I recommend you wait.
It's a long way and the mail could get stuck/lost.
Where would you send it anyway?

I don't want to hear, but can me going to NC, therefore not caring about her vacation, be a LB?
Uh, yeah, but that is not really a problem. Plan B is a LB but that doesn't mean you should't do it just because it is a LB.

A LB is something you do to intentionally hurt someone or something you do without taking into account their feelings.
You are not doing Plan B to intentionally hurt her and you are takingher feelings into account but your feelings are more important because of the hurt she is causing you.

Chris:

I would email it to her. I know she'll be checking her email, so I'm sure she's gonna get it.

If I were to mail it, she gave me the name of the hotel she is staying at, so I could probably even fax it over there, but I am email would work.

You weren't thinking I should wait just because of the mail issue, were you?

You weren't thinking I should wait just because of the mail issue, were you?

Not really.
Also, it should be handwritten, not an email.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by assap6:
<strong> I hear you UN. I'd probably disagree with the fact that you don't get the freedom to date... why not? because legally you are still married? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, that's my feeling. If you want to see other women THAT badly, don't do it while still married. That may be one of the mistakes I made in my M. My W was still "legally married" when our relationship started. Thus, she was far from putting her first marriage behind her, no matter what she or her XH said or did.

Just a personal opinion here, but you sound like a much stronger man than to go out and get involved with someone while you're still married, no matter the involvement. It's hard to explain, but I just think there's too many reasons not to do that, most of all being pride. Don't do anything you wouldn't be proud of.

UN, thanks. My head and all of me knows that it's wrong, but then there are times when I just tell myself "the hell w/her. she is done and over with and we would've had the D paperwork done already if not for my status, so just pretend it's over and move on". Plus just like everyone else I have the needs and no one to meet them. anyway, I am still going back and forth and I appreciate your comments. they are very supportive of my own way of thinking but I have this Evil Taker that wants to come out and "go get somebody"...

what do you think about sending a letter? Should I wait?

Oh believe me, I understand that "Evil Taker". I'm sure a LOT of us do. It's just that there's a lot healthier things that you can do, especialy since you have this precious and innocent young daughter in your care. Spoil that baby girl ROTTEN if you have to! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Now I don't see anything wrong with "friendships". Guys and gals, hanging out, chatting, laughing, whatever. But there's a very distinct line there when it goes from "friendships" to "dating", and that's the one I wouldn't cross. And believe me when I say that I think about that too. I do plenty of "window shopping" when I'm out now, asking myself "which of these women would I be interested in?" But that's as far as I let it go. The fact is, there'll be plenty of time for that if/when I'm legally single again.

As for the letter, I think you should wait. I don't see how it'd do any good to send it while she's gone. It won't really change anything about what you do between now and when she gets back, will it?

Just wait until she gets home, whether it's to see how she feels after her trip, or to add to that "shock value". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> No, that's NOT the reason to do it. But it may still have that side effect. But you have to keep asking yourself...

"Why am I doing this?"

Check your motivations, and do things for the right reasons. Do things because you'll be proud of yourself. Do things because you know your daughter would be proud of you for it. Be the man that you'd like to read about and say "WOW! Now that's a real man!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

ok, I'll wait till she comes back. The only thing different I could do is maybe send her an email and see how the vacation is going.

The main thing for me is: do I sit down w/her to look at pictures, videos, talk about the vacation or not? I don't think I really want to, but then I kinda do to see if she had learned anything.

What do you think? Should I sit down and talk to her or should I go see her as soon as she is back with the NC letter?

bump for more opinions