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#1112673 02/19/04 09:27 PM
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Dear old friend,

I have always thought JL was a very wise man. I really can't say anything that he has not all ready said.

However, one line you wrote caught my attention, you want to be able to think you did all you could. YOU HAVE!!!!!!! and more......

As some one who held on way to long, and no my D is still not final; sometimes you can do more harm than good by staying. I did. I was so sure I was doing the right thing by standing for my marriage even when I knew he was still in contact with the OW. I think I was wrong..

But you have to do what you feel like is right for you......

#1112674 02/20/04 06:46 AM
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ark^^
I read and reread what you said…interesting indeed…

You are right ark^^. It is a scary thought that I will allow my willingness to turn around and make me a bad guy. Maybe, I’m the one who needs help, who needs to see reality, and who needs to wake up.

I’m beginning to see that it is her who chooses to be sick, to get stuck, and to live the past. She chooses not to give, not to love, and not to desire.

Then again, I NEED to examine my own head to see why I’m still trying to help this dying breathless dinosaur to get better.

#1112675 02/20/04 08:49 AM
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OOOO,
As you know I hung on a long time to a relationship that was not getting better too. I think the only way our marriage would have ended was for me to end it, as I finally did. He was not able to do it.

The only way I was able to end it was to go to counseling myself, to forget about the marriage for a time and really just focus on me. I was truely stuck when it came to the marriage, stuck feeling I should and could repair it if I just worked harder or better or changed this way or that.

When I really looked at me, my fears, my poor opinion of myself and what I desearved, my feelings of being unloveable and worthless, I was finally able to look at what the marriage was and was not giving me, and to deceide I would be better off without living with someone who was not willing to do anything to improve things.

And a year later, I still have some regrets, but overall ending the marriage was for the best and has allowed me to continue to feel better about my life and myself, to have some hope for the future.

Good luck

#1112676 02/21/04 12:51 AM
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Thank you sing and Lora for your reply.

I'm glad to hear from both of you (my old friends).

Anyway, I will have a talk with my wife tonight or this weekend. But, then again, what am I supposed to talk to her about other than let her know that we will proceed with divorce now (not in two years) unless she completely turns around and go to the counselor with me.

Any advice of what I should prepare myself for tonight would be appreciated.

#1112677 02/20/04 07:06 PM
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OOOO,

I hate to see that you are still in the same ol' siuation.
I was going to ask you what your Plan B is like, but after reading her letter to you, I'd have to agree that Plan D sounds like a better plan.

Her letter attempts to shift blame to you. She thinks you haven't forgiven her? Seriously? That comment is so transparent.

Do you really think that telling her you are going to get a divorce unless she gets some counseling is going to work? Haven't we been down this road more than once? My bet is that she will throw you a crumb or two as she always does and then expect you to fall back in line. She has a plan and marital recovery is not part of it. She wants you to support her so that she can leave you in two years, educated and with earning power. She's counting on your desire to have a healthy marriage to get her to her goal.

I always held out a glimmer of hope that she would come around. I don't think so anymore. I think she's abusing you at this point. Using your daughters as an excuse not to get a D, is just low. She doesn't care what they think. Look at what she has been teaching them about marriage......

You deserve to be happy.
I'd support you no matter what you decide.

cleo

#1112678 02/20/04 07:23 PM
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Thank you Cleopatra for stopping by.

You are right. I agree with what you see. I don’t think my wife would ever change. I said what I said about unless she sees a counselor just to make me get going and for a moment stop my sadness. I know it was just a dream.

Heck with my wife. I have all of you ladies out there to be here for me. I love you all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> You too JL, worthatry, and many others. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> (Oops, I shouldn’t say that now a day).

We will see. Divorce might bring happiness into my life. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

#1112679 02/20/04 07:34 PM
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OK, fella. How 'bout the next time JL comes to town we drag you out?

You up for this, JL? Maybe you can help me shame OOOO into a beer. How do we know he's not making all of this up?

#1112680 02/20/04 07:35 PM
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OOOoo

why the talk this weekend...
why not get your self in counselling....to strengthen your approach, resolve...and line up those duckies...

ARK

#1112681 02/20/04 08:59 PM
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And about sex... no sex after divorce is better then no sex in a marriage... at least it feels like a choice instead of a total rejection of who you are and what you are offering by the person who is supposed to love you.

#1112682 02/22/04 11:15 AM
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Just wondering how things are going?

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