I am married with a young daughter and a husband that loves me with all his heart. We are both in the military and remain seperated due to deployments and seperate duty stations. This is very difficult for a new marraige (15 months). Recently, problems between us and an attraction to a man I work with had me contemplating things I shouldnt. This past weekend I found myself at a party thrown by co-workers and being very intoxicated , I ended up having wild drunken sex with one of my co-workers. Now, I have a horrible guilt that makes me wonder if I am worthy of being with my husband at all. To tell him would ruin our marraige and devastate him horribly as well as our families who are very close. I am trying to find a way to deal with this guilt without telling him anything. The only good thing to come of this is that I am no longer contemplating an affair with the gentleman I had found myself attracted to. I just want to find a way to deal with this and put it behind me. Any advice would be helpful.

Hello,

This is just my suggestion but you owe it to your husband to be honest with him. Either your marriage is based on honesty or it is not. Your husband should have the opportunity to decide how he wishes to recover in the marriage by having all of the facts. If you respect your husband then you will be honest and upfront with him. Otherwise you are still disrespecting him by keeping this information from him.

I would suggest that you have yourself checked and determine if you have a drinking problem. It is a very sad story that you have been married for such a short time. There are consequences to actions. I think keeping this from your husband will be very destructive in the long run to your marriage. You need to be mature and honest with your husband and show your remorse so you both can deal with this together or otherwise your entire marriage will be based on a foundation of lies. A lie of omission of this magnitude is a lie. Your husband has a right to know and I think you realize this. I wish you the best. I hope you seek immediate counseling to deal with your problems.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Cnfsed91W:
<strong> I am trying to find a way to deal with this guilt without telling him anything. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is not possible according to MarriageBuilders principles. You will have to do this the hard way: confess. Then begin counseling right away.

Keep reading the posts here for advice & support.

Best of luck to you!!!

Cnfsd91W,

Since you're in the military, please take advantage of the extraordinary resources that are available to you. Start with your chaplain or your head NCO (assuming you're enlisted; if you're an officer, go to your CO). You need the help and support of your community, and you're very lucky to have a community that is -built- on that kind of support.

And yes, it's important that you be honest with your husband. This is an incredibly painful honesty that you are about to face. It is also one of the most important things you'll ever do. No matter how it comes out, this honesty will define you for the rest of your life.

Oh, and if 91W is your MOS, then you will also have a good familiarity with the health care and counseling options that are available to you. I'd still start with the chaplain and CSM, though.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Cnfsed91W:
<strong> I ended up having wild drunken sex with one of my co-workers. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You need to seriously take a look at why you got yourself so intoxicated that you had wild sex with a coworker. Is this the example you wish to set for your daughter?

You also need to be tested for STD's.