i am having a hard time w/this today. i almost cant even tell the story. i am gonna forget some parts and i will post them as i remember them. i was arguing w/the stbx (its over we are divorcing) about seeing the girls. i had to get a sitter for sunday cuz i work and he wanted them for a little while. so i had to tell him that no they werent gonna be in town. he was saying i am NOT letting them.

anyway i finally started to go in on the OW. she was right there. i was saying they wont be around her for safetys sake. he said she said she hates my little one. so finally after arguing he put her on the phone we talked for over an hour at least. she said WE want to help u w/the kids, have them overnight, have them so i can go out on dates. she said she does not hate them, she is encouraging STBX to see them. she said that WE ALL need to get along. why does she want me to leave them there so i can go out and date! she said your family is not going to always do it. she said if the kids need something then i need to call them for help.

she said i need to send pics to my STBX and call him about them other than when i feel like it?

there was more, i am just realy really losing it today. so far, what is going on!

what is going on!
Your husband is having an affair.
Don't try to understand why he is doing what he does.
Don't try to understand what he will do.

Just expect him to do something which;
a - will make you mad
b - will not make ANY sense
c - he will do with no logical reason/common sense
d - he will not do something which any "sane" person would HAVE to do.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> why does she want me to leave them there so i can go out and date! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sweetie this is a no brainer. It suits her purposes very nicely if you become involved with someone else. Her motives are very transparent:

He feels less guilt over your unhappiness and his sin and she reaps the benefit of that.

She doesn't have to face the reality that your family was destroyed by this affair.

She gets to play mommy and look like the "bigger" person.

It is not a nice game....but one that you may have no choice in participating in since she is there. Have you asked "why?" she said she hated your kids and has now changed her mind...or why you should believe that she is capable of honesty? Afterall...what mother would want their children in the company of someone who despises them.

Sorry.

kuljey,

OW wants to control your H, your children and now U. You can't control your H but you can protect yourself and your children. OW took a cheap shot at your support group and tried to downplay any other help except for hers.

IMHO you need to steer clear from this OW. She is one manipulative piece of A work. Next she will be in your house taking what she wants. In effect she has already done that and not ready to stop. If your life gets in her way...... well you just better go prepare yourself for a rough ride and take steps to warn all of your supporters so they can step up the support. You need to protect yourself also but this does not mean for you to be agressive with her, just protective of you and your family. Nothing violent, ya hear?

I would tell the OW, that you need to think about it and see where she takes that statement. Then be very careful how you word things to your H and OW. Also let your children know that the OW is trying to crowd her way into your family and want to know their thoughts on it. Then band together as a family and face this OW as 1 family unit.

take care,
L.

kuljey, don't talk to her again. She has nothing but your demise in mind and could not care less about you or your children. The matter of your children is between you and your H, NOT some strange OW who has just contributed to the destruction of your family.

There will be a time when you have no control about the kids seeing them, but until that day, I wouldn't allow the children to be around her. I WOULD, however, make arrangements for your H to see them.

Kuljey,

I hope you read my comments above.....now I would like to share a few thoughts to 'strengthen' you up a bit.

1. Tell OW that you will think about what she said when she is willing to submit to a lie detector test, full history disclosure (medical, financial, residence, education, crimminal, etc.), guarantee she will never hurt or harm your family in any way shape or form (physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, morally, spiritually, etc.) then you will begin to consider her request.

NOTE: The guarantee piece of 'family' includes YOU!!! Hm..... hasn't she already broken that one?!?!? But how you deliver this info is just as important as when. In the meantime, do your search on this character. Look up her crimminal and financial background, even her residence history (employment, where she lived, etc.).

2. Primary objective is to put you back in control of this issue. If it makes the OW look like a [censored] along the way..... well that's an added benefit. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

3. Learn the reverse babble technique....think you already need it.

take care,
L.

Kuljey,

How are you doing?

L.

just in shock that it is soooo final, so true that what happened happened. the ow was so non chalant about what "HAPPENED." she says it happened and its in the past and we have to get over it. she says they DO NOT talk about it and she does not think about it.

so, i am just trying to actually put an end to any thoughts of my WH/STBX. she says she loves him and they are taking it one day at a time. whoopee!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by kuljey:
<strong>just in shock that it is soooo final, so true that what happened happened. the ow was so non chalant about what "HAPPENED." she says it happened and its in the past and we have to get over it. she says they DO NOT talk about it and she does not think about it.

so, i am just trying to actually put an end to any thoughts of my WH/STBX. she says she loves him and they are taking it one day at a time. whoopee!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sounds like one scared OW to me. My ex-WH's OW said this to me too when she was freaking because we were still talking. Not about children (we don't have any but she is having OC) but about the past being in the past and how she loves him and she wants to be with him. They take your life, then they expect to be given it on a silver platter and for you to walk away and just be happy about it. VERY foggy stuff but also VERY fearful stuff. I agree with the others- check out OW, don't let your kids around her for as long as possible, and reverse babble talk your H- don't even bother with OW. I am very sorry for you though- I can't imagine having to deal with this with my children involved.

That's a strong face the OW is trying to get you to buy...... just picture it with a huge crack! LOL!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

If she has to tell you that they are taking it one day at a time then she sure doesn't have it all that great. She needs you to give your H a bad time so that she can start having it better. You see her tactic?

If she really was doing ok, she wouldn't need to tell you anything, your H would be giving you the world (except himself) and whistling Dixie (do they do that anymore???? - I'm from the old school - LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ).

L.

I have to agree with the others. I think things are not as great as she wants you to believe.

My sister's OW did the same thing, except she overlooked that my neice would come home and tell her mom (my sister) that she did not want to go to dad's because all they do is fight. My sister says that OW did her a favor, and good ridence to the Hubby. (Hubby has chemical dependency problems)

tell the OW that she has your husband..but will
NOT take your children away too. They belong to you and you will protect them with your life.

If she wants a family then let them start their own...

she has taken enough from you..don't give her anything else..

be strong and be of good courage..for I have overcome the world..says the Lord..HE will give you strength and peace..and
your children will grow up and call you blessed..

this popped into my mind while typing and I guess it is something for you..so know He is God..and we all are the sheep of his pasture and he will guide us into all truth..

I think I need to go back to my journal and write this down..I feel like I got lots more rattling around in my head..but I have a fear of putting it hear because I don't even know if you believe in God and trust him..lol..

will have to pray more did alot of praying this morning..early morning..for people here on the board..and God wants to move and some are standing in His way..like a car or person in the middle of the road..move..so HE can move in your life..take hands off the situations..and watch God..work..He wants the best for you..and your children He hears the prayers of the brokenhearted and binds up the wounds..
he will cleans and he will heal..

thank you Lord...
ok back to my prayer journal..
keep on keeping on...

those children were a gift to you and your husband..not to that OW this is not what I want to call her..I want to call her by her right name..the one the bible calls her a WHORE..
and they committed adultry..

they didn't care about the children before now they do? I Think the kids have enough confusion..and I also agree..tell her you need a
background check on her..and she can pay for it so you know your children are safe around her..

Thats what they do at day cares and people who hire nannys etc..background check..

stay safe..

(food for thought..did you hear that Canada just passed a law that makes it legal to bring another person into the marriage..so it is going to be threesome? isn't that awful..)

now in the states it gets voted on in Aug..and they say..dr dobson said it will probably pass here too...this world is pushing its standards on the familys of america now..God told us to not conform to the standards of the world..just cause it is going to be legal does not make it right.that is sickooooooo.) pass that around check out his site..

listen to praise105.6 on internet good music and great teaching by dr dobson and dennis rainey..
usually about marriage..and the family
focus on the family is what you put in the url for dr..dobsons url <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />