This is my first time here and I desperately need advice from someone, anyone as to what to do. My DDay was 14 months ago. The man I love with all my heart and who I believed loved me truly and deeply left me for a bar slut. We were together 13 yrs. and been through some tough times but always managed come out stronger together.
How do you fall out of love and in love with someone else in 3 days? Is it possible?
Here goes my story. When I found out about OW my SO told me he was sorry and still loved me and wanted to work things out. OW kept showing up and never left him alone. Told him we should work things out but was never gone. She's married and has 2 kids. Then 2 weeks after I found out she moves in with him. Well, about 2 weeks after that WS tells her it's over and 2 days later she's pregnant. Then he tells me he has to stay with her. A month later he goes to jail because they get into a fight and she tells them he started it and then cries because he's gone. We never faught like that at all. Well, he goes to jail for 6 months, and meanwhile she misscarries and blames me. I avoided her like the plague she is. I didn't see him for those 6 mos.. When he gets out he moves back in with her. Then we reestablished contact and he told me he still loved me and wanted me back. OW said whatever made him happy. Then low and behold she's pregnant again. Told him if he leaves he'll never see his f***** kid again. Now he says he won't get a DNA test because he's positive it's his. I know for a fact she's been with others. She has used violence, threats, phony suicide attempts, and her kids to try and keep him. My life has been a nightmare!
Now they both moved 70 miles away. He has always told me he still loves me and has gone from I want to be with you to I love her and we can't ever be together. Right now I am in sort of Plan A/B. He does still call but I don't often take his calls. Don't know if it's a good idea or not. I did write him 2 letters, 1 was very personal, not mushy though, and the other I sort of told him off. Said he'd write back but then didn't. Said he didn't know what to say.
I've heard from other people that he said he never loved me and she is the love of his life. Then I'll find one of his old letters and my heart breaks of all the love that was there.
Please, please, please anyone what should I do?
He was also my best friend. Was even before we were together as a couple.
I know she is only using him and doesn't really love him. She is nasty. Even did hard drugs for awhile while pregnant. She even tried to be my friend and acted like she cared. Right. Now that that baby is in the picture do I even have a chance? We were trying for a child of our own until she came along.
Please help!

I'm replying to you to let you know that I care about you. There are those here with similar experiences, but I'm not one of them. I really don't know what to tell you except that if this woman really is as bad as you say, he will tire of her before long. I'd imagine that she's scared to death of you right now - you are the one thing that can bust up her little plan. Let her do the love busting, and you start working on making YOU the best person you can be.

With or Without Him!

Welcome to marriagebuilders. As you read more here, and post, you will see that WS's all go through some strange things. Right now he is addicted to her and won't listen to you. But it does not sound like it will last.

The best thing for you is to start in Plan A. Read about it here. Also take care of yourself and make some changes. You will be miserable at first, but it does get better.

Thanks for your encouragement. OW is awful. I don't know of anyone who thinks anything good about her. Can't understand what anyone can see in her either. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> It helps to know there are other people out there that care. I didn't take SO's latest phone call. I never know what to say.
Plan A does sound like a good way to start.

My dear, you need to start taking his phone calls. First read all about Plan A, so that you have it firmly in your mind not to lovebust or make disrespectful judgements.

The one thing that makes everything worse is making unkind comments about the OW. Even though you think it is true, do not say anything negative about her. Do not even discuss her.

As you read more here you will see they all do and say the exact same things. That will help you not to take all of this so personally. Just realize that he is temporarily addicted and will act like an addict.

Dear C,

Welcome to MB. I am sorry for this situation you have been forced into but please consider these few points.

Your scenario is one where there was no marital commmitment right? If so, as hard as it maybe to hear, your moving on with your life without your SO s/b the best thing for you right now. You see, you don't want him back as he is do you? His babbling fogtalk and the OW and you are both buying into it, thus enabling this A.

There have been several in the past who have come to MB in a similar state. You have the opportunity to start fresh with a lot less at stake than most here. Take advantage of that opportunity. If your SO can clean up his life and make himself a worthy person in your life, regain your trust and show you that you are valauble in his , then maybe and only then should you consider letting him back into your life.

If you choose to wait, then you may be doing that for a while. The OW sounds terrible but not that is NOT enough for him to stop. He is deaded for disaster and if you enable the A, you will be pulled right along with it.

Take a look at the stories here, many don't have the choice just to up and leave. Family obligations and the like make that a difficult choice so they have to work it out using other options until that is the last choice.

Please read the concepts section above and the book his needs/her needs. You have a chance to cut your losses and make a better life for yourself. That could include your SO or not....right now that choice is yours.

all the best,
L.

I most definitely have recognized my part in the A. I have done major LB's. I don't know what to do now. It seems all hope is lost. The fact that
he is still calling me I guess means something.
He talked about us still having a child but now that OW is PG what kind of a chance do I have?
I love him so much. She is awful <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Does the fog ever lift even in the darkest of situations?