Man this board is getting hit hard with hard knocks...


my favorite quote...??

MY favorite quote...

not some sappy sloppy piece of roses, and sweet endings...

not for me..
but you pretty much could have figured that out.

picture the opening of the television show CHEERS...

Norm lumbers in to his honorary stool..
the crowd does as it always does and yells NORM!!

and Norm answers them with...

"Look guys,..
it's a dog eat dog world out there...
and I"m wearing milk bone underwear...."

That's my quote....


AND in wanting to say s o m e t h i n g to you all...
AND having said this below once..and felt that it is pretty close to what I want to say..
AND
feeling like my only other option was to search neil diamond songs for some catchy sappy tune...
which isn't really a very a good idea..

I'm bumping this up......
cause I think it's true....


I'm calling out the betrayed spouses...
I'm calling you out because even in the midst of all this pain and chaos...and bewilderment of how you got to this place you may be in right now...

even in all of that I am calling you out...

to step outside of all of this and spend some time re-affirming and acknowledging yourselves...

and stretching your muscles and feeling them tense and release...
filling your lungs with air and holding in deeply...
and letting the sun shine a little on your face...and feeling again the top of your head getting warm from it's touch...

because no matter what your spouse does does not do has done has not done...is or is not...

and even more importantly no matter what you believe to be true about the other person...how perfect you believe they were...or how charming and interesting or whatever else you apply to them...they can not impact or change the right you have to be here on this earth....

AND not in some Saturday Night live feel good sketch with Mike Myers...looking in the mirror...spewing silly affirmations....

Do not make the burden that has been laid at your feet harder or heavier by taking on with it self loathing....
there is nothing you did or didn't do that begets infidelity....

not even gravity... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

redefine here and now what it is that is worthy of you and worthy of your spouse....

decide boundaries for yourself and learn to know what you will and can tolerate in your world...and speak your peace softly and clearly...

define yourself...
not you through your spouse...
not you through your children

you through you....

for if you want to be happy in life...no matter who is or is not at your side...you have to like yourself first...and you have to believe in yourself first...

people who end up or are happily married are so based on self actualization and their own autonomy...
not through acting and attempting to meet needs of others while attaching strings and expectations to their giving and doing...

when one is at peace with themselves...it is then that they can live each day as a celebration...

I implore you all to spend time praying...and even look at what is you pray for...
seek Gods wisdom and Grace...
seek peace from with in you...
give yourself empty time to feel Gods love flowing inside of you.. go quiet and go deeper beyond the pain that has become familiar to you...and seek God's love that is there as well...

the pain and the negative thoughts will too soon become known and even comfortable to you in a twisted way....

If you are feeling lost...break the cycle...and seek your worth ..from within..

no spouse
no other person
no one can take that from you..
unless you let them...

ARK

<small>[ August 31, 2004, 03:07 PM: Message edited by: ark^^ ]</small>

Thanks so much Ark for this...this just reaffirms how I am feeling today...strong...it is folks like you on this board that help me get through each day <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks ARK

I am having the worst life ever. I needed that. I will print that out and read it to myself. WH is pretty much living with OW now. Everyone see's his car there, it just makes me want to puke. I am seriously considering D now. I can't take it anymore.

I am worth more than the way he is making me feel. I am alive and I will survive this.

NY

Ark, thanks for your encouragement. This is all we need.

Good post Ark. I'm headed that way, but keep getting dragged back into the muck.

WH is pretty much living with OW now. Everyone see's his car there,

yeah well that's no big surprize is it??

that is the only place on earth where he can hide from actions....and find someone who accepts all that creepy behavior...

yet that place that they are at...is not something to be jealous of...
it is a place of two people playing the biggest game of makebelieve and pretend...and deep down they both know it...

and I am not saying they aren't rationalizing..and aren't at times convincing themselves that it is the "best" and all good...
but deep deep down there is a lot of pain...

people that sell out their own children for thier own feel good moments are so lost.....

houses built of false foundations will not stand...they are forever looking over their shoulders and forever avoiding eyecontact..because exactly what they don't like about themselves...is what is staring right back at them...

ark

ARK....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">houses built of false foundations will not stand...they are forever looking over their shoulders and forever avoiding eyecontact..because exactly what they don't like about themselves...is what is staring right back at them...
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So true <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

ARK,

You know you are right! Their relationship has no foundation at all. It is made of air. It won't be long before it collapses. He is so lost and so depressed with himself, she is the only person that is truly impressed with him. I wonder how long it will be before GOD and WH come together and tumble down. He is going to church every other Sun. so this is bothering him quite a bit. He wouldn't even go to church with me as a family. I do believe that it will end, it is when it will end that is killing me. Thanks for your post, I needed it and I need everyone here to keep me sane, and yes sometimes even alive.

NY

Good post ark^^

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ark^^:
<strong>and feeling again the top of your head getting warm from it's touch...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This part's easy for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WAT

Great post ARK. I loved your response to HopefulinNY, so true!

I'm just trying to stake my claim at belonging on this forum <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I'm feeling pretty ignored here.

TML

Dont feel ignored. Just post. Sometimes I post and no one replies. That is okay as long as I get to say what I need to say. You should call out to Believer, she is the welcoming committee on this site. She is a breath of fresh air and a wonderful insiteful person on WS. Welcome to MB, sorry to see you have to be here. But welcome anyway.

NY

thanks. Yes, believer was the first person to reply to me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I surfed quite a bit before deciding that this site was where I needed to be. My marriage is one that almost everyone would have given up on long ago and this is the first pro marriage site I've found. What really impressed me though were some of the WS who have ended their affairs and been lifted out of the fog. Their insight into what the US is thinking has been very interesting.

toomanylies -

You are a member here. So don't worry about how many posts you get in reply. Heck, when I first got here, I posted to myself. It all depends on the time and day you post.

We try to be here for each person, but sometimes it is hard. So be the sqeaky wheel. Just keep on posting. Sooner or later, someone will see you and answer.

toomanylies...POST POST and POST some more. Go back and find your thread and post some more in it...People WILL reply to you...Just keep on posting..This site is a saviour!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I implore you all to spend time praying...and even look at what is you pray for...
seek Gods wisdom and Grace...
seek peace from with in you...
give yourself empty time to feel Gods love flowing inside of you.. go quiet and go deeper beyond the pain that has become familiar to you...and seek God's love that is there as well...
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you so much ARK!! I put my faith in God's hands and handed all my problems over to him...4 days later my WH was back home with us! God does miraculous things if you just put your trust in him. Let go of all of your burdens and let God handle them for you. Just let him do all the work. That is what He is here for. He does not want to see you in pain, so why not hand your problems over to Him and see what happens. Forget about WS and let God handle it from now on. It worked for me, who knows it might just work for you too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

thanks believer and momto3boys, I'll go back and pull up the original posts and try again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

momto3boys, I've been reading the posings from you and your H. It's heartwarming to see how deep your UNCONDITIONAL love for him is. I know how difficult it is to be understanding of their pain when we are in so much of our own. It has to be hard to listen to his struggles to get over her and be understanding of it all. You are an amazing woman! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Man I needed this today. I am just crying my eyes out right now. And it actually feels good in a sick, messed up way...because I have not cried about this for weeks, and I am the last one to bottle up emotions. Every word of you post just pierced my heart to the core. I can identify and want so badly to feel and live everything you are saying.

I did lose myself in all of this. And I had a good self. Now the trick is to reclaim it somehow and then have a better self.

Thank you.

ark- I feel better already. I put your post on my refrigerator.

We get so absorbed in this, that we forget about taking care of ourselves.

Ark, thanks for your inspiration. It is so easy to get bogged down in the WSs total confusion that we can begin to lose ourselves. My H was a spiritual person, and now I see how disconnected he feels from that part of himself. You can't walk with God when you are living a life without integrity. Early this morning I asked him if he thought or has turned his life and his problems over to God. He said he hadn't. I told him I had to do that a long time ago, and I encouraged him to do the same. Sometimes it is the only thing we can do. Thanks again! CV

Thank you, thank you ark! What a wonderful post. I am reaching that place you speak of slowly but surely. I will be so sad if my H leaves me, but I know I will be okay. I know if he doesn't choose me, I will be a wonderful catch for someone else one day. I get stronger each day with God's help and with all my friends here at MB.

Thank you again. Your words are inspiration.

Ark,
Your post did wonders for me today. I did all of the negative things that you mentioned for three years now. I've only recently started to take steps to like myself again. Realizing that I will never be 10 years younger (like the OW) or probably as attractive as she is to men. However, I do have so many things going for me that she will never have. I'm finally starting to move forward in my life. If my husband is with me, great. If not, the world will not stop turning.

Renee