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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 756
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I don’t know where to begin, but here I’m thinking about my long journey. I finally come to my sense that I NEED to take a giant leap by starting my first step. It’s scary to think about the unknown. Don’t know how many times I have to step back and then move forward on this journey, but at least it is the beginning of my long unknown journey.

I know that this is a “Marriage Builders” web site, not a place to ask for advice how to divorce, but I want to prepare for that day. The day I’m going to sit down and talk to my wife about it.

The problem is, there is no best day right now that I can think of. She is going to school and this semester should end a week before xmas and I have been thinking about talking to her then. But, then again, I might ruin the family holiday. May be after New Year?

She still has at least two more years before she finishes school and finds a full time job. Maybe I should wait until then!

Anyway, what is the best way to handle this? Any advice?

Joined: Feb 2003
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You'll get some advice here, but you might want to post in the Divorcing/Divorced section of this website. You'll likely get more answers there.

Joined: Aug 1999
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OOOO,

There is NEVER going to be a good time to do this. So now is as good as any. You have been at this for a long time. Nothing has changed. All that is happening is that she is doing what she said she would do. She is going to remain with you until the kids leave about the time she graduates or if she prolongs to better time with the kids needs to go to graduate school??? and then SHE will leave you.

I know you don't want to do this. I know you never would do Plan B, BUT either you make the decision or she is going to make it for you and frankly she doesn't have your best interests at heart and she really doesn't even have the kids best interests.

Frankly, your living situation is NOT a good role model for them. It is not awful, but it is not good.

You know my point of view, and you know I believe you needed to be and continue to need to be proactive. She won't change unless something does change and something is YOU changing the situation. She may not decide to act like a W to keep you, but if she doesn't you have not lost anything.

It is time OOOO, it really is. Start with plan B if you are really really reluctant, and then go to divorce, but DO SOMETHING.

I wish you the best in these hard times.

God Bless,

JL

Joined: Jul 2000
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Thank you A.M.Martin for your suggestion.

Again thank you JL for your insight.

You are right. It seems that nothing has changed. She is still doing what she said she would do, but (if I can use that word) why in the world she kept saying, thinking, or bringing up the idea of getting a bigger house, planning a long term family vacation oversea, and doing things together in the future. Either she fooled me completely or made believe at such (real actor). Or, I’m just so dump to see it.

JL, I know I have been reluctant to pick this option and with my current situation, it is not a good model for my kids either. They got used to that already (bad, I know).

Where do I begin to initiate this? What do I say to her? If I go with plan B, what do I do? Ask her to move out? Do I move out? Her part time job won’t get her anywhere, period. Should I care? Is it her problem?

What about her school? She was there when I went to school to finish my degree (over ten years ago).

Like I said I NEED to prepare for all these. I guess I have to go back and re-read my older posts.


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