I don't know about the rest of you.. but I'm so very tired of being alone.

Sleeping alone
Relaxing alone
Walking alone
Eating alone
Showering alone
Waking alone
Excercising alone
Playing alone
Dancing alone
Praying alone
Drinking alone

Yes I have friends, yes I have the boys, yes I have my family, but I don't have companionship, affection, acknowledgement, sexual fulfillment, anyone to kiss, hold, or gaze into their eyes. I don't have anyone's hand to hold, and no one to slap me on the [censored] cause they think its cute. I am so damn lonely.

WHAT can I do to fill these empty spots?

Hello ole Friend,

Not much I can say really. Just try to occupy your time with whatever calms you.

I find that online gaming helps during my down days. Course this won't work for everyone. But it helps me.

Didn't you use to be a gamer?

jd

Tibia.com

Hello H2Y, I'm still trying to figure it out myself. Can't wait to hear suggestions.

Good thread because, despite being busy with my friends and D, it still feels very lonely. Your post hits home.

Take care.

I hear you H2Y!
I'm so busy most days, it's crazy, going in 3 different directions with the kids & work. So how can I still be lonely?

I took the 2 youngest to the Mall last night just for something to do...and all the couples...they stick out like a neon sign...
I wonder are they happy, is one having an A, could they be in recovery...

Yeah, lonely is the pits. I thought I knew what lonely was, while H was working out of state, but then when he said he wasn't coming back...WHAM, that's LONELY!

No one to care how your day went, to care about your health, your future, to laugh with, to make coffee for, to watch with pride your S's ballgames...everything...

I do think of the times when H was still home and I still felt lonely...in hindsight maybe he was already gone..If we get another chance I'm going to make sure that we're not disengaged from each other like that and that I don't depend entirely on him for my happiness. That is what I'm learning how to do now and that is a good thing.

Hi guys,

I can relate. When I busy myself and forget about all this for a while.... it goes away, the pain of loneliness that is..

It is hard to get rid of this sort of pain, I felt a little better yesterday when I took my son to the movies... sometimes I feel lonely even with friends, because what I want is that special someone with me...

Living in the present is something I am trying to get back to... to quite thinking of the sadness over the past or my sad fears over what may happen.... an eventual d, or continued seperation? I am saddened by wh, but I can focus on all the good I do have, and that which I do have control over.

This am I didn't make church , although I wanted to..... but overworked and tired, so I will make an 11 am alanon- that is wonderful for me.... and my older son and I are going out to breakfast in a few minutes! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I do like having special times with my kids.

I have to focus on what I can control.

I have been reading a book on how to make exchanges with the kids more pleasant/ sharing custody... that is, while in seperation or a divorce...

One idea I want to take on is:

on 3 seperate sheets of paper .... one small, one medium and one quite large... like butcher block paper on the large one... you write...

on the small sheet- those things about your wspouse that you cannot control.

on the medium those kinds of things you might be able to influence.

on the largest the things in your life you do hae control over...

Ok the small sheet, after you fill it with things like.... my wh's drinking, my wh refusal to work harder on reconciling, my wh job, my wh attitude, etc. you fold it over and over until it is a very small sheet of paper, then you STEP ON IT, then you go out to the driveway and light it on fire, and then you motion your arms upward to the sky, to God and give that to him to take care of.

Ok the medium sheet, you keep it somewhere where you can see it and you work on these things.... but away from kids view.. these are things like... ws picking up kids on time, wh giving kids medicine, etc.... things you might be able to influence.

Ok the big big sheet, hang it inside your closet door or somewhere like that where you get to see it a lot and you can be reminded of that which you can control.... ie- I can spend precious times with my kids when they are with me, I can feed them nutrious meals, I can clean my home to my standard, I can get my nails done, get a massage, etc. I can control how I speak to wh, etc.

Ok the big sheet is to be looked at and referred to when you feel those thoughts returning to that which you cannot control... and you look and see what you can do, or what can make you feel better, etc.

I know this might not be an answer to loneliness- but for me I think it helps some.... I am saddened by the aloneness to real depression, I am fighting that daily. I think I am too fragile to be with another man, and I want my family back... but I can't make my h come back. I am so hurt by his rejection and betrayal it is overwhelming, he was my life and I wish it could be that way again.

Hugs and HOpe. I have to stop my anger at what I can't control and focus on what I can.

Let's all stick together, we can make it through this together.

Thanks for the thoughts h2u, I know how lonely it is- and it is way worse for me on the weekends, the times i enjoyed so with wh.

Honey

Dear H2Y

I do understand exactly how you feel. I too felt like Learnin - I thought I knew what it was like to be lonely when H worked away in Germany. But I didn't really - he was always on the end of the phone, weekends here/there, holidays etc.

For me, it has been compounded by the fact that I am self employed and work from home most of the time. I work alone all day, and then there is no-one coming home in the evening. But, in the last 3/4 weeks or so, something has changed. I actually seem to be enjoying myself more.

I think what I have tried to do is new things - things that were different from what H and I did together. I have tried to meet new people, and I have been very very active in finding new work opportunities. I have started going out more (which because I don't have children is easy for me), and don't turn down invitiations because I don't feel right about going out, can't talk to people, feel too tired/depressed etc. I take up most offers I can - this week I have over-done it really and have been out every night <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

So tonight, I actually feel great being at home, just me and the cats, watching a bit of telly and looking forward to an early night.

Why the change? Well, I think it's been about coming to terms with my lot. I didn't expect to be getting divorced or be alone. But I am, for now. One day, maybe I will meet someone else. But for now, I accept the cards I have been dealt and intend to enjoy it for what it is. When (and if) the time is right, there will be someone to share with - but for now I don't intend to be sad and single, but young, free and single (well, OK, nearly single, and not quite as young a I was, but you know what I mean <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

Sorry, probably not much help, but I do understand what you are saying.

Lisa

Meditate, meditate, meditate...

dear husband2you,
if i'm reading your post correctly and if i'm reading you correctly, i think your natural instinct to find a mate is working overtime. have you ever tried some of the larger city personal ads. i have met some
darling ladies by replying to a few of them. are you interested in meeting a man or are you look for something to do with you free time?

Same here

And although I try to spend time with family and friends feels really empty <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Take care and if u find the answer let me know...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by WTF is dean790:
<strong>dear husband2you,
if i'm reading your post correctly and if i'm reading you correctly, i think your natural instinct to find a mate is working overtime. have you ever tried some of the larger city personal ads. i have met some
darling ladies by replying to a few of them. are you interested in meeting a man or are you look for something to do with you free time?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WTF was that? Meet a man? You have got to be F'in joking me right? Meet a mate? Dean I have a mate. I'm married, sic, that's why I'm here at MB. And meeting a woman right now is the LAST thing that I need, darling or not, until I'm either reconciled or divorced.

But for you to even suggest that I might even be interested in meeting a man, that's just sick! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Rational thinking MBer's,

Thanks for taking your time to post to me:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jdmac1:
<strong>
Not much I can say really. Just try to occupy your time with whatever calms you.

I find that online gaming helps during my down days. Course this won't work for everyone. But it helps me.

Didn't you use to be a gamer?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So JD, what game forum can I find you in. I use to play Tanny.. Tanarus at www.tanarus.com to help calm me. I would love to get in a tank and chase you around an areana, poppin caps in your backside.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by terrified:
<strong>
Good thread because, despite being busy with my friends and D, it still feels very lonely. Your post hits home.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Terrified,

Well I didn't intend for it to be a good thread, just speaking out of turn once again. I am finally able to sleep in my bed since about Christmas. Before, I would just fall asleep in my computer chair.. whether online or not. That is where I felt at home. Of course, my neck wasn't very happy with me. I've fixed my house/masterbedroom up the way that I like it and it is more inviting for me to actually get up and go to bed at night now. I still have an occasional bad OM dream from time to time, but I normally just wake up and fall back to sleep. Things are getting much easier for me, thank God. I do have my moments though, where the loneliness gets me. I have filled my life with many people who nearly meet all my needs. I guess the sleeping alone at night is the hardest for me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by learnin:
<strong>
Yeah, lonely is the pits. ...

No one to care how your day went, to care about your health, your future, to laugh with, to make coffee for, to watch with pride your S's ballgames...everything...
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">to make coffee for...

My WW, never drank coffee before the affair, now that she does, I love it and I hate it. A trigger perhaps, but a learned reality when she and I did sit down mornings during the A, and had a cup of coffee. SO at the same time I love coffee and always have.. I love having a cup of it with her, but hate the habit she acquired through the OM.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Honey:
<strong>
Hugs and HOpe. I have to stop my anger at what I can't control and focus on what I can.

Let's all stick together, we can make it through this together.

Thanks for the thoughts h2u, I know how lonely it is- and it is way worse for me on the weekends, the times i enjoyed so with wh
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Honey,

I filled my weekends with work.. working 6 days a week at the resturant, and that helps out alot. I get home and I'm so tired, the only things I truly miss when I get home is the fact that she's not here. I normally walk in the door alone now and greet myself with a 'Honey, I'm home.' (with no intentions of refering to you, haha) and responding 'How was your day.' So yes, now I talk to myself.

Thank you for the paper assignment, we will get through this with each others support.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Lisa in London:
<strong>
... Why the change? Well, I think it's been about coming to terms with my lot. I didn't expect to be getting divorced or be alone. But I am, for now.

... One day, maybe I will meet someone else. But for now, I accept the cards I have been dealt and intend to enjoy it for what it is. When (and if) the time is right, there will be someone to share with - but for now I don't intend to be sad and single, but young, free and single (well, OK, nearly single, and not quite as young a I was, but you know what I mean )

Sorry, probably not much help, but I do understand what you are saying.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Lisa, Yes I intend to be young, free and nearly single, while I have been dealt these cards, and I know what you mean. Of course your a great help... if not here in all the other posts that I read of yours. You have an amazing strength about you. Respect.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Spacecase:
<strong>
Meditate, meditate, meditate...
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh Gawd, Space.. really, I thought I was doing that by the hot tub each night, with a corona, gazing at the stars, smog, low flying aircraft and the HPD helicopters flying over.. what am I doing wrong?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by matilde:
<strong>
Same here

And although I try to spend time with family and friends feels really empty

Take care and if u find the answer let me know...
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Matilde,

I don't have the answer, but as soon as Spacecase tells me how to meditate properly, I'll fill ya in... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

...

Dean790,

.. Oh nevermind, I'll be nice.

Why do you react so angrily to Dean's suggestion? You are lonely, you are fed up with being alone and long for a woman to be together with. Is that wrong? Of course not. Maybe by having a girl friend you start to see your relationship with your WW in a different light (be it for the better, be it for worse).
I mean, your d-day was 4 (four!) years ago, you plan-A'ed your a** off for the last 2 years, you are separated (dont know for how long) - I mean, what's your plan? You voiced your feelings so clearly with mentioning all the things you (have to) do alone. Stay true to your feelings. Stop that self-flagellation, it makes you neither happier nor prettier.

Please dont get me wrong. I am here on this board for the same reason like you. But there is a line somewhere, and if you go beyond it it's simply not healthy anymore. Sheer determination and wishful thinking can help, but it doesnt create reality.

<small>[ May 20, 2003, 04:54 AM: Message edited by: Nick123 ]</small>

Okay, being that two fellow(male) MBer's think I should start dating.. What do the 'rest' of you think?

Should I start dating?
Should I seek the warmth of a female?
Should I just drop the last four years of my attempt to save my marriage and begin a selfish need fulfilling relationship of someone of the OPPISITE sex?

Surely I jest? What do you think.

H2U,

I named myself Honey here, b/c I was always honey to wh... not anymore????

I too hate being with only kids when I come home.... not what I signed up for...

Anyway, my counselor mentioned, that this will always be harder for bs, because we did not choose single parenthood, etc.... our ws's basically ran away and chose 'freedom'.

As a write I feel anger for ws coming back... oops!

Will go for now! Hope it continues to improve for all of us. We can make it better, one day at a time!

Hugs, Honey

H2U,

I named myself Honey here, b/c I was always honey to wh... not anymore????

I too hate being with only kids when I come home.... not what I signed up for...

Anyway, my counselor mentioned, that this will always be harder for bs, because we did not choose single parenthood, etc.... our ws's basically ran away and chose 'freedom'.

As a write I feel anger for ws coming back... oops!

Will go for now! Hope it continues to improve for all of us. We can make it better, one day at a time!

Hugs, Honey

H2U,

I named myself Honey here, b/c I was always honey to wh... not anymore????

I too hate being with only kids when I come home.... not what I signed up for...

Anyway, my counselor mentioned, that this will always be harder for bs, because we did not choose single parenthood, etc.... our ws's basically ran away and chose 'freedom'.

As a write I feel anger for ws coming back... oops!

Will go for now! Hope it continues to improve for all of us. We can make it better, one day at a time!

Hugs, Honey

My advise to you.

Do whatever makes YOU happy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />