Hello, I am divorced SWF, 35 yrs of age, engaged to 59 yr old divorced SWM. I have been married before and came across this site by accident while trying to find out information/help with my current relationship. This is a very good site with a lot of valuable info. It has answered a lot of things I questioned when I was married the first time. I was looking for info. because I want to determine if this is a problem I need to deal with or move on. I think there's a quote about far better to call off the wedding than get divorced and I certainly believe that. I want my second marriage to be my final marriage. I want it to last but I realized I have concerns now so I'd better look into them and deal with them now.

My 59 sweetheart is a great guy and we get along really well but... he can act like a 15 year old sometimes. I know we can all act pretty immature at times. However, there have been a few incidents lately where I walked away feeling embarrassed for him and myself and very upset. To some they may seem trivial but I was very concerned and red-faced. I need to know if this is my problem or his or both. I'm almost too embarrassed to ask anyone about it because when I did mention these things to him he got very defensive, said I was criticizing him and I was over reacting. I don't feel comfortable asking my friends because they don't like the idea of me being engaged to someone 24 yrs. my senior. I know they would take this opportunity to tell me to get out now. I don't think that is the kind of advice I need. Its certainly not what I want to hear but if I have to hear it I'd rather have it from someone not so closely involved.

Yes, I do love him very much but I if I question his behavior now it most likely will cause problems in the future. I know that. And I wonder if I love him as much as I should if I have issues now?

Okay, here we go. The first incident was when we were in a fast food restaurant. The fries were luke warm. He picked one up and put it in his mouth and then pulled it out and threw it on the floor and commented on how nasty they were. I didn't know what to do I was so shocked by this! Come on now, that is immature behavior for a 20 year old, let alone someone my age or his. I responded by giving him a very shocked and strange look and said, "Instead of throwing it on the floor like a little kid having a tantrum, why don't you just go ask for a new order?" He gave me a hard, cold look and then when we finished he threw it away. Later I asked him why he did that and he said I was overreacting and besides it gave them something to do - cleaning up.

Another time we were in a SAM's club and we got a sample of creme puffs. He said he really liked them so he went and got an entire box. It was really large. He opened it up and started eating out of it and I just ignored that. I've been guilty of opening a bottle of pop before I BOUGHT it so it was no big deal to me. However, what was a big deal was that as we were finishing up our shopping he suddenly put the box down and said he didn't like them after all. I was again shocked and said we still needed to buy them since he had opened them and I attempted to go after the box. He grabbed my arm and said not to make a scene and it was no big deal. They gave out samples anyway and if he wasn't happy with the product than why should he buy it? I tried to explain, which I know darn well and good he knows, that is was the equivalent of stealing. Again he blew me off like I was overreacting.

We walked into a movie theater and usually there is someone right there inside the doors to take the tickets after you purchase them. That evening, however, they must have been short staffed because no one was there. I went through and then I heard him say, "Aren't they taking the tickets? Is that fat chick taking them?" It was really loud and I'm pretty sure the woman he was refering to heard him because she jerked her head around and glared at me! I was mortified and felt just terrible for the woman but I kept my composure and didn't say a thing. I was hoping if I ignored the behavior, didn't react to it, like a kid he wouldn't get the reaction he may have wanted and it would stop. He just kept on going. I kept on ignoring it but secretly hoped the woman would come over and clobber him. What a jerk he was being. How cruel and rude!

He finished a Pepsi one afternoon at my house as he was walking out of the garage. Instead of throwing it in the trash, he tossed it in the back of my truck. I jokingly said, "very funny, now please pick that up and throw it away". He smiled and walked away. I left it there and every time he got in my truck I sweetly asked him if he had thrown it away. After the third time he got upset and said I was being stupid to which I said how would he like it if I threw my trash in his truck - his baby. He grudingly said he was sorry and he wouldn't do that again.

Last exmaple. We were pulling into our neighborhood - we both have houses in the same complex - and a neighbor's car was slightly blocking his driveway. He could still pull into his driveway but the other car's bumper was definitely blocking part of it. He made a comment about those hilljacks and I said I would get out and ask the guy to move it and we could still pull in. I even went on to say he probably had his kid park it and didn't realize the back bumper was sticking out, didn't know the size of his car, etc. Instead he said no and pulled forward, squealing his tires. This got the neighbor's attention. Then he reversed and squealed his tires again and then reved his engine and flew into the driveway purposely coming very close to other guy's car. I finally just let it out and sarcastically said how really mature and helpful that move was and why are you acting like a teenager and that it was no big deal. He went on to say that he pays $$$$ a month for his mortgage and it was blocking his access to his property and that guy should have more respect, etc. I told him he was being ridiculous. He simply parked his truck and got out and asked me if I was done.

Later on I tried to talk to him about his temper and his actions and made the mistake of telling him I was embarrassed by his actions and embarrassed for him. Not good. He immediately got on the defensive and said if I was so embarrassed by his behavior, it wasn't real love and I should move on. I told him he was over reacting and that it had nothing to do with love. His actions were totally inappropriate for someone his age or my age or really any age. (At this point he loves to bring up that I must have issues with our age difference. Who is the younger person here? I roll my eyes.) He said if I couldn't handle it then I needed to move on. I calmly said he was right, I couldn't handle his behavior and I may just move on IF we couldn't discuss this like adults and work this out. He said it was my problem and I was too concerned about what other people thought and I was the one with too many issues. I said he could be right and I'd sleep on it.

The next day I got online and started looking for info. on behavior and counseling and relationships looking for a sign, if you will. Was this my problem or his or both? Am I overreacting? I am entitled to how I feel and I told him that and asked why I couldn't at least express this without him getting on the defensive. What is he really saying to me about himself with his "mini-threat" about moving on? Is he really that insecure? He sure doesn't come across that way. He often times acts like Mr. Stud - the way an 18 year old would act. He is my Mr. Studly but I love that about him but does that have to include his immature behavior as well?

At first I was fearful that his behavior was "controling" but after reading some of the great info. in this site, I let that go. It isn't control. I then read the part about annoying habits and wonder if this falls under them or if there is more to it. I want to make this work but I never know when he is going to be in what I dub his "moods" and act up. Most of the time he doesn't do silly stuff like this but every once in a while he does and I keep asking myself just how much more of this will I tolerate? Should I tolerate?

I understand he is from a totally different generation. He has lived and served during a horrible war and has come out relatively unharmed by it but this just throws me. After all he's been through - loosing his parents at an early age to a horrible car accident, loosing his grandparents after that, living through Nam and 1 failed marriage, you'd think he'd act a little more mature.

Am I overreacting? Should I try to be a little more understanding? Or should I realize he is set in his way and isn't going to change? I can see that he does try. Maybe I shouldn't even bring these incidents up but I can't help the way I feel and they embarrass me.

Thanks for listening! Any advice is most appreciated.

Indy, this is something that would concern me terribly because it indicates a distinct pattern of immaturity that emcompasses thoughtlessness and dishonesty that he refuses to acknowledge. Do you know what caused his last divorce? What are his other relationships like?

<small>[ April 12, 2004, 07:06 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

Wow! Thanks for replying so quickly! I was afraid it was too long and no one would even skim it. He says his last marriage ended because she wanted him to get a job where he was at home every night. He is a trucker and he says that soon after his daughter was born she insisted that he get a job where he would be "at home, every night in her bed". First he said he wouldn't oblige because the money was good and it was the only way they could afford for her to stay at home with the child. Later he said part of it was his selfishness because the money was good and he didn't think he would find a day job that paid as well.

Indy68

I see some red flags, just as you do. Suggestion... purchase a copy of His Needs/Her Needs, read it, and then see if your fiance will read it and fill out the EN Questionairre.

I am fairly sure you have a good idea what his reaction will be to this process. When you are done with discussing the matter of the questionairre, come back here and read your first post. I think you will have your answer then.

Best wishes

SD

Oh, I got so excited I forgot to answer the last question. He says all his past girlfriends to include his ex-wife (38) were all young, he has alway prefered younger women and he has never fallen in love until he met me. I understand from what he has said they were all young, beautiful women. He said he came close to asking another woman to marry him a few years back but she was transfered to FL. He said she asked him to follow her but he wanted to be close to his child (but she lives in WI - mother moved there with current husband), he couldn't get transfered with his job and he didn't want to leave Indiana.

Oh, I got so excited I forgot to answer the last question. He says all his past girlfriends to include his ex-wife (38) were all young, he has alway prefered younger women and he has never fallen in love (again, enough to marry someone) until he met me. I understand from what he has said they were all young, extremely beautiful women. He said he came close to asking another woman to marry him a few years back but she was transfered to FL. He said she asked him to follow her but he wanted to be close to his child (but she lives in WI - mother moved there with current husband), he couldn't get transfered with his job and he didn't want to leave Indiana; he'd just bought a house.

If you mean current relationships, I can't really say. He has no family near by that I know of, calls himself a loner, refers to some of his biker buddys as his "low, life friends" but states that jokingly. I've never been around when he has called his daughter or the child has called him. He says the last time he saw her/spoke to her was for one day at Christmas time but I was away in FL visiting my parents. The only pictures he has of the child are when she was about 4 years old.

He can be or come across as very stand-offish and rather cold but I have seen him lighten up and smile when he's around me, my dogs run up to him, my sister and husband, my nieces, even my parents. (They don't know his real age. When I first met him he told me he was 47 but after much questioning he came clean and admitted his real age. I never told my family his true age. They aren't crazy about this relationship.)

While we were vacationing in FL he made a call to the only person I've ever heard him talk fondly of (other than his daughter) and that was a guy who he served with during Nam and he felt was like a brother to him. He found out the guy had been killed while working as a fire fighter a few months back. He cried for a few minutes and I left him alone after I gave him a hug. He came back inside after a while and asked me to hold him but later he said that was enough of that and we went to dinner. I've asked about him a few times and he responds but then he moves on to another topic.

Indy, at the very least I would take it very slowly. It doesn't sound like he is very good at maintaining relationships and I suspect we know why. If he truly is immature and childish, he is not likely to change at this late date.

A longer courtship would give you a better feel for his personality so you could determine if you can live with those particular personality flaws. It sure would be nice if you could talk to his ex-wife. Any chance of that?

Hi Indy,

Welcome to MB.

When I started reading your post,I immediately remembered an old boyfriend I had with similar traits.I believed at the time that it was due to unresolved anger he had built up within himself from several family issues. So anything that was unacceptable to him was ultimately wrought upon the closest bystander that wasn't me.It was embarrassing at the time.But it also sounds as though this man has some issues with basic respect and courtesy toward others.

Just how long have you been seeing this man before you got engaged? How does he act around your parents and family?

Also,if your fiance isn't currently willing to discuss these issues with you calmly,I highly doubt being married will make any difference so it is good that you are exploring this now and trying to solve the problem(s).It could be big enough to make you reconsider marriage to this man.

O

I agree with Octobergirl, he seems to lash out at the person closest to him when irritated, rather than dealing with the anger. I suspect that anger would directed towards you eventually.

the third time he got upset and said I was being stupid

the third time he got upset and said I was being stupid

the third time he got upset and said I was being stupid

Well to me dating is ALL about deciding what YOU find acceptable in another person...and deciding what you find acceptable in your universe....

There is no discussing this ...
there is no working on this....
this is who he is...and he is entitled to be who and what he chooses.....

you can't control him
you can't change him ever ever ever...

marry him and HOPE this changes
marry him and HOPE he acts differently...
marry him and HOPE he not be like this..

and it will be a recipe for disaster...
the good news is that in dating....you don't have to turn this in to a big deal...

you don't have to confront him or educate him...

you just speak your peace...

This will not change in him....he has no desire to change any of it...
this will not get better or go away...
THIS is who he is and does...
which is not your fault...

I would not marry him if i were you....
this is not something that will go away...
or something you can change...
this is what your life will become...

you are dating and he called you stupid..
you are dating and he turns your concerns in to statements that you don't love him... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

you powerstruggle with him and it is futile...
as you should be learning with each incident...
and have yet to see where he shows any insite in to his actions...

sorry but I would walk away before I walk down the aisle with him...

ark

Dear Indy - I would think long and hard about this, how long have you known him? Maybe his true character is peeping out at those embarassing incidents, he can only hide it for so long and that is his true character showing. Do you have any children? How does he treat them? Do they witness any of this behaviour? Keep posting - Sandy

Quote:
This will not change in him....he has no desire to change any of it...
this will not get better or go away...
THIS is who he is and does...
which is not your fault...

I would not marry him if i were you....
this is not something that will go away...
or something you can change...
this is what your life will become...

you are dating and he called you stupid..
you are dating and he turns your concerns in to statements that you don't love him...

you powerstruggle with him and it is futile...
as you should be learning with each incident...
and have yet to see where he shows any insite in to his actions...

sorry but I would walk away before I walk down the aisle with him...

ark
__________________________________________________

Ark is correct. If you marry him you WILL be
making a big mistake. Men like that SLOWLY and GRADUALLY keep beating the woman down emotionally until her self esteem is zero. He already has you asking yourself if you are "overreacting" or if it is you. That is how it starts. Slowly,bit by bit. Hardly noticeable until you have had enough, and then look back and ask yourself what happened to ME?


quote:
He just kept on going. I kept on ignoring it but secretly hoped the woman would come over and clobber him. What a jerk he was being. How cruel and rude!
__________________________________________________

You are right. He was being a jerk and he was being cruel and rude.

I have heard many a "nice guy" ask the question of "why do women want to be with jerks?"....

The red flags that you see and feel are REAL.

Here is your best chance to get him to change...

Back off from him and tell him you are not sure
what YOU want and need some time to think. The best way to get a man to change his behavior is not in "trying to talk it out with him", but in pulling AWAY from him and letting him come to you.

For examples of men who change their behavior when a woman pulls away, please read the threads of almost every male BS on this site, and see WHAT and WHEN they finally woke up and realized they were not meeting needs correctly. It wasn't while the wife tried talking about it to him, but it is almost ALWAYS when she pulled away and he had thought he lost her. It is not by accident that it happens that way...

Good luck

Thanks to everyone for the replies. I got a chance to look at one or two replies before I logged off last night. I remember a college friend saying that most times if you (meaning me) question something, there's a legitimate reason or by the time you (me) go to look for answers from others I already knew what the answer was I just didn't trust myself enough. Looks like she was right. I don't want to seem negative but I am pretty sure of the outcome. I need to remind myself I am too smart and have been through too much in the past 2 years (since my last divorce) to go through that again. We are supposed to talk about it this evening after I get home. Should be interesting to see how this goes. I'm scared because if he reacts negatively I get nervous and loose my train of thought. (That happens with anyone.) I'm trying to put my thoughts in order now so I don't get confused and get easily taken off track.

Just out of curiousity, did any men reply to my message? I would be interested to see a man's point of view on this. I keep wondering if a man would feel the same way about his actions. I keep thinking maybe its just a male ego thing? (AND NO, I'M NOT FISHING FOR THE NEXT CATCH! After this I'm taking a "sabatical" from men!) I just want a man's point of view that is unbiased.

To answer some of the questions. Yes, I will reply but will give it a few days to see how things go.

All I know about the ex-wife is her first name so I doubt I could ever talk to her. Not so sure I really want to. Ironically, with my first marriage, I did happen to speak to the ex-wife and mistook her anger as good reason why my ex and her split. Now, I understand where she was coming from! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

We have known each other on and off since about July. We're neighbors. I'll explain. I ride a MC and he does to. He saw me out one day and flagged me down and suggested we ride around together so he could see how well I ride. We went for a short ride and had lunch. Nothing really came of it. It was just two neighbors riding together. Then at the end of Oct. or first of Nov. he suggested we go out and asked me what I wanted to do. I love to ride so I suggested we go to Brown County together and spend the day. That first "date", if you will, wasn't a great start. He decided some cars in front of use were going too slow so he whipped around them and took off. I figured once he realized I was not about to pass 2 cars on a hilly two lane road doing over 65mph the speed limit was 45 and these cars were doing about 50 - he would slow down or pull over and wait for me. He didn't. I finally thought "screw you, buddy, I'll find my own way home" and stopped to get gas and just chill since I was a little miffed about being left behind. About 10 minutes later he came riding up and asked me what happened. I explained I didn't feel comfortable passing those cars and he just shrugged his shoulders. He knew I was upset. He stayed with me the rest of the day and it ended up being an overall good day. I wasn't so sure I wanted to keep seeing him but I did and things just kept getting better from there. He really builds me up and compliments me and, well, it sounds lame, but makes me feel good about myself. I feel pretty good about myself most of the time but he just made it even better. However, I will admit I was totally thrown when he started discussing marriage at what seemed to me very soon in our relationship. He proposed to me at the end of February. I was a little nervous but I thought I had dated and lived with my ex for over 2 years and it still didn't work and I was just being skiddish - once bitten, twice shy sort of thinking.

I will also admit my sister said he didn't make a good impression the first time they met but her reasons were a bit silly and she admitted that so I let it go. Her husband didn't say much but admitted he like the last boyfriend better but couldn't explain why. Since then, though, they have enjoyed his company. Nothing else has been said. My parents haven't said one thing one way or another but my dad kept saying I thought you wanted to move. (He just wants me to move to FL so mom will quit complaining about moving back home to IN. I am still considering it especially if this doesn't work out. Now would be the time to do it!) I'm pretty sure, though, that mom is on to him about his age. She's asked some pretty funny questions.

I have no children - except my 4-legged "babies" and my bird and he treats them well.

I think that covers everything.

think about writing down everything you want to discuss and keeping it close by = refer to it if you have to so you don;t forget something or if he tries to get you off track - let us know how everything goes - sandy

Indy-
Please stop doubting yourself and your feelings. There are so many red flags with this guy's behavior...you have the advantage of finding this out NOW versus after already being married to him.

One of my favorite sayings is "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time". This guy is testing you to see what your limit is in accepting his behavior. He has shown you who he is. Please believe him.

Everyone has pretty much said everything I wanted to say to you, Indy. Except for this: People usually show their best behavior during the "dating" phase. It usually only gets worse, or goes downhill once the ring goes on. If this is his BEST behavior, you'd better believe your life will be a living HELL after you M!

I see lots of controllng or emotionally abusive actions that might lead to more severe abuse down the road a few years.

Please think long and hard about this guy. I think you could certainly do MUCH better than this. It's almost like you are "settling" b/c you dont' think you might find anyone else? I'd hate to think that.

Take care,
God Bless,

Indy68

I see some red flags, just as you do. Suggestion... purchase a copy of His Needs/Her Needs, read it, and then see if your fiance will read it and fill out the EN Questionairre.

I am fairly sure you have a good idea what his reaction will be to this process. When you are done with discussing the matter of the questionairre, come back here and read your first post. I think you will have your answer then.

Best wishes

SD


This response is from a BH. betrayed husband

Hello,

First, I want to say that I realized after I sent my first post that I put this in the wrong category but no one pointed that out so I guess it's okay. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Second, thanks again to all you responded.

We had our talk last night and I'm a little surprised. The night before I tried to get him to talk but he had outpatient surgery and his initial response was "okay, okay, don't make a big deal out of it..." to which I said I wouldn't but he had to admit his behavior had been rather childish and immature. He said, "Okay, whatever...look, I don't feel good right now...we'll talk about it before the weekend..." I thought for sure it would never happen because I had heard those same responses from my ex-husband and it never happened. Than last night I came home from work and asked again if we could talk. He said sure and turned the T.V off and I started. He interupted at first and wanted to get his two cents in but then he let me talk. He said he hated being in a relationship where a woman would keep bringing things up from the past. He said, "Where they go, 'on March 21st you did this and then on June 16th you said this'..." He said that sort of talk drove him crazy and he didn't want me to do it. He wanted me to drop it. I said I would drop if AFTER I felt we had resolved the problem. I agreed it was annoying but I was bringing up all this stuff again because it bothered me and why would you or anyone else just accept something if it bothered you. Wouldn't you want to know what was really going on? If you had questions, wouldn't you want answers? Would you just remain in the dark? He agreed but then as I started talking he started walking around fiddling with things like papers and wiping off the counter. I stopped again and said I wanted him to sit down and focus on what I was saying and talk to me. He sat down.

I then went over all those incidents and said again that even though I was embarrassed it didn't mean I didn't love him. I was just concerned that over time things would change. I didn't want to be at a stage in our relationship where he wasn't feeling too great about us or wasn't happy with something and then take that out on me. His first response was that if I couldn't handle his behavior then it wasn't going to work and we needed to call it quits. I asked if that was really what he wanted and he said no. He then added if I was so scared of him that it wouldn't work either. Again I said if he felt this way then maybe we should go our separate ways. I could tell he was frustrated and he shook his head again and said it wasn't what he wanted but that it appeared it was what I wanted. I told him to stop that. If it was what I wanted then why would I spend time trying to talk to him and work this out. I said I needed him to admit his behavior wasn't appropriate and tell me where it was coming from and why he did it. He admitted again that his behavior was nasty but said he was pretty sure that fat girl didn't hear him and still contended that he should have clear access to his driveway. I just looked at him in utter disbelief. He is something else! I asked him if he could hear himself? I said that he could still get in his driveway and he wanted to drop the issue. He said, "the next time, I'll just park across the street or somewhere else..." I asked why when all he had to do was politely ask the guy to move his car. He said he would never do that because it was rude. I asked how could it be rude to ask someone to move something that was legitimately blocking your way or access to your home? That didn't make sense! He was getting really irritated and kept saying, "okay, just drop it..." It tried not to but I laughed at him and said that was the silliest thing I'd ever heard! Just ask the guy to move his car! He said okay again but I'm not sure if he just wanted to move on or agreed with me. I still don't understand this one?

He never did say where his emotions were coming from either. He said he just did it and he was sure he wasn't the only guy out there doing stuff like that. I came back with I didn't care what other men did, I cared what my man did. I wanted my man to act in a mature, respectful way towards others and their things and if he couldn't do that then I had every right to move on and find someone who could. He was still a little irritated but said he would try to be more aware if that was what I wanted. I said it was what I wanted but it wouldn't work if he didn't want it to. "Over time", I said, "you're just going to do the same things again..." He said all he could do was try. Fair enough. Like one person said, its HIS decision and choice.

I looked him in the eye and said, "You are scared of loosing me, aren't you? He denied it and I said, "Oh, really....?" I then said, "I think you're not as tough as you act. I think you're actually a bit insecure especially when it comes to relationships". He said he was not insecure at all. I aksed him what had been done to him over the years? Was he still bitter and angry inside because of what his ex-wife did, because he didn't get a chance to finish his education and didn't think it was fair, because his parents died when they did? What was it? Where is this anger and frustation coming from? I added, "You know, sometimes I think you lash out at others before they get a chance to lash out at you. Not that the person you target would actually do it, its just a game you play". He sort of laughed and said that was nonsense. I said oh well it was just a thought.

I noticed as I talked and kept saying I had a right to my feelings, and he did too, he would sort of look at me and fidget. I explained I was not going to be in a relationship where I did all the nuturing and giving because regardless of how much I love him, I have learned I don't have to put up with his antics and issues. I am not here to continually help someone else out with their problems. I watched him as I would say these things and he would get quiet for a few minutes. Not sure if he was agreeing or just mulling it over in his head. As we talked I also noticed he calmed down more, his body got less tense but he kept saying we needed to drop it now that it was discussed.

I was stubborn, I just kept on talking. Not until I was satisfied and I told him so. I think he realized it because he dropped his shoulders. I asked again where this was coming from and tried to give examples of my own problems and where they stemmed from, but he wouldn't go there. I said that was fine but maybe this was something he needed to think about on his own and come to terms with. He just dropped his head and said alright.

I felt like I had said all I needed to say and that, to be fair, that was enough for one night. At least he agreed to talk to me and tried to give input. For him, this was trying.

I hope things will get better. They will probably be okay for a while and then it will happen again. I admit, I love the man and I don't want to let go so half the struggle is mine. (Yes, I know this is called co-dependency.) I should probably just walk away but I'm not ready so, I'll wait 'til I'm ready.

Thanks for listening!

Hello, just reading through some of these replies and have a question. Where do I go to understand what some of these abbreviations mean? I have figured out BS is betrayed spouse but what does "OW" mean? "WH" ? Just need some education on internet jargon.

Thanks!

Indy, I have a few friends that served in nam and they all act like this.

They are fearless.
They have NO inhibitions.
They think everyone owes them, and they are right about that.
They are loyal to a fault to thoses they care about.
They test people to see if they are worthy of their friendship.

Let me explain that last one. This is how I met one of my friends that served in nam. I walk into a bar with some friends to have a beer. This drunk guy walks up to me, so drunk he can hardly stand. He sticks his finger in my chest and says to me, "You ain`t sh*t unless you have a red number 1 on your shoulder" (the first infantry division) I said to him "you touch me again and i`ll take your head off and hand it to ya"

With that comment he winds up and takes a swing at me. He was so drunk it was like slow motion so I knock him on his butt and ask him if he has any more opinions. He says you are alright let me buy you a beer. We have been friends ever since.

I asked him once why he was such an [censored] to most people. He told me that once you have bullets flying all around you and watch your buddies die. You realise that nothing matters and they never cared about you so why should you care about them. That game ain`t worth it becuase it doesn`t matter. Most people are not even worth knowing. So why be nice to them, just tell it like it is.

Hope this helps you Indy.