We had a thread awhile back with all the stuff that betrayers say. Some of my anger is at things my H said before he admitted cheating.<P>1. "You think I'm cheating? I thought we had a better relationship than that."<P>2. Well, I've been accused; I may as well do it.<P>3. I'd be like Clinton---lie, lie, lie. (I felt like he was thumbing his nose at me!)<P>4. I haven't had any problems having sex with you.<P>5. You aren't going any farther than 25 feet from the house.<P>6. You're out of your f***ing mind. You're crazier than hell.<P>I'm sure there are more things he's said that grate on my mind, but I'm too tired to think of them all.<P>So, how about it? What were some famous lines BEFORE discovery?<BR>

I reckon the most famous line of all is one we have all heard.....<P> "we're just friends"

I am a betrayor.. hurtful things I have said<P>When my wife told me of a girl friend of hers who was considering an affair.. I commented against it (hypocrite)<P>I laughed at all Jay Leno's jokes about Bill Clinton (We watch that together)<P>"No it is just random chat.. no one I know of ever chatted with before or will ever again."<P>All lies.. all part of a cover up of my unfaithful activities used to serve my own selfish emotional needs.<BR>Never to hurt her.. only to pretect her from the pain and me from the embarrassment <BR>and consequences of my actions.<P>It hurts to hurt the one you love<P>

When I finally asked my Wife if she was having an affair, she said, (I kid you not) “What do you mean by sex?”<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

It always hurts to hurt the ones you love<P>That phrase got to me in the previous post. Sorry off subject.<P>1. My pager's battery is dead.<P>2. No, I didnt' get your page. (Good thing one of the kids hadn't been hit by a car!)<P>3. No, I didn't go to that movie but I bought the sound track anyway.<P>4. I went to the beach alone but bought a new chair and bathing suit so I could sit alone. (Here's an extrovert talking!)<P>5. I went shopping for 10 hours today but came home with nothing. Why are you asking so many questions?<P>6. The boys say you stop at phone booths to make phone calls, how come?<P>7. It takes me 3 minutes to drive across the street to pick up cigarretes, how come it takes you 15. <P>8. Gee, how did we get these carnival cruise line matches in our suitcase when you were on a fishing trip with friends from work.<P>9. It's amazing how your gone with something for work or friends on the same night every week.<P>10. Now he says it must be my phone. (My advice, if your h lives at home, cell phones are a no no....<P>Sorry, I think I reversed everything. I just listened to my kids (6&9) cry themselves to sleep. I'm losing it.

chris, she was just temporarily confused by clinton.

That was my response to her, “don’t be Bill Clinton!”<p>[This message has been edited by Chris (CA123) (edited September 15, 1999).]

"I haven't talked to a girl online in YEARS!"<P>Later:<P>"No, I'm not talking to any girls online."<P>Later:<P>"She's just a friend, she depends on me, her lousy marriage is all we talk about."<P>Later still:<P>"Ok, she was in love with me and was bugging me to run off with her. I just felt sorry for her though."<P>And what I have never gotten:<P>"Ok, I was in love with her too."<P>Which I suppose will never happen, but maybe it's just as well

Maybe I should feel good that I never had to come up with dumb excuses or cover-ups like the ones I've read here. But I don't. I actually feel worse. My conflict avoiding H never asked me anything. Never. When I'd get home at 2 or 3am, he never said a word. Didn't even ask where I'd been. In a strange way, I actually wanted him to show me he gave a crap where I was and what I was doing. Would I have lied to him? Probably. But I never even got that chance because he never showed me he cared. It was very confusing.<P>But, now that I understand the dynamics of conflict avoidance, I know he cared, just didn't know how to show it. <P>------------------<BR>Love is meant to heal. Love is meant to renew. Love is meant to oust all fear. Love is meant to harmonize differences. Love is meant to bring us closer to God.

It sure hurts to know that you are being lied to:<P>1. Give me examples of what I did that makes you think that I'm having an affair.<P>2. She's only a friend. All we do is talk. I never touched her.<P>3. If I can guarantee you anything....I am not seeing anyone.<P>4. I will tell you until I am BLUE in the face.....<P>5. I didn't come home because I had to go away and think....I parked somewhere and slept in the car last night....<P>It was really sickening to hear these lies and put up with my H's temporary irrational behavior....I don't know who he thought he was fooling....but it sure wasn't me! I'm glad the craziness is over!

Just remembered another one from the time after disclosure:<P>"Hey, I've already told you everything. Stop bugging me. Do you want me to make sh*t up for you??"<P>Ho hum.

and...<P>"Nothings going on...I swear on my daughter's life"....<BR>"I care about her but not like you think i do"....<BR>"it would be easier just to tell you what you want to hear"..<BR>"this is no way to live"...<BR>"when do you just give up and say enough is enough"...<P>all made me feel like a paranoid, nagging, insane person when in truth he was lying the whole time...<p>[This message has been edited by KelStill (edited September 15, 1999).]

AAAAAAAAAAAARG!<P>I should stay off this thread, I'm getting furious. I was just reminded of the worst one of all...<P>"Ok, everything you asked is true, I've been lying all this time and I really was in love with her, ok? Is that enough to satisfy you?"<P>Thirty seconds later: <P>"I just said that to shut you up. It's not true, but it's what you WANT to believe anyway, so whatever".<P>- Cristalle, heading for the St. John's Wort

cristalle,<BR>sorry, i know....now that the truth is out for me and my H i keep remembering other little 'incidents' that were lies and it tears me to pieces.<BR>what's your status right now?<BR>remember that once they 'start' lying, it steamrolls and they get sucked deeper and deeper into it....THEY can't believe how they lied and what they lied about....<BR>hang in there<P>------------------<BR>Kellie<BR>Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough<P>

Hi KelStill <P>Awful, isn't it? I've taken to wearing a rubber band on my wrist and screaming "SNAP OUT OF IT" at myself, when the remembering gets too bad.<P>Right now it's 8 months after I caught him, and although he has done everything "right" I still don't trust him due to all the lies. He keeps telling me he is honest, but I guess what I don't believe is how someone could lie their life away and then turn "honest" so quickly.<P>So I've taken to this leap of faith thing, trying to force myself to trust him. It seems to help sometimes, and I only hope I'm right in the end. If not, I suppose I save myself the daily pain of wondering and worrying -- until if and when the day comes I find he's really been lying. If that makes sense!<P>- Cristalle, wife of conflict avoider serial number #490209569

my mother calls my H the 'gutless wonder'...big conflict avoider HUGE in fact...that's pretty much his main line to me now..that he just 'doesn't know what he wants'...<BR>i tried for 9 months during what i thought was 'post-affair' only to discover finally a few weeks ago that it started up again a few weeks after he ended it....groan....<BR>i was doing good for quite a few months but things crept in...then missing time, missing money, not able to get a hold of him...drove me insane..i was driving home from work in tears almost every day...finally said 'screw it' and hired a PI. took her one day to get them on 'tape'..very devestating though..<BR>i hope your H really is being honest with you. if he's not, he's building the card house of lies, and it will fall...<BR>best of luck....the uncertainity was the worst, the trying, the watching, the sucking it in....i never thought i would ever feel this much pain in my marriage....<BR>hang in there<P>------------------<BR>Kellie<BR>Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough<P>

Thought I might be able to add to the list:<P>In response to being told how disrespectful & hurtful he had been to me, having stared so hard at a blond pumping gas into a red mustang, that he had to actually suck his breath in, then looking back as we pulled away so he could get her license plate number:<P>"Stop your damned insecurity! I wasn't starring at anyone." Then: "Just shut the<BR>blank up."<P>Or, after my objection to his taking a snapshot from above downward into a co-worker's rather large cleavage and pinning it up on his bulletin board with the other co-workers who were fully clothed: <P>"I'm fed-up with your blanking insecurity.<BR>Just get out of here and leave me alone."<P><BR>Or, after actually seeing him cheating with another woman, and learning from his brother that he hadn't left the boat until 4:00AM in the morning:<P>"That wasn't me!" <P>Then: <P>"OK, I drove her to the boat, and took her <BR>home before 8:00PM. I don't care what my brother said." <P>(Just for the record his brother and sister-in-law live right nextdoor to where<BR>the boat is parked inside a boathouse).<P>"I don't remember who she was."<P>"We didn't do anything. I took her home by<BR>8:00PM.<BR>"You need psychiatric help."<P>"Your messed up in the head. Get some<BR>psychiatric help."<P>His response to why he hasn't had anything to do with me in bed for the past two weeks:<P>"You're always on the blanking computer. You<BR>know how angry it makes me, but your selfish<BR>and you just keep right on doing it. If you<BR>want us to have sex, GET OFF THE COMPUTER."<P>In response to my questioning why he is coming home so late from work lately:<P>"I don't have to answer to you. Just knock off your blanking insecurity."<P>NOW WHY ON EARTH WOULD I HAVE ANY REASON TO <BR>BE INSECURE WITH SUCH A WONDERFUL PERSON?<BR> <P><BR> <P><BR>

I think we need to hear from more GUYS! I get similar things from my W. Whenever I raise the issue, I hear things like:<P>"You have a serious issue with trust. It's all because your first wife cheated on you. Stop bringing the emotional baggage from your first marriage into this relationship. I am not having an affair and I am not lying to you."<P>Pretty convincing, eh? Especially when said with a straight face in a tone of utmost sincerety. And, in fact, for a long time responses like this made me doubt my suspicions, until I finally found real evidence that didn't allow me to doubt any more. I still have to shake myself when she talks like this though, and remind myself that she's lying. No wonder our couples counselor believes her too. So I get stuck with the rap for not trusting. And, unfortuantely, my evidence of her infidelity isn't the kind that would hold up in court (or a counseling session) but it's been enough to convince me.<P>--Wex

"it wasn't as bad as you think, i was just getting away from YOU"

Oh, how this thread hurts...<BR>My ultimate favorite from my H..."you drove me to it..."<BR>