I'm wondering if anybody noticed any of the typical things when they suspected their spouse of having an affair. you know, new underwear or new cologne, losing weight,hang up calls, unexplained absences and especially did anybody notice a different style when your spouse kissed you or other intimate things?

I'm shocked that no one else has replied yet. Some of these things happened prior to A, but thought I would list them anyway. I think he's in mid-life crisis. OK, here goes:

new underwear
losing weight
shaved moustache
new, stylish clothes
new, current music (prior to that was a talk radio listener)
more secretive regarding computer
on computer LOTS
kissing very deeply and forcefully
not initiating sex very often
washing himself off after sex (never did before)
no cuddling after sex
no "I love you" after sex
no kisses goodbye before work
calling me "Babe"
losing interest in spending time with me
losing interest in spending time with children
not doing any home repairs/maintenance
many, MANY errands
wearing cell phone on belt at all times (never did before)
not looking at me
being very critical of me
not excessive drinking, but more than usual

I'm sure there are more. Funny thing is, I didn't put 2 and 2 together (or is it 20 and 20 together <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> ). Knew things were odd, but we were remodeling at the time and I thought the stress/changes were due to that.

What else did you guys out there notice?

so many signs. So many "gut" feelings.

out w/ the boys more and more
turning off pager and cell phone
unexplained itineraries for travel
new cologne
VERY different sex
computer and many secret email accounts
losing some weight
laser hair removal for back
laser comb to try to keep what hair left
viagra
interestingly became impotent at times during sex. Said he had prostate problems. (guilt)
total change in music interests
only interested in latin culture anyone or anything having to do w/ latins.

Funny ain't it? We all had signs. We all ignored them to a degree. There's something to be said about instinct.

Yes,

Hang up calls
weight loss
new clothes
different sex
deeper intimacy

I thought it was great! Little did I know.

Stung, ljkm, catamount great replies thank you.

lately when he kisses me, it feels different. combine that with
new underwear
off with the beard
weight loss
hang up calls
wants to try new things in bed
new cologne
more time away from home
frequent trips to the store late at night
falls asleep on the couch often

I could go on and on. we've been married 13 1/2 years and once again it's like living with a stranger. thanks again

Here's what I noticed;

New underwear (worn when going out)
Secrecy (deleting caller ID on phone, e-mails etc)
New "friends" (not calling old friends)
Decreased interest in home
More attention on appearance, fitness
Lies
Different pattern on going out
Phone calls from unknown numbers, hang ups

Follow your intuition and start looking into this. Don't confront until you have something solid. Good luck!

Here is a handy link to the 50 signs your S is having an A.

50 Signs

The biggest sign for me was the constant feeling of

"THIS WOMAN DOESN'T LOVE ME OR CARE FOR ME"

Felt that way for 2 years prior to D-Day, can almost tell you the date when I started to feel this way coinsiding with phone calls at 9:30 at night from a fitness instructor.

Coinicidince?

Increased spending habbits (year plus before affair)

Picking little fights of no logical basis- eg. WW "why don't we do anything any more"
BH "what would you like to do? How about x,y,z"
WW "I don't know maybe later"

Shift in conversations from "us" to "my this or that"

Increased demands without recipication or thanks.

Less sex then sometimes more

Plastic surgery

Increased selfish acts

Less involvement with friends

Decreased care about our home - I was expected to keep up my chores while hers could slip. Goes back to the little fighting stuff.

these are the main ones which all point to someone pushing themselves away and trying to create a reason for what she was doing. I became the badguy without her even saying it specifily.

It is strange. I was just thinking that same thing about my WS. She filed for divorce and says she does not love me and I am a liar. W sees OM every night with our DD's. She did:
started exercising at night
started wearing provocative close
started listening to different music - not christian
started shunning me
broke all physical contact
stopped kissing before she left for work

She filed divorce papers and now she is the victim and I am the mean H who wants to hurt her and kidnap the kids. This is so painful - should I desire to want WS back?

I just have a message for my wife in case she happens upon this thread. Baby, as you know I need new underwear. I'm going to the mall this weekend to get a 6-pack of briefs. But don't get the idea that anything's going on.

Your loving husband

What is to be said for us BS out there like myself who (upon heinsight 20/20) still do not recall seeing hardly any of the signs you have stated?

The only signs I recognize now after the fact are: great sex upon return from the two trips I now know he was w/OW, not as often of "I love you's" after sex (if I remember correctly), losing interest in being with kids, not moving forward with plans to finish inside of newly built polebarn, heavier drinking than before.

This is it, which still even seems not too alarming for the average spouse to me, unless I'm just weird. I was totally blown away on Dday to say the least.

Just wondering if anyone else there had such subtle signs.

FF

This one is easy. After 5 years of me working out of town and being on the road, we finally made a decision to defocus on my business in order to be together again full time as a family. This involved selling the house and moving to a new town where I had landed a job. Of course, the single income family aspect of our relationship continued. (not that I'm bitter)

2 weeks before the move, WW got extremely apprehensive. Not just normal nerves and concerns for a life changing event, but a real "I'll go only if I can kick and scream" attitude. And supposedly, we both wanted this.

That was the first big sign. There were many more later.

Anonymous prepaid long distance cards are what I'm dealing with today.

Comanche

<small>[ November 09, 2003, 09:07 AM: Message edited by: Comanche ]</small>

Looking back, here are the signs from my WAH. . .

He bought a fancy electronic toothbrush - for an individual not a family

He was actually nicer for a brief bit (guilt at work?)

He wore cologne at odd times

Took the phone into the garage to make calls and once when I innocently walked out there, he had a fit

Too daughter off by himself on Saturday outing with no prompting from me (guess where they went?)

He was "very busy" at work, had to work longer hours

I swear there was an obnoxious lilt in his step prior to D-day

Suddenly I just had a feeling, ya know?

Here's what I noticed in WH during affair:

Into loud "head banging music"

Big weight loss

Hair bleached blonde at ends

*Cell phone off at odd times(really made me suspicious and upset!)

Unable to have sex(guilt setting in)

Lots of withdrawals in his account(paying for dinners with the homewrecker no doubt)

Became more easily upset with our daughters

The best was: MY GUT feeling. I knew something was up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Here's a biggie:

Coming home late, I was in bed, asleep. I wake up and move over to snuggle.

He smelled freshly out of the shower and with a different soap smell than ours! Never told him that one!

*S*