I feel badly. So many people go through so much more than I have, have seen so much more and yet they are still fighting to save their marriage. I cannot do the same. I am making an appointment and I am filing for divorce.

I spoke with my daughter this morning and she told me that someone drew a picture of her and put it on her dresser over at her mother's. I instantly knew who it was. I asked the mother if it was the boyfriend, she told me it was. I instantly call him to tell him not to have any thoughts of my children and not to draw pictures, play or doing anything regarding my children. His mom answered so I told her. She put me on hold and called her daughter and put her on 3-way. They both proceed to tell me that my wife does not want me, that I need to move on, and that their brother pretty much is hers.

I called wife and told her of the conversation and told her that if I am not good enough and she is with him she needs to divorce me. She said she will think about it.

I am going to do first. I can't take this anymore. She is in it with him, his family and her best friend. No one she knows now is trying to convince her otherwise. She is comfortable and a part of his family. I must move on and protect my family from this.

Uh oh...

I can't say that I blame you solon. I'll leave the good ideas up to those with more faith than myself.

Whatever happens, I wish you peace and happiness in the times to come. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

^^Bump^^

Solon,

Are you out there? Has anything changed for you?

O

Solon, I know you're hurting more than you can say. I've been there and know it entirely too well. If you can, take the time to listen to yourself and your hurt. Just sit quietly and be with yourself for a while. Don't -do- anything about your hurt except listen and silently comfort it. Open yourself, if you can, to the larger Thing that's inside you, the One that comforts hurts we didn't know we could bear.

Doesn't matter whether you call It the Divine or God or dharma or the Tao. Whatever It is, it can give you solace. And you and it probably need to be communing right now, rather than you seeking the solace of a lawyer. They're poor substitutes, I'm sorry to say, for that gaping hole in your heart.

Dear Solon,

I know you are hurting and rightly so. It angers me to hear a mother (OM's mom no less) speak so callously to a father and H.

Here's my take....if you are up to it and it is only a suggestion....

Give that OM's mom and his sister 1 more call. Let them know that you will certainly remember their words and the 'next' time someone tries to replace them in the lives of the one they love, you will give those callous people the OM's moms words. Let them know that for you, you are highly offended that a parent and sibling can be soooo stupid in supporting an affair. If the OM is such a great catch, why isn't he and your W doing the right thing? Why? Because nothing in an affair is right. By the way, now you can let others know that now you know where the OM got the approval for the A.

Then I would let others know of the OM's mom and sisters stance.

Again, only if you can..... I sure would make me feel better but I am not the important one. You are. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

take care,
L.

I am so sorry that story is terrible! How cold.
You do what is best for you and what you feel deep inside, good luck to you!

solon, there are others who just get to the point where they can't take any more. I have only known about my W's A for a few months and when I found out about it I swore we would find a way to get through it. Just before Christmas I took my ring off. I felt so bad because I see other people on this site go for so long trying to repair their marriage and I feel like I have given up so quick. You have to remember everyone's situation is different. In my case (and it sounds like yours too) my W did so much damage in such a short amount of time that I feel like she has left no other option for me. It is tough to admit that it is over, now we have to try to move on. Good luck

Thanks all.

Obviously, his family does not know the truth about what has happened and does not even care to know. I thought about sending his mother a copy of all our emails and the email she sent to him asking that he leave her alone earlier this year. They do not know that she tried to get away from him but he talked her into coming back to him. She now tries to justify leaving her family by saying I was such a horrible person. I still may do that. I am sure by seeing what she said about him and to him when the fog was a little thinner would open their eyes. But I really don't care. She has lost it.

I cancelled the appointment with the attorney and I am going to REALLY work on myself this year 2004. It's all behind me now. I know I've said that before, but this time it's real. I am not going to allow it to get me down anymore.

Solon, This sounds like a wise and healthy approach, to me. What are you going to work on for yourself? Do you have plans and approaches that you'd be willing to share? I'm so glad to hear you say that you're going to focus on yourself; you deserve it!!

well, Just J, going into this new year, like I said, I am putting all of 2003 behind. It was a hellish year. So I am refusing to allow my mind to meditate on all the hurtful events. This year I plan to improve myself physically, mentally, and spiritually. Physically, I have set goals for myself. I will run a certain distance under a certain time and I will lift a certain amount of weight this year. I will read at least a book a month this year. And I will pray more and meditate more. Each day I will do a little something in each of these areas.

What about you? What are your plans for this new year?

My plans for this New Year used to be to seek emptiness and quiet serenity.

Then Cerri got hold of me and gently invited me on a completely different path. I think she recently said something like, "Wheeeeeeeee!!!!" as the ride began. I was still searching for the barf bags when it started.

This is, of course, the way I work. Emptiness and serenity are things I long for and never quite manage to do 'cause I'm so darned busy. It's good work, though.

You know, I'm sitting here thinking...it's been nearly a year since my wife first met this guy. Feb. 14th would mark a year since the first time they had sex. A year of all of this. Enough is enough.

Don't know your whole story, Solon, and maybe you've posted it elsewhere. But have you tried Plan A? Are you ripe for Plan B?

She needs to make the decision to end the A. Until she does, all you can do is protect yourself emotionally until she comes out of the FOG...