It's 2 hrs. before we go to the counselor. I'm anxious, and frightened as to whether this is a good thing before we get back together. Maybe I will say something wrong and he won't return to me, maybe I'll find out he still wants her. Maybe he will see that he doesn't love me at all and maybe he's coming back to me out of pity because I got sick.....Why am I doing this to myself. I just can't understand why he says he loves me and can go back to her and make me wait longer till he returns to me......Is that the kind of love I want and need...... He had said once that he doesn't know whether he can give me the love I need and sometimes I wonder if he is right........ I just don't feel this is fair that he is treating me this way.....I am very confused right now, I could have a good cry....I wish I could wake up and find that this mess has all been a dream, but its not.....What a way to have your life near your 60's end up. When you think you'll be content and happy the rest of your life, this happens.....

Oh, Lefty, how I feel for you!

Spilling your guts is a scary thing. I think it's positive that your husband *is* going to counseling with you, though. Many here are not so lucky.

Count your blessings (even if there are only a FEW) and STAY STRONG!

I'll be thinking of you. Please update us later as to how your session goes!

Good luck!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lefty:
<strong> It's 2 hrs. before we go to the counselor. I'm anxious, and frightened as to whether this is a good thing before we get back together. Maybe I will say something wrong and he won't return to me, maybe I'll find out he still wants her. Maybe he will see that he doesn't love me at all and maybe he's coming back to me out of pity because I got sick.....Why am I doing this to myself. I just can't understand why he says he loves me and can go back to her and make me wait longer till he returns to me......Is that the kind of love I want and need...... He had said once that he doesn't know whether he can give me the love I need and sometimes I wonder if he is right........ I just don't feel this is fair that he is treating me this way.....I am very confused right now, I could have a good cry....I wish I could wake up and find that this mess has all been a dream, but its not.....What a way to have your life near your 60's end up. When you think you'll be content and happy the rest of your life, this happens..... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I always wonder this about you Lefty:

Why aren't you *ANGRY* ????

What's with all this fear? Do you only do fear as a response, and never do anger?

Your constant fear might be a turn off for your husband.

Where the hell is your anger? Why aren't you MAD AS HELL? Your meakness while swallowing this disrespect from your WS is curious to me.

Why don't you feel worthy of respect?

When was the last time you blew a gasket?

Pep

<small>[ January 28, 2004, 03:25 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

The last time I blew a gasket was when I discovered a card from the O/W, he was trying to get rid of it and I caught him and I wrestled him just about to get it. Then I really gave it to him, I can't even believe I did what I did....So there, I do have anger in me but sometimes I don't feel that is the best solution for some things........Our session was great. Now just to wait until he gets out of her house and comes home...........And he said he will write the No contact letter to show me he means it this time.........And he showed emotion this time and said he missed me to the counselor. That meant alot to me..........My husband doesn't show too much emotion to anything, as a matter of fact, he is emotionless most of the time, but the counselor will help us work on what to do to make our marriage better, but only when he comes home to me, not when he is with her...........I'll keep you informed.......Hope my up stays up.......

Hi Lefty,
Did he agree to come home now, or is he still waiting for another month? If not now, did he tell you why? I'm glad it went well. Please take care - Dru

Hi-I said yesterday it went well. But you know what. After thinking about what was said, all seemed to be in his corner. He's done the damage and is out with her. Now he want to come back but yet he is making ME wait till March 2 or before to come back. That is when he has in his mind that he will be ready. I, for the life of me, can't believe a person can do this. He said that in June too, and when the going got rough he flew the coop to her coop. I saw his cell phone today and he called her on it, he said she says to call to see if she needs anything from the store. I am at the bottom tonight. Someone called me a wimp because of anger I'm not showing. Whoever it was is right. If I weren't a wimp and had more gusto and self-esteem, I think I would say stay there and let me get on with my life. The counselor said at least he said he is coming home, don't pressure him. He did say when he decides to come home to give him a call and he would like to have a session with him. I think its going to be a rough go of it. I hope my health can take it and I wonder if he's worth it. If he is still cold and unemotional like when he left I think I will scream. We are going to have to make some major changes.......Well, thanks for letting me vent again.....

Lefty I have a few thoughts.

First, did the counselor ask him why he must wait to March 2nd? That seems odd to me.

Second, is he continuing to see the counselor while away from home or was this a one shot deal?

My WW also tells me that she loves me, but she moved out so as to make the affair easier to pursue. What kind of nonsense is that? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I agree that at times you must get angry. Not raging out of control, but a rightous anger.

Like you I have tried to be calm in the face of my spouse's betrayal. In the name of Plan A I suppressed a lot of anger and I suppose that was the right thing to do.

But, she has moved out and is currently 'entertaining' the OM at her apartment. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> The next time I see her I will respectfully expose her to my rightous anger and let her know the harm she is doing to me, our child and our marriage. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

While it is good to remain calm and not throw gas on the fire, sometimes you just have to get angry so that the wayward spouse will know you mean business. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

That date was the date he set in his mind that he will be able to be threw with her and back to me totally. No = the counselor said when he is has returned to me or is returning to me then he wants to see him.