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Feeling ashamed and stupid
#1073315 05/15/03 03:44 PM
Joined: May 2003
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WaterSpirit Offline OP
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Right now I am feeling ashamed and stupid for even considering taking my H back. I have a 6 yo son from first marriage that this would devistate becaushe he has been his dad for 4 years and I would have to move all the way back to the other side of the US to my famiily for help and I really love this man I think and still want him to hold and touch me and he is begging me not to leave and says he is sorry over and over and I just feel stupid and ashamed and my family knows about the A, my neighbors are the one that ratted him out so they know.
Re: Feeling ashamed and stupid
#1073316 05/15/03 07:54 PM
Joined: Jan 2001
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Orchid Offline
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Why do you feel ashamed and stupid? Is he still playing you for a fool? Or is he willing to do real work towards recovery?

Believe it or not, most who know of your situation may have already dealt with similar scenarios (just different players). So this is not a shocker (just shocked that it has happened to your famly). So your support group may be more ready to help you than you realize.

Do you and your H have a good MC? Or are you 2 willing to chat with Steve or Jennifer? Have you read surviving an affair or taken the 'emotional needs questionnaire'?

L.

<small>[ May 15, 2003, 07:54 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>
Re: Feeling ashamed and stupid
#1073317 05/15/03 08:21 PM
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Waterspirit

If your H is willing to work at your marriage and is truly remorseful you are better off than most of us here!

Remember you are the one that has to live with your decision not your family, not your neighbor.

It hurts and will hurt for a while but you can overcome the pain if he is willing to work with you!

Think about what is right for you! And your son!
Re: Feeling ashamed and stupid
#1073318 05/16/03 08:39 AM
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WaterSpirit Offline OP
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I think he is remorseful and wants to make things work he said, he said it seems we are both trying but at different times and wants to work on it together both of us at the same time. He has an appointment next week with a counselor and no I haven't talked to a counselor but would like to it is just right now funds are pretty much non existant. He said he would be willing to go to a MC also. I just dont want to put myself out there for the pain again I already feel like no matter how hard I try I will never be good enough for him and then he gets all depressed and I feel guilty but I shouldn't feel guilty for him being depressed because I cant just run back into his arms like nothing is wrong.
Re: Feeling ashamed and stupid
#1073319 05/16/03 09:30 AM
Joined: Apr 2002
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WaterSpirit

Even though it has been 14 mos since D-Day for me, the issues you bring up here still haunt me.
Please read my short post and Star*Fish's responses. It really helped me regain my perspective and get me back on a steady footing again. My heart goes out to you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=8;t=015694
Re: Feeling ashamed and stupid
#1073320 05/16/03 02:49 PM
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WaterSpririt, never feel ashamed about what people know. Believe it or not, when you go through something like this, people tend to come out of the woodwork with their own horror stories. It is just that, people generally (especially if they work it out), don't go around broadcasting to everyone about their own indiscretions. Hold you head up high....if he is willing to work it out, you are blessed, as many of us are not in that position at the moment. Discovering of an A will uncover many emotions and a great deal of turmoil that you could never imagine, but one thing is so sure, being ashamed shouldn't be one of them. I know, from experience, that keeping your head down (and I was the BS) does not help any.....you need to make decisions, but not hasty ones.
Re: Feeling ashamed and stupid
#1073321 05/16/03 03:22 PM
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WaterSpirit Offline OP
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I just dont know what I feel but I do know that I dont want to be hurt again and make my friends and family disappointed in my decision ya know. And I want to be with him but then all these thoughts race through my head and I talk to him about it it is like he kind of gets irritated and tells me he knows there is nothing he can ever do to make up for what he did. But I kind of feel if I take him back I am condoning his actions for him to do it again.

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