ok
here is to long and short of it
for the fear of sounding like a sniveling whining you-asked-it BS, I KNOW!!!!
hind sight is 20-20
this has been a nightmarish blur, so please forgive me for blurry details
had been engaged to alcholic who would not stop affair with an old flame. I wasn't going to live like that so I moved out to live with good friend just gone thru h**lish divorce. No contact with him since.
good friend divorced after 10 yrs, horrible affair. she was a hurting puppy. I was very strong at this time and together, we worked on her not having to bee so dependant on men.
she has amazing beautiful guy friend she wants to intro me to. I am heavy smoker and he hates smokers, no biggy, i can deal w/o relationship for rest of life.
O by the way, he is the xH of OW who broke up good friends marriage. they have been crying buddies, drinking buddies, raised each other's children etc.
ardonis persues me, and persues me and "hey I am a smoker", and persues me, very charming, very christian, very gentleman, <phew>
We go out on date, very low key, I quit smoking on the spot. Haven't met kids, oh well
ardonis non-committal even to dating, i am fine with that, i have been to h**l and back. Meet kids, they are a mess. ardonis's wife abandoned them for looser. but kids a re sweet and not total loss
he persues and woos and charms. friend pushes us together. we put off sex for two reasons, too soon for me and he wants to be sure first, sex before marriage ? nags him.
we are exclusive, and he becomes elussive. friend pushes us, he seems hurt by my friends going on w/ life and not including him.
I ask friend if she and ardonis ever slept together because he sure seems the part of the scorned lover. she just giggles and says she can't say. I ask him, and very defensivie no. He lied
several weeks later, he just can't be without me, we fall into bed, i am bragging on him. oh my. all goes great. we fall in love.
all great for a while longer then he starts getting really weird about my good friend's life going on without him and his X. I pull back eventually
musta been the first time cause i was preg. waited several weeks to make sure because i was premenapausal and could have been that. I had used contraceptive devise and it failed. comes back very pos. sit on it. decide to tell cause I ain't aborting! I explain that I do not need relationship or marriage, i do very well on own, thankyou. but i would like to marry him. he suggests abortion, i go balistic, oops.he wants to be just friends. I don't know what else happened here but something about him leading me on and saying he loved me and no sex til absolute sure and no sex unless marriage huge concideration. but i could not play the "just friends" game with him and live in same town, would have to move far away.
lemme see. estranged for while, i am depressed how could a man be so cold and irresponsible and so christain? but know how to do single parent thing real well so..
my older kids coming to visit soon, i am showing and can hide it no longer, need to decide what to do. ardonis and I are kinda reconciled. he goes to airport w/ me to meet them. our kids hit it off immediately. we all spend time together. my kids and I go with my parents on camping trip. ardonis visits us and begs me to marry him. when he saw me with kids, he just knew it was right. we are married almost immediately cause we wanted my kids there too. all beautiful despite hurried preps.
so..... happily ever after?
about 1 wk into marriage began to get really ugly.
my kids still visiting and i find H on couch, DRUNK, head in hands muttering, what the h**l have i done. okay?
it gets worse.
I gently address scene. and he lets it out. he never loved me and feels like i trapped him. Excuse me? I remind that i did not need but wanted.
ok lets back track a bit
when we pulled back long ago, i later found out that he and his X had been talking about getting back together. oooooo ouch. and still really wierd about my friend.
sex life no longer to brag about, non existant. H acts as though he is disgusted by me. he is very supportive and loving in public but at home, withdrawn and edge of mean. very secretive, talks about his X and my friend too much. I point out, he can't understand, very defensive.
getting harder and harder for me to keep cool, he will not discuss issues, stonewalls, ignores, fog and smoke, pouts, with holds sex. accuses me of hating his children and treating them unfairly, looks into my being mentally unstable. I am going insane. but in public, i am the trophy wife and all admire us. habitually, i become assertive and cry alot. we both work full time, me an hour away, no help with housework, cannot remove H from infront of tv. neglected, rejected, i cry even more. "must be the hormones"
he is (or was) a runner and another good friend of mine was his running partner. every week end, nine miles. the runs are taking longer and longer. Oh we were just talking and forgot the time. I always made breakfast for return, immedeatly to the table for gatorade and carbs. shower after. eventually, runs up to 3 and 4 hours long. hmmmm. then one day, home from run rather tweeked, immediately to shower without so much of a hello. hmmm.... mad 'cause breakfast already on table. wha? She, by the way, does hair, cakes on makeup before nine mile run and he puts on cologne. but, it's 6am and you are going to be sweating profusely.
first good friend still good friend and I cry on her shoulder alot. she is still in man bashing mode and wants lots of company with it. She is still hearing from her X, he is persistant, he wants her back, his life with my H's X is h**l. just wait til spring just wait til spring and Friends X will be free. My H's X under impression my H and she will be getting back together after baby born 'cause then my H will see it's not his baby. Gosh, then it was immaculate conception 'cause I hadn't had sex prior to my H for many months. I think I am going to fall apart. H NOT supportive or available. talks to his X on phone endlessly and won't stop. Talks to both my good friends on phone endlessly and won't stop. 'we are just freinds'. Gosh, then how do they know more than I have told them about our relationship, i had actually stopped talking to both friends about marriage 'cause they weren't helping but hurting and blaming me for all mess.
why does H have viagra hidden in bathroom cupboard? prescript date befroe we met. H claimed me 1st relationship, only 5 out of 36 doses left, we've only had sex about 1o times in that time. hmmm... 5+10=? 36-15=? 'scuse me? what gives. oh yah, viagra found with pack of technocolored comdoms. hello
Baby time!!!!! I will be at home mom, despite objections of 'good friends'. they are becoming rather annoying and judgemental. Hey, baby looks just like my H when he was born. H's X starts to fall further apart. My 1st good firend's X won't beable to get rid of my h's X. bummer.
things get better for long time. H love baby boy to death. I am good mother after all. Hmmmm....
H still silent and willnot discuss even the slightest issue, I didn't know he didn't like chicken, too afraid of confrontation to tell me. says I will fall apart if he tells me. thanx.
hey friend #2 movong far far, bummer. H not too happy, i secretly am. he pretty much stopped running at that point.
gotta go for now, beautiful bay not happy.
please input, and i know, i should have seen it coming.
