Once again my wife(WS) has the worse timing in the world. I just got back from vacation with my brother and sister-in-law on Monday. The trip did me some good because I got away from here. Well, this morning I get a phone call from my wife(WS) saying she wanted to meet in person to discuss some things. I asked her what are we going to discuss because I don’t want to show up in person and then have her or someone else serve me divorce papers. She said she wanted to talk about the divorce. I am still in shock that the only time she ever calls me is when she wants to discuss something financially or when she wants to discuss a divorce. I thought I was prepared to deal with the final part of doing the papers and what not to get a divorce. Well apparently I am not because when I got off the phone I cried a lot.
I am here seeking some advice on what to do now. Yeah my hopes has faded over time but I was still hoping that my wife might have said something along the lines of she has had some second thoughts, etc.. She re-iterated that she has never led me astray and she has always been talking about a divorce. My wife told me she wasn’t going to serve me if we met and she just wanted to discuss our options. I told her our options? She may have options but I feel I have none.
So what do I do? Do I go and hear what she has to say even though I think it will be all “Divorce” talk? Do I tell her I am not ready for this talk and I tell her I will call her when I am ready? If I do talk do I just let her do all the talking and for me to be quiet? I don’t think I can sit there and hear nothing but divorce talk and not have any emotions leak out of me. Any advice, suggestions, anything, I would greatly appreciate it.
Why can’t I just let go? I can’t seem to do that even when I think I am strong enough to do so.

CG,

Natural reactions! Dont beat yourself up over it. If you arent ready, you arent ready.

Personally, I might go and listen. When she started pushung the divorce thing again, I would just refuse to discuss it. if she continued, I would get up and leave.

If you cant handle the fallout from that (and you will be emotionally spent from meeting with her), then dont meet with her.

In His arms.

Mortarman...

It is hard not to beat one self up. It seems hard to just push away feelings and to say ok I am ready to move on. Every time I think I am at that point I seem to have something left in me and I am still human and I break down and cry. I wonder why I care so much for this person when now she just treats me like I am just another average joe blow from the street....

cg:

letting go is NOT about giving her what she wants. Letting go is ALL ABOUT letting go of the need 2 have control of outcomes. About letting go of the need 2 always 2nd guess what your W may be saying or doing behind your back. Letting go is not about stopping caring for your W. It's all about letting go of the need 2 see results when you see her or talk 2 her.

If you're not ready 2 meet with her and really be upbeat about what YOU are about, what YOU are doing for YOU, what kind of caring, non-clingy guy YOU ARE, then you're probably not ready 2 see her anytime soon. That's okay. If you aren't ready 2 talk about DV, if that's what she wants 2 talk about, then don't go see her, or if you do, make it clear 2 her that you don't want 2 discuss that. It is possible 2 talk about separation without talking about DV, and since you're already separated, it might make sense 2 talk about the things that she still might have at the house, or if you want 2 even keep the house (and how you'd divide the equity if you don't).

This isn't the end of the world, and it might not even be the end of your M. But if it is, you need 2 be okay with it, okay?

Take care of YOU, cg. The other stuff will take care of itself.
-2long