</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by StillHereMakingIt:
<strong>When was the last time you complimented her mothering, and been specific? Does she hear more negative or positive from you?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'd say 50-50, I'm definitely not the type to overly criticize, although I may not be as forceful with my complimenting as I should be. Meeting her needs on that, in other words. Part of what she does that is a LB for me is that she accepts my compliments freely but when I criticize I am instantly the bad guy. I suppose that means I am LB'ing, but you can't have "criticizing me" as one of your LBs!! Geez. I know it has a lot to do with tone and the words used, but if you knew me you'd realize I am not a forceful argumentative person. I am rather gentle and probably too meek in such situations. This is about my W's lack of self-esteem about her abilities, in my estimation.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by StillHereMakingIt:
<strong>The addiction is something you will need to win over. Things that are addictive to you will need to be cut out of your life completely.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No doubt. I've already made definite plans and taken definite actions. The problem is, positive steps taken so quickly are never viewed as positive steps. The are viewed as "quick fixes" and "you're just doing this to get me back so you can go back to your old ways again"... Know what I mean? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Therefore, my original gameplan of separating and working on these alone is (in some respects unfortunately) still in place. I got an apartment yesterday and will move in next week. Now if we could only figure out the financing of the house...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by StillHereMakingIt:
<strong>You can work on the addiction. Try AA or SA. Read about LBs and ENs and begin to win your wife back by fulfilling her needs. Ask her what she's afraid of? Begin to work on reassuring her fears. Work on Care, Protection, Time, and Honesty. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks, SHMI... I can't believe this, but... In our calm talking through all this, I found - AND QUICKLY TOOK - the opportunity to introduce my W to the MB concepts. I gave her the EN survey I had filled out on my own a year ago, and explained to her that I wanted us to fill out and exchange the EN/LB surveys as a way of communicating to each other a year ago when we were struggling, but my W adamantly refused to consider MB. She didn't overwhelmingly respond to it, last night, but I did say to her that if we ever do get back together again, would she agree to do the surveys and try to give the MB concepts a look? She agreed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You can't imagine how much that meant to me! Thanks for the words of advice - trying to stay the course and remain strong and true.