Well it is 18 months since my W found out about my EA. We have had the ususal ups and downs, and I am assuming that this is just another one. We are not communicating again,she asks if I am having another A, and I think she is suffering from depression again.There is no intimacy, she says it is because I am not being romantic. I feel she is not appreciating what I do. She says she cant sleep, I say she needs to be in bed before 1am she is overtired. She has started comfort eating again, and when I suggested we go back to councelling she said it was too difficult to arrange a baby sitter( she doesnt like using friends for this as no one but us know) I am going to call the councellor this morning and if she doesnt want to go I will go by myself. This, apart from the affair and councelling bit are almost identicle to what happened for 3 years starting 5 years ago. I know it is probably just because I am feeling low but I do wonder if may be we are no longer suited and it is time to give in and move on.

Have you seen Chamba's post "Does your wife want you to be more romantic?" under emotional needs on 1/7? It is a very good description of what most women mean by being romantic. Are you doing these things?

Believer, thanks for the direction, I have had a look and will action what I am not already doing. I bought her a CD this morning, but I havent bought flowers for a while. I think I am pretty touchy feely type anyway. When we go shopping I usually hold her hand, and if we go for a walk I will always put my arm around her. When driving I have my hand on her thigh. Kissing is a problem though, I kiss every morning and evening, and when we part, even if I am just going down to the shops. A more intimate kiss takes two and she does not seem to respond in the way which would show that she is receptive so I dont push it. I will keep in mind the comments and words to use and see if that helps.

Regards

Good for you. And it's good that she has given you a clue that she needs more romance. Men always think that romance is deep kissing and what goes on in the bedroom, but most women need a different kind of romance. We need signs of affection that do not lead up to sex.

Many years ago when I came home from work my H had made a dinner, and packed it up and took me to the beach to eat and watch the sunset. I still remember that night.

Somehow after being married for a few years, all the things that a man used to do to show affection seem to disappear. I'm sure it goes the other way too, but I notice it more with men. I'm always telling the men I work with that they need to do more romantic things with their wives - they tend to say that they bring home the paycheck and are there everynight - that should be enough.

I would suggest going back and reading the EN section of the site and filling out the questionnaires again.

Remember...we don't get to judge whether we are meeting our spouses needs, they do!

If she says you aren't meeting hers, you aren't. If you tell her she's not meeting yours, she's not.

Our feelings and needs are OUR feelings and needs.

Once you start meeting each others needs it starts becoming alot of fun for both of you.

Have you read His Needs/Her Needs?

Well I gave her the CD, her response was just a "thanks and it was nice". I had a terrible day yestarday, as posted on Pregnant(not that I am). Anyway, today we went to the councellor, who was as good as ever. We havent been in almost a year and yet the councellor remembered us and had all the history. We discussed the lack of communication and sharing the parental load. My W cried a bit, more out of anger than sorrow. Unfortunatly we left the session and went on to discuss seperation and how our M wasnt working. She feels I have no respeact for her and I feel that she changes her mind so often I cannot keep up. She goes on about the changes she has made in her life, and seems to dismiss the changes I made. I know that I am responsible for the A, but dont feel that I am totally responsible for the breakdown of the M. I am back at thet point again where I feel the only reason I am in the same house is because I love my boys so much. My W wanted commitment from me, well I said fine, we discussed family and I never want another family. I only want my two sons, I want my wife and so I had a vasectomy. She says it was an excuse to go out and not worry. She could have more children if she wants, but I cant, I feel now that I am caged again. I fear she will return to our home country where she has family if we split. I cannot return as although I was born there, I do not have a passport for that country. It is not safe there, yet I know she will have no support here. Man this is difficult.

Whinging session over, thanks.