My W came home from her new job yesterday and told me about a woman who was into astrology. W also subscribes to this. After ascertaining W's sign and my sign she said to W are you going through a divorce or seperation. While I'm not so much into astrology it just made me realize just how many areas of our lives this nonsense is affecting. If a total stranger could see what W and I our going through I can only imagine what friends, family and most importantly children see. While the fantasy must be intoxicating the reality is brutal. If I end up not ultimately leaving W will get such a dose of reality when she tries to explain to people I don't know what happened he seemed so happy. Anyone remotely close to her is going to scream; "I know what happened". She just has no idea how poorly I've kept the lid on this A. When she drinks and makes comments about OM she fails to notice the contortion of my face but it is not lost on family. She was bragging to friends about how wonderful the Pool team is to a friend of ours and I responded without hesitation "you'll never meet them" to which he replied "I understand". His W also had an A so I know he understands. Reminds me of this saying "for those who understand no explaination is necessary and for those who done't, none will suffice".

I now see IC and council with Harley and read relationship books and spend hours spilling into years on this website. The cost.

WOE

That is a great quote about explanations. I don't know how you handle her being on the same pool team. I think I would have to either join the team or go watch every game they play.

Joining the team or going to watch won't end the affair. I tried for years to also be friends with the woman and then women that my H turned into his female "best friends" (really, they were EAs, evident in that one went PA almost immediately at the time of our separation). Being in the face of the OP doesn't matter. They are so self-serving and unconcerned about your feelings, that seeing you present as the true spouse doesn't do anything to dissuade them.

woe - I am guessing you are still in plan A? How long have you been?

Jen

Stung, actually the reverse is true. I pray to God I don't have to be in this guys company. Why?
Because it requires me to play the fool in order to protect W's reputation. I could end this immediately by simply telling the man I know. He would crawl back under his rock. He's bragged about being with 10 married woman. He's a real gem. Jen is correct it actually feeds the A if I play along. I have studied that carefully and my attendance gives credibility to the whole relationship. Look people I have this special friend and husband loves him too. By withdrawaling it actually puts more pressure on W. Just like Jen said about befriending the OW in her situation.

Jen; how long have I been in Plan A? Too long and it has rendered it totally ineffective. Last week, W left pool at midnight and got home at 1:30. She explained that it ran late. I said no need to explain and went to sleep. Next day, cell phone revealed that she had exchanged phone calls with OM at 12:13AM. I confronted her with this in a nice way and simply said it hurts me. She said "I know" in an almost apologetic way and then changed the subject. I have been playing along for 2 years. That's how long ago she confessed to ONS. I thought I could get past it but it knaws at me like a cancer. But there are other things. She's not there mentally, no affection etc. She's still in love with OM. Conversely he wouldn't come to her funeral if it was cloudy out. I really believe that. Anyway I'm counseling with Steve and feel pretty good about that. I am proud of my efforts even though I realize they may have been misguided. I have showed W how far I am willing to go. How many man could subject themselves to this kind of torture (meaning the playing the fool part).