NC:

I don't know what you're hoping 2 accomplish with your posts here, but let me offer some advice. Take what you like and toss the rest.

Drop the assumptions of what your W is doing. Accept her for who she is. Be the best person you can be. Drop the snooping, fire the PI, keep up the AA work, and just BE. And let her BE herself, 2.

There's no better way 2 end all this self-destructive drama than 2 simply choose 2 end it. Don't play games with your W. Don't get dragged in2 game-playing by her. Just be.

-ol' 2long

Sorry 2 long; It's not that I am so much "snooping"- it's that I *have* to make sure my kids are OK.

Yea, I know- it's no good to focus on her infidelity. As, I *do* accept her for who she is.

One problem of course is that I love her; even if I didn't I would still care for &any* of my friends being taken advantage of. My wife has Never been around the type of "people" that she is now in with- and they are happy to make fun of her- so this also paints me in a bad light.

But yes, I accept her character flaws, and she has always accepted mine...

Time to move on as best I can, but of course the kids are a big priority right now.

J

Hello Broken,

I want to thank you- you have had some really good advice.

Um, well the dinner was *supposed* to be a "let's put all of the divorce stuff aside and just try to have a short dinner together, with the kids" kind of thing- and the kids were pretty excited about it, but now I am thinking it is so wrong because it probably confused them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Anyway, I was really excited about it- until the next morning when I began to process how it went.

For one thing she was drunk when she got home. She claimed she was "running errands".

I got to her house at 5PM (I had called her and asked if I could come early). My 11yo was locked out of the house, but he was safe- across the street with nice neighbors. So anyway she showed up at 6:27.

She was wearing blue jeans- claimed she had been at an "informal job interview"- which means she was talking to someone at the bar- whatever, it's not like I have never done that...

So when we went to the restaurant I bought her a margarita (I had Coke). Within minutes I became aware that she was already drunk- I started noticing the slurred speach, and she was kinda wobbly. Then she started talking pretty load and folks were listening- she was saying over and over again "I hate you for cheating" and I was like "I'm sorry, really please know that I am so so sorry about things. Let's just try to be nice and not fight for tonight".

And we did hold hands underneath the table- which was like the best thing I've had in years.

I also got one quick kiss- and the electricity was sooo real to me, and I think she felt it too, but I don't know.

Anyway, for some reason I think she is starting to kinda get out of the Darren fog. I hope she is able to find someone who will take things slow with her, like real slow, so she can get into a happy relationship somewhere.

I wish her the best; I still feel very sorry for what I've done. If you knew her I am sure you would see what I see- she is such a Great person- with Tremendous personality, and brains to boot!!

Oh, I've been so stupid.

At least I can try to make good decisions so that my life will improve. I am going to start delivering pizzas in the evening to try and get her some / the kids some money. I've been so broke, but then again I have some really really good potential as a Loan Officer.

Thanks so much again. I'm no longer praying that we re-unite; I am asking God to just help us find peace. Who knows, one day we'll both look back and say we're better off- hopefully we won't hate each other.

I am just too tired of crying. I have to move on. But Gosh do I love that woman.

J

Ok J, so what about the kids? It's ok to write about how smart and beautiful and wonderful your wife is but what about the kids and the situation they are living in?

Seems to me that a smart, beautiful, drunken mother isn't in their best interests, What is being done to rectify that?

Hey Dancer,

Well, we have court on Friday. I believe trying to get at least the fruitcake's influence out of the picture is a very good first step.

I have offered to try and mitigate the charges, if she is willing to keep him from the kids, but she says no.

Pretty much she is not leaving them at home as much, but I found out today that she is sneaking out of the house late when they are asleep...

I'll get back to you, I am at work (BTW for some of ya'll YEAA got a new job with a law office, so that is helping a lot) I can increase my money to the kids, and still fight for the divorce if she does not come around...