Hi to everybody. Here is my story
We have been married with my husband for 5 months now. We put a lot of efforts and time to get marriage as we are from different countries and I had to move to his place. After marriage my husband lost interest in sex with me. He stopped kissing me passionately. I'm an attractive woman and I notice there is something wrong. Because I needed to be close and I needed sex and he was not happy I initiate it. Every time I talk to him he says everything is ok.
About in a month he left his email open and I read it! He was writing to a girl who placed her advertisement about escort service. He asked how much and if it includes sex. I was in shock! Why dose he need an escort if he has a beautiful wife? Why to pay for sex if his wife is dying without sex?
I have been talking about it a lot and he said that is was a joke he just was curies and it was a joke for a friend. He asked me to forgive and forget and trust him because it will effect out marriage.
I tried to forget and almost forgot.
Meanwhile he was a very outgoing person and he can sometimes wake up 3 am and just say "I'm bored I want to go out" When I ask him why can't he take me out if he wants to go so late he says he just want to meet a friend who is available after 3 am or just want to have his space. He asks me to give him space any time day or night he is feeling like going out. For me it was very difficult because In my culture if you are married usually people don't go out night time separated. May be once in 2 months I would understand.
We keep arguing about this all the time and I don't feel comfortable with this because he even can't tell exactly what friend and where will he go and what kind of friend is it that I can't meet.
I noticed that he is always reading a forum about local girls who work in hotels in sex business. Men talk about the girls which one provide good service which not. Once we went to one of the shopping complex which has hotel and he said he will leave me for 45 minutes and after we will meet. Was very strange why 45 minutes … I read at the same forum 45 minutes is time of the girls service. After that when we went to the same complex he was trying to leave me at least for 10 minutes.
I looked at his cell phone bill and noticed that he is keeping calling to that hotel and some other local hotels.
Some monthes ago his cell phone call 2.30 am I woke up him. I thought something urgent. When I asked him who was calling so late and why he said just a friend fooling aroung. Then I asked why then you have been talking for a while to him? He got very angry that I don't trust him I’m so suspicious.. I should be happy with an answer "just a friend" and don't ask anything more He said I should trust him like a blind man.
Well as I did not get an answer… I start to be suspicious nervous. I have allergy for his cell phone. Because after that he always set it as meeting or unvoiced so I can’t hear if someone is calling.
A month ago he said he need to go to another state about his work. It seamed very strange to me because he said he is going with his colleague but he never call him in front of me. Only once he called to someone and asked if 26th is confirm then he said he can’t talk now because of lightening. Before he left the house he said he is going not about his current job but a different project so he did not tell nobody at work. It was strange too because he did not tell me this before. I knew something is wrong.
A week ago I got his cell phone bill. I looked at the date he went and He call 1.00 am not from another state but the next city. The only phone numbers he call that day was our location hotel numbers and ………one cell phone number. When I call this number the girl answered and she spoke my language! Not many people in this country speak my language . It was a shock. I did not want anything I was sure he was with her. When he came back I said I’m giving you a chance tell me honestly what is going on . He did not want to tell me anything before I did not show his bill. Then he said because he was under pressure because of me that is why he wanted to be on his own one night. About the girl he said he was just talking to her and even have never met her. I looked at the bill It started about 2 months ago. And he kept calling her more and more. I said I want to divorce because I don’t trust you any more He was begging me he was crying to be with him to forgive and forget. I asked him don’t to lie to me any more and never talk to that girl any more. He said “ok” He said he dose not have any woman except me I was before Xmas day. Now one week later I still have pain and I feel very insecure when someone calling him specially night time. Someone called him 1.30 am but it show as Private number is calling I asked him who he said it was missed call. Last night we went to bed about 1.30 am and I woke up 7 I look at his phone it was a message there. I asked who is calling so late. He become very angry that I’m still so suspicious I should forget . But it still pain. I feel horrible to be like this. I feel very bad to look at his bills He said he never thought his wife will check everything. I never thought I will be like this too But I want an answer and I don’t get it from him.
Should I trust him? May be it is only on my mind ? I’m loosing my mind. Don’t know what to think and what to do.

it does sound like he may be having an A. Unless, he can be absolutely honest and explain himself, where he goes late at night, who calls him, etc. I would not trust him. Keep looking around. See if you can get some hard evidence. Get a PI.

Advice to you is read all the articles on this site and then Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harley, His needs her needs, Divorce Busting, Relationship Rescue by Dr. Phil and other great books suggested on this site.

I know you probably do not want to hear it, but if he is hiding something that much from you, he probably is up to no good. It may not be an affair, maybe it is something else, but he should definitely explain himself and if he does not want to you need to get some evidence somehow.

Sounds like he may have a sexual addiction. He has a compulsion to have sex with prostitutes or engage in risky sexual behavior. He probably had this behavior before your marriage and thought he could stop after getting married...or perhaps thought that by marrying someone from a different culture you would put up with this.

This is very bad treatment of you and I'm sorry you have to put up with this. You are in a tough situation because you may not have the friends or family around to support you or talk to.

I would confront him about his behavior and then talk with him about what marriage means to him (what are the rules). He may deny his behavior but I would stand firm that these things are still going on.

I replied over on JFO, but will copy and paste it here for you...

My first instinct is that you are a troll and your post is fake....Because there are way too many things you mention for this NOT to be either an affair, or a series of sexual encounters...

If it's not, then would you still believe him if he walked in with lipstick on his underwear and a used condom in his backpocket?? I mean how ridiculous that he wants to go out at 3 a.m.....

And let me guess, you're STILL having unprotected sex with him...right?? Oh Yeah...please make a doctor's appt ASAP...that is if what you say is real......

YES HE IS HAVING SEX OUTSIDE OF YOUR MARRIAGE....as my 7 yr old would say....DUH!!!!!

boomer

Why so vicious?

We don't even know her cultural background. In many countries, mideast and asian, the woman is taught to be totally submissive to the husband.

Because she is niave or submissive due to her cultural background doesn't mean she is a troll.

stran

Doesn't take a genius to realize if he is routinely calling a hotel known for prostitution then something is wrong.....way WRONG.

What country are you from?

What country is he from?

You have a serious problem that could be dangerous to your health if not your life. Depending on what country we are talking about (some actually do regulate prostitution via their health angencies much like Las Vegas here in the states) and what type of service we are talking about your husband could be exposing you to STD's that could affect you ability to have children, your overall health and even endanger your life.

Because I think the poster is a "troll"....

Honestly, how can anyone take what she's saying serious...

Although the different culture thingy never occured to me.

I don't think is a troll at all. Stran, your H is probably fooling around with hookers and is a very dangerous person. He is very high risk for sexually transmitted diseases and will give you a disease.

You ask if you should trust him and say that he demands trust. Does it make sense to trust an untrustworthy person? Of course it doesn't. Only a fool would trust an untrustworthy person and I don't believe you are a fool.

I don't know what to tell you to do, but just realize that your H is carrying on a secret life that is very probably hazardous to your health.

Boomer might have a point, though, on second thought.

Thank you for all replies. I know this situation sounds unbelievable. But when you love you always want to believe in better about your loved one. And we are always a little bit blind but not as much don't see such things. My husband said the problem is that I'm too smart. But I think every woman would feel if something going wrong. But still want to hope I'm wrong.
Last night he woke up 1.30 and said he need to go out to DVD shop because it works only late hours. I was nervouse because before that he had phone message. He said I'm crazy and suspiciouse and he dose not have to tell why he needs to go to that shop so late. I don't know what time he came back because I was too tired and fall asleep. Today he called me from work and said he wilk come back late because after work he wants to meet friends . Now it is midnight he is still out. I don't know even if is just friends and it was just a shop last night is it normally???
Well I'm Ukrainian and in my culture there are no such things like going out late without spose. And my H is malaysian But here also there are no such things like this. Yes a lot of eating places are open night time a lot of shops. But I saw married men and talked to them ... Once in while and not 1-3 am ... would be ok I don't know what is wrong with my H or with me

Stran, you can see with your own eyes what is happening here. You have to decide what to do about it.

Are you stuck in the house? Why don't you just follow him?

She cannot leave the house, she cannot drive, she doesn't have own money or card (my guess)!
Worth of it, she doesn't have legal paper, like Green Card to leave this man. He can do whatever he wants, and she cannot even divorce him!
Stan check www.russianwomenabroad.com
There are many women from foreign country, who can help you with some advise or provide drive at least. Leave him now, if you can, it will be only worse.

actually...while i have no idea if ANYONE on this forum is who they say they are - I can say that stran's story isn't so far fetched.

I was hired about a year ago to do some data recovery on a computer hard drive. The hard drive formerly belonged to an exemployee, and there was some concern to his business activities before leaving the company.

I didn't uncover anything untoward in his business activities.

What I did uncover was a man who constantly was in contact with exactly the type of women and situations described above. Not to mention massive amounts of porn also were to be found.

This man was married with 2 small children. I attended a Christmas party at this man's home before he left the company. It was a beautiful home, beautiful children, and a wife who was a bit overweight but otherwise beautiful.

I am not sure when this guy actually found time to be with his wife long enough to have 2 children....thats how bad the stuff was that I uncovered.

stran - I have some wonderful Ukrainian friends in Kiev. A beautiful people and culture.

Please allow me to ask, how did you and your H get together? It may help our understanding.

WAT

I can't follow him because he dose not want me to follow. And yes I can't drive. I don't know if I can divorse him. I did not check yet. But I can leave the country if I have enough money. Actually he told me "I'm not cruel if you really want to go tell me" But every time I tell him he say I'm treatening him and every time I tell him something he says I don't have proof and the problem I don't trust him.
I'm looking for job now. He dose not mind and even happy me to work.
He is in IT and I worked for IT company Our companies were partners

I think it is more than clear that he is cheating. But, you seem to want to have absolute proof.

I suggest you get a voice-activated tape recorder and hide it in his car (under the seat is the common place). Whenever he talks in the car, the recorder will go on, and you will hear HIS SIDE of the conversation.

I have never used one of these, but I'm sure somebody here could give you some information that might be helpful here.