Anyone else feel that way? That is how I feel since my husband has had an affair. It's been two months since I found out and I think I am getting more depressed.

Yes. I felt the same way. You came to the right place to get help.

Tell us your story.

Hmmmm. This is interesting. Is he still having the affair?

You know, when I first discovered my wife had an affair, I thought this was the worst thing ever!Honestly, I cannot even remember how I felt, I just know it crushed me. But, now that she has moved out...

I guess what I am saying is that in hindsight, if I were to live it all over again once I discovered my wife's affair I would not have behaved the way I did. Oh, I was crushed and hurt and depressed, by I acted upon it. Knowing what I know now I would have behaved differently. Now, the pain I experienced from learning of the affair is not even comparable to her not being at home. I think at that time I would have seriously implemented the principles here. With her living separately, they are having an never-ending affair, our children suffer, I am stressed by having to do it all, and I am left with images of the present.

My advice would be to read all you can here. It is bad now, your feelings are justified, but ask yourself, can it get any worse? Can your actions make it worse? Or, maybe it will get worse without you doing having done a thing. Prepare yourself. It can be a long ride. Just when you think it could not get any more painful...so ask yourself, is this the worst it can be? And if not, then start gearing yourself and try not to push, or better yet LB right now. If he had the affair chances are your funds in his love account are running pretty low already, don't go bankrupt. I don't know your situation, but if you have children and he moves out and neglects you and them, your pain will be increased, exponentially.

We don't have any kids. We've been married for almost sixteen years. He says that he has and seems to have ended all communication with her. He says he doesn't love her that he loves me. I really love him. Sometimes I don't know why. He was a pastor of a church and got involved with a girl in the church. Thinking of him kissing her, holding her, and having sex with her just kills me. It hurts so bad. I have nightmares about it. I can't sleep all night. I am very devastated.

I know the pain is awful. The images. The lies. Scenarios play over and over and over and over again in your mind. How could he? Why did he? Oh! The pain. Vent here and show him love, not ignoring the pain he's caused, but you don't want to push him away either. I think I pushed my wife away even further by harping on what she had done so much so that she couldn't take it anymore and ended up leaving to be with him, he who was caring, loving, and ready to receive her if she wanted. I know it hurts, oh do I know the pain, but you have your husband at home. He is still saying he loves you. I can only wish to hear my wife say those words to me again.

Thanks for the advice solon. I'm very sorry for what you have also been through. It's a tormenting pain. Do you ever wish you just could stop loving, stop caring?

I found out about my the EA my H was having shortly after it started in 10/03. That was devastating. Not as devastating as finding out about the PA in 11/03. That was bad, but not as bad as living with it going on under my nose now for almost 3 months and not knowing how it will end. I keep thinking it has to get better, that it can't get worse, but each time I think that, it gets even uglier. He's an alcoholic, too, so it's a completely different animal. Just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone. It doesn't make it any easier, though.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by VeryDevastated:
<strong> He was a pastor of a church and got involved with a girl in the church. Thinking of him kissing her, holding her, and having sex with her just kills me. It hurts so bad. I have nightmares about it. I can't sleep all night. I am very devastated. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">VD,I am so sorry you are here, I really am. But with proper care you can have a much better marriage than what you had before. This will get better, I promise you! A great book on the subject is Surviving an Affair by Harley.

Also, you say that he "was" a pastor of a church. Hopefully, he has left his position over this?

<small>[ January 27, 2004, 06:32 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

Thanks for all of the comments and advice.

Yes he did resign his position because of this and he says that he will never pastor a church again because he does not want to be in that position where he could hurt that many people ever again.