk about bad association. Even the foghead WS could see through that line of cr@p!!!

i want a total break from h
Orchid: You will be able to but probably not right now so don't try. Cry as you need and then rest. Eat if you can or at least drink healthy drinks. Visit your doctor if you need anti-dep meds and get a physical (yes again). Get counseling with your MC or setup a phone counseling session with Steve or Jennifer.

take care,
L.

<small>[ May 14, 2003, 09:52 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Orchid: That is understandable. Right now many WS' don't want their BS either. You really should want someone who is intentionally hurting his family. The very ones he should be loving and protecting

Orchid,
We should NOT want someone who is intentionally hurting his family!! Just didn't want Eleanor to think you had flipped out or something.!!
Trying to add a little humor to a sad time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Ok H2Y,

U know I am in CA..... no stars visible in the next 12 minutes!!! But know that I will be out there checking it out 10pm PST! Need to watch Dr Phil and the news 1st. Let's just say it will take that long for your thoughts to hit this 'ol gal's site! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I appreciate your request to El..... reminds me of that beach picnic. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Much aloha,
L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by adgirl48:
<strong>Orchid: That is understandable. Right now many WS' don't want their BS either. You really should want someone who is intentionally hurting his family. The very ones he should be loving and protecting

Orchid,
We should NOT want someone who is intentionally hurting his family!! Just didn't want Eleanor to think you had flipped out or something.!!
Trying to add a little humor to a sad time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey adgirl,

U mean people actually read my posts and think about them??? Just kidding.

Thanks for catching that major thought phopa (sp???) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I fixed it.

L.

O,

NOT another trip the the islands!!!? hehe You know I'd take ya there, over and over again. Ya.. while you were slamming those maitai's, I was sucking down those imported corona's <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Nothing like roasted pig and an ice cold Corona.

Okay I got a date with E .. gotta run outside.. hehe I'll be out there alot longer than you E, so you can come back in when your comfortable. But I'll toast one to you from the hot tub, k?

Hey adgirl,

U mean people actually read my posts and think about them??? Just kidding.

Orchid,
don't you know, I am the MB police who tracks down people's messages, making sure they don't send wrong subliminal messages!! LOL!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Eleanor,
I hope we are cheering you up!!!! Here is one more thing- I had a friend that I met during this mess of my marriage send me a note, and in it she said "I guess your poopy husband was good for something- I got to meet you!" So now whenever I feel down, I think Oh well, he is just a poopy husband!!!! hahahahaha.

Ok E,

U hear that? U have a date to meet H2Y out under those twinkling Texas stars where they are big and bright.... I think the song is: Deep in the heart of Texas.... Oops off key again. Better go back to fixin' dinner and get ready to see Dr Phil!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Catcha star gazers laters!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Better watch out us MBer's like to joke around periodically..... we hear it is good for our soul! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

L.

Hey adgirl,

U joinin' this star gazing party too???? Not sure what part of the continent you hail from but let us know what the sky looks like from wherz you arez!!! he he he <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

L.