My WH has said that he has no one to talk to.

He doesn't want to discuss this with any of our couple friends because he believes they think he is "evil."

He doesn't want to discuss this with anyone at work ... and I agree with him about that.

He doesn't want to discuss this with his brother or father.

He doesn't want to discuss this with a counselor.

The only one he has to discuss things with is OW. The husband part of one of our couple friends has said he would be willing to talk to him. He invited him out after her knew of the affair and my H chose not to discuss anything but the normal guy stuff. They invited us to their New Year's Eve party.

Any suggestions?

Sounds like your H might just be venting considering that there are plenty of people willing to listen to him.

Has your H done any reading on affairs and the dynamics behind them? If he hasn't I beleive it might do him good to do so because it will be an eye opening experience for him.

Hey there, TMCM! Glad to hear from you. I took a break for a while, but I'm back.

He hasn't done a lot of reading on affairs, but is getting ready to move out on Feb 1. I will send along some books for him to read. One book that I gave him excerpts of was "Triangles." It is very statistical. He's a type A, so it made sense to him. Unfortunately, he was head-over-heels already and not able to absorb it. It think he is a little more "down to earth" now, and it may mean more.

Wish us well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sorry to hear he is moving out.
There are plenty of people he can speak to other than the OW. Everyone knows that...I think he is being a "big baby"
H

People he can talk to? Heck, I'll talk to him and I'm sure plenty of others here would, too. What flavor of person does he want to talk to? BS? WS? OW? OM? Some combination of all those?

Personally, I suspect that if he were presented with ANY option, he would turn it down. It's not about having no one to talk to, it's about having no one who will validate his foggy and illogical thought processes. Sucks to be him. (Dear me, I'm in a snarly mood tonight. Must be the moon or something.)

Just J,
Sometimes it's a nice feeling to be in a 'snarly' mood and be able to admit it!
SBAB,
As for your H, I think that J is right. Your H doesn't really want to talk to anyone because if he did, look how many people are here. He could vent to any of us at any time.
Coming from the perspective of the WW, I am glad that I can come here to vent. Not to validate me feelings, but just to know that there are others out there like me and that I am not alone.

We will talk to him. Tell him to come here.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Stung by a Bee:
<strong> My WH has said that he has no one to talk to.

He doesn't want to discuss this with any of our couple friends because he believes they think he is "evil."

He doesn't want to discuss this with anyone at work ... and I agree with him about that.

He doesn't want to discuss this with his brother or father.

He doesn't want to discuss this with a counselor.

The only one he has to discuss things with is OW. The husband part of one of our couple friends has said he would be willing to talk to him. He invited him out after her knew of the affair and my H chose not to discuss anything but the normal guy stuff. They invited us to their New Year's Eve party.

Any suggestions? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He is testing your patience. Trying to make you think that he needs the OW. R U buying into this lousy excuse?

The sooner you lose your patience with him on these WS tantrums, the sooner you get better. MIne said he had no one to talk to either other than the OW. He did have options and he knew it. Against his better judgement, he talked with Steve. Quite relunctantly and said he was just going to listen and not say anything. Well we only had 1 visit and guess who hogged up all the time.

Tell him that right now he doesn't seem serious, he is being way to picky for someone in need. So you can only give him the options of on-line counseling w/Steve or a few Ws here from MB (whoever will volunteer). I can ask mine if you'd like. He has talked with MBers before. After all, he puts up with me - LOL!!!.

Then leave him be. Don't fret on his tantrums.

L.

Wow ... hadn't checked in all weekend and it was good to see the responses this am! Thanks for the input. I'll ask him if he's interested in talking to someone here. I've suggested counseling. Not necessarily with the Harleys, but with anyone. He's not interested in that.

Maybe after he moves out, he will feel safer to talk to someone. Maybe if I'm not around him he can open up to someone.

Keep you updated .........

SBAB when a WS wants to move out it usually means that he/she is still involved with the OP. How sure are you that the affair is truly over?

Give him Steve's # anyways or make an appointment for you to talk with Steve. There is some preliminaries to be done and he may be curious so he might stick around to find out. That is how my WS met Steve. Kicking and throwing a tantrum until we had our 4:30am appt. He got up, mumbled, I said I was doing it anway, he listened, then took over the entire time (45 out of 70 minutes - I think).

L.

TMCM, I don't think that the A is over. My guess is that he's still in contact with her via email, texting and celling.

A few weeks ago, he changed his password for the cell phone bill so I can't check that online anymore. Said he won't share the bills with me. That is what led me to ask for D in first place. He won't be accountable, so it would be impossible to know if he's still having A even if he says it has ended (which he hasn't).

Then I kind of changed my mind about D and thought ... take a breath, step back and just separate for a while.

So he has signed a lease and we'll live separately ... like we're divorced as far as sharing custody and contact. Then we'll BOTH be able to decide if we should still be married, or would be better off apart.

Even if your WH won't get counseling, get some for yourself, even if your WH won't read any of Steve Harley's books, especially Surving an Affair, read it yourself. The most important thing is for you to learn strategies to take care of yourself first, then your marriage during this time of upheaval.

Your husband is right about one thing, he doesn't want to talk to any couples because they would hurt his feelings. PLEASE read some of Dr. Harley's writing BEFORE your husband moves.

nita (that's my Mom's name!), I have read SAA, Fall in Love, Stay in Love, After the Affair, The Power of a Praying Wife, Triangles, started How to Survive you Husband's Midlife Crisis, and bits and pieces of many other books. Barnes & Noble loves me this year! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I plan to send some books with him when he moves. I copied many pages of Triangles for him, which he read. He may be more into reading this stuff if I'm not around him. He has also read some on this site. Don't think he posts, but he could log on at work and I don't know it's him on this board.

<small>[ January 19, 2004, 06:17 PM: Message edited by: Stung by a Bee ]</small>