Well, 2 nights ago I had an appointment with a new gynecologist because I was too embarassed to go back to my regular one to have a thorough STD screening and bloodwork.

I have never been so humiliated and felt so degraded in my life. The doctor was wonderful. He knew what to ask and how to ask in a gentle, caring tone.

He took swabs for lots of STDs and then I had the bloodwork for HIV/AIDS, hepatitis, herpes simplex 2 and everything else bloodwork can show.

Apparently, I have some sort of infection that he prescribed an antibiotic cream for. He told me not to have sexual intercourse during this treatment and until he has the results of all of my tests which will come over the next 2 weeks.

I pick up the prescription last night and use it this morning. I was reading the literature enclosed in the box and it said something about your sexual partner needing to be treated. Lovely.

So, tonight I sent a text message to my husband's cell phone asking him to please call me over a medical concern. No response. He told me Sunday not to call him or come to our home or his place of employment. So, I sent another text message which was more detailed. I told him to please go see Dr. So&So tomorrow morning for a complete STD screening and bloodwork, and to also test for herpes simplex 2 (my doctor made sure to test me for that because he said sometimes one spouse is the carrier and won't become infected). I messaged him to please let me know of the results and to also please abstain from sexual intercourse until he has the results of his tests.
I also told him to please do it for the sake of his health. I then thanked him and said God bless.

That was at 7:30pm. I haven't heard from him about it. I guess I expected for him to call and ask the specifics. After all, if I have something, God forbid, I got it from him. Lovely.

I am so mad and so upset right now. I have been faithful since I met him in 1992. Here I am, a 35 year old faithdul wife, and I am like some skank in the ghetto free clinic getting STD tests.

This isn't happening to me.

Also, if he does go for the testing, I feel that as his wife I am entitled to the results in writing from the doctor's office or lab. I cannot just take his word for what his results are. I took his word that he would love me, cherish me and forsake all others. He obviously has no problem with lying.

Does anyone know the rules on what medical records a spouse is entitled to?

I do know that the new health privacy laws pretty much prohibit even spouses from each others records unless the spouse consents.

I know this doesn't make you feel any better, but at least I can sympathize with how you feel. I've been there. I just had my annual exam, and felt the need to admit my WH's unfaithfulness. They ran the whole series of tests on me as well--same as you. I was very fortunate that all did come back except for a yeast infection which I can't blame on him, but I was prepared for anything. It is hard to deal with, especially when YOU'VE been the faithful one. But you did the right thing getting tested. Make sure nothing goes on with you and him unless you have positive proof that he's been tested and treated, too.

ICouldNotAskForMore,

Sorry to hear about you having to get the STD stuff done.

I remember having to do the same thing and it was very humiliating. To think that the person you thought you loved could be so reckless in putting your life at risk was a tough thought for me to deal with. To me it just showed how much she didn't really care for me.

She said she used protection, but how can you believe someone that has lied to you for so long about something so big?

I had given my WW my wedding ring back and when I got my testing done, the lady asked me if I was getting M because people who usually get the testing done are those about to get M. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Which reminds me, I have to go back for the 6 month retesting to be sure.

I did get an STD from my WH and he still has not taken care of it! WH also said he used protection but OW told me he did not....

As far as health records and info on your WH, nope, can't get it w/the new HIPPA laws.

I would just ask him to send you a copy of the results from the lab and/or doctor so you know he is telling the truth.

My WH said he did get tested for HIV. I happened to find the results of his lab work which was for liver panel and cholesterol and he did NOT get tested for HIV and hasn't since. It is now a year later...

I guess "he's" too embarrassed and I'm the one stuck feeling like a dumb a**. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I just reread my original post and it reads as if I went to the ghetto free clinic for STD testing. I did not. It's just that I feel like a dirtball that I, this pretty normal, loving, trusting, faithful wife has to go ask for these tests.

It is now 11:27am and I still haven't heard from him. Isn't he worried about his health or my health? Maybe he just doesn't care. I don't know.

I am sitting at my desk at work and looking at his pictures. I am tempted to take them down because then I look at his eyes, all I can think of is YOU LIED TO ME AND YOU BROKE OUR SACRED WEDDING VOWS. This man waited 8 years to propose to me, then treats me like this. WTF?

I forgot to add that he is still, to this day, denying to me that he had sexual intercourse with the slut he was cheating on me with.

I begged him last Sunday to please just tell me the truth and he said it doesn't matter. I've spoke to the OW and she told me about all of the times they did have intercourse and other ways of bring intimate. She is now pregnant and I just don't know if it is my husband's or her fiance. The time frame is only a week or two from their last time together and when she thinks it could've happened.

On December 22, 2003, she said she was 7 weeks pregnant. Can someone tell me when the possible conception dates could be? I went online and it falls between October 15-23, 2003. But, I am just not sure.

Thanks in advance.

Sorry to hear you're having to do this, ICNAFM.

I remember when my ex-H cheated the first time, I went to the clinic as opposed to my Gyno due to embarrassment. I asked for the whole array of tests, including AIDS. The clinician told me because my then-H was straight and not a drug user that it was unnecessary testing.

I went through the ROOF!!!

I not only blasted him, but asked to speak with his boss as well. I was so livid, and appalled that they were so clueless. ot to mention how many folks they had probably shared that BAD information with.

As my story turns out, my H has shared several STDs with me from his many betrayals. One which was responsible for my bout with cervical cancer.

You are doing the wise thing. And I venture to guess your H isn't responding back to your text-messages because he feels a degree of shame himself. Give him some time to process it. It's not something most people take lightly.

God Bless,
Jo

ICNAFM-

Sorry you're having to deal with all this, I know too well the humiliation a BS is forced to endure. I noticed in your Bio line that you left your home even though he's the WS. Hopefully you've spoken with a attorney about this as you don't want to lose rights to your equity in the house through perceived abandonment, etc. Hopefully this is not a issue for you. Good luck and god bless.....

You can have access to his medical records IF he signs a release to be kept in his chart stating that you have his permission to view them. He can revoke that at any time he wishes. He can request this form while he's at the office or he can talk to their medical records staff to fill one out. Call the medical records section at the hospital for more details. They may still be accepting a letter of permission signed by him, but I'm not certain of that.

If you want copies, there's usually a fee for that.

Dobie
(former Medical Records Secretary)

Thank you all for your replies.

I called him on his cell phone while I was driving home from work and of course he didn't answer. I left him a heartfelt message to please, please go get checked because I have something wrong and they don't know what it is yet.

My biggest fear with this is that I will have something that will ruin my chance (really final chances) to have children. I am sick with the thought of what I could have going on inside of me. If it was me out screwing around, I would think I would've deserved it. Not innocently making love with my husband.

I dropped "the nuke" with his family on Sunday night when I found out he told his mom that I didn't want to have children and he did - one of the reasons for him wanting to separate. It was the total opposite situation. We were trying to get pregnant before his affair and then changed his mind, blaming one of his friends with a miserable marriage and high maintenance children.

I told his parents of his extramarital affair and who it was with. They were shocked. I also told them she is pregnant and the timeline is so close that I am wondering if it is my husband's baby. I also told his brother that night, too. he flipped the freak out that his "business was on the street". Funny, he didn't care that my family heard everything from my brother that he works with and the humiliation I am suffering with them. I haven't even talked to them since October since I am so ashamed at what my "perfect marriage" has become with his affair.

I really need a shoulder to cry on and a good friend to talk to, but I do not have anyone that I completely trust, so coming here to post anonymously helps, I guess.

My best girlfriend is having an affair with a married man for 4 years and I can't stand to hear about it because of what I've been going through. They just snuck away to Florida for a week and it still makes me nauseous that my husband snuck around like that, too.

Ugh! It's going to be a long weekend!

In response to me moving out of the house - No, I didn't want to. I begged and pleaded to stay in my home. The home I picked out, decorated and fixed up with all of my heart and soul and dreams. Dreams that we would see our children grow and have grandchildren come there one day.

He bought the house in his name in 1998 and then when we refinanced last summer, I had to be added to the deed since I am his wife. I also paid my husband almost half of the mortgage every month since I moved in 11 months before our wedding day. Luckily, I gave him a check every month and I have all of them proving I contributed to the home.

I haven't talked to an attorney yet. I do not want this separation or divorce and I do not want to pursue anything of that nature. In my state, we need to be living apart for 18 months before someone can file if there isn't adultery, jail, abuse, etc. I could file today since he committed adultery, but I will not.

He has been giving me $400 a month since he kicked me out to help with my rent that is now more than our mortgage payment is.

A friend told me to go to his lawyer who handled his divorce to at least get her out of my husband's picking when he looks for one. She is the bulldog of our county and I hear people shudder when they hear who has her representing them. But, as pissed as I am at him for hurting me in the worst way, I don't want to make him go broke with legal fees and have to sell our home to give me half. Our darling kitty is buried in the backyard and I swore I would never leave him. Also, my living kitty is supposed to go nect to him one day. They were best buddies. :-)

I have such a sentimental attachment to this place because we've had so many happy memories and sad memories there. Everything that makes a house a home.

Sorry for my rambling, I am just so lost and confused. I love and miss my husband. I just want him back. I want him to love me again. I want him to tell me the truth.

TTT

About possible conception dates. Don't dwell on it too much at this time. It's possible that she's pregnant and it's his. It's also very possible that she's lying about being pregnant, lying about how far along she is, or the baby isn't your H's. Nothing you can do about it, so focus on the things you can do something about. Deal with it when the truth is certain.