Hi

My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for about nine months now.Our relationship has definatly been the best of many long and hard relationships.We got together on equal terms and equal understandings which i think built us into a strong and loving couple.Ashely , my girlfriend has been the only girl who i have hoped to marry one day.because of this i thought i could come to a place like marriage builders for help and to ask a few questions.Thankyou

Ashley has been on a "holiday" since the beggining of december and her and I have been spenig alot of time together.And when we had time apart I sometimes felt she was forgetting me or trying to "enjoy her youth" without me been around.I though I might have been holding her back from this... I was afraid she might do something with another guy.But after lots of talking and tension she explained to me that this ws not true.Any way to get to the real matter....
She started a job four weeks ago which she would work until her university opened up again, which has now opend today.She has left the job and gone to study.The company she worked for had just launched a online dating service when she started and she thaught it would be intersting to go along with it.I have since found out that she did a bit more than "go along with it".I decided after a week to chat on the site because i thougt it would be a free way for us to communicate while we were at work.I also met some people she had been communicatng with in this time.

Anyway. Ashley then proceeded to have two very very intimate and "raunchy" oonline sessions with one of the guys on a private line.A guy that i had spoken to and he knew that she was my girlfriend.She muddled up and wrote one of the "raunchy" lines in the genral chat room.I didnt see it because i wasnt online at the time.Luck for her.But her behaviour that evening when shecame to visit was strange and i knew something was up.Turns out she though that i may have seen it.but it turned out i didnt so she went to work the next day and did again.WE had a "truth" session(not a regular thing) on friday night and she spilled the beans.She said she was turned on by it and that she did it because i was trying to put her in a box(figuratively).I said that i would like to break up with her because i feel that online infidelity is worse in saome ways to in real life because there is no physical temptation involved. and it is all predetermaned.I though about , phoned my mom and then agreed to continue the relationship because i realised that exept for this incident , i felt she was the girl of my dreams..Im finding it hard to forgive her though..And hard to be too close to her.I cant make love her and i feel a little sick when get too intimate with her now.Whenver i kiss her all i can think of is one of the things told me that she said to this guy on the chat site.She says im punishing myself by "going on about it" but i feel a need to find answers to these questions. She has apologised , and i think she does feel real remorse.She also indicated that she does want to continue with the relationship and one day hopefully get married.

What to do??
Why do yu think she did it?
Your views on what she did?
HOw do I get over it, and love her like I used to??

Thankyou for taking your time out to help me.

REgards
Clayton

Welcome to the boards clay. I hope others will be able to offer some good advice on this, I don't think I am the best one to answer this. The boards are slow on the weekends, so hang in there.

I do understand you feel betrayed and hurt, that is very understandable. It will take some time and open communication to regain the lost trust. Tell her honestly your feelings about this. It is possible that she is not ready for as serious a relationship as you are, and definitely do not think she is ready for marriage.

I am sorry for what has brought you here. I am sure others will post with great advice.