UGH! We have been doing soooooo well! I mean I feel like we are teenagers in LOVE again! The feelings are really there! We had a great day yesterday and everything is going so well!

So why am I so paranoid!

yesterday as I was leaving to go out, H was coming home. I was only home for about 5 minutes to grab something then head out again. H drove up as I was heading out. We engaged in conversation thru his window then next thing I know we are in bed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> It was great! He was able to keep it up and he said it was really nice and he had a good time. So did I.

So why am I so paranoid!

We then went our seperate ways as I had to pick up the kids and he had to run a few errands. He had called in some Levitra the day before(drug similar to Viagra, but works longer and better) against my better judgement as I would rather him NOT take anything...But he insisted it was for ME, he can go longer on it therefore giiving me the chance to have O. So he says he was going to pick it up and go run a few errands. He gets home and says he picked up 20 pills...THEN this morning as Iwas getting DS8's medication out, I saw the Levitra and the cap was off of it a bit. I opened it and there were only 19 pills in it! So immediately all these thoughts go thru my head. I called him and he could tell sometuhing was wrong. I tried to sound cheery but he kept saying.."what is wrong, are you ok"

So finally after awhile he called back and I asked him "did you take a levitra" he laughed and said no that he was trying to cut one in half and it flew across the room. I told him what I thought and he said NO< NO...he said "man you are good, your counting the pills <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Well, that made me feel much better...but I am stil depresed. I just now talked to him, he was rounding at THE nursing home today, she was not there and I asked him all these questions. he said "oh stop, your having a bad day...just let me get home so I can calm you down"...that made me feel good too. We counsil with SH today and he is looking forward to it I know.

So why am I so paranoid?

He has been so wonderful for the past week. I can really see my H returning. He says the feeling's are coming back and that he is NOT faking it. I felt so great yesterday after our successful romantic encounter. And now today I feel so blah! I just want to hold him..so are these normal for a BS to go thru? I guess this is what they mean by the roller coaster ride. Both of our feelings will go up and down?

So why am I so paranoid?

Hmmm. If he wasn't going to take one, why was he cutting on in half? That just makes no sense.

Hi believer! He said when he got home with them that they are 20mg tablets...they were $180, I just about flipped at that. So he said that he might be able to cut them in half, therefore making them last longer. So he said he was "just seeing" if he could cut it in half. I think had he really wanted to take one, he would have taken anohter one out of the bottle...right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I'm not a BS so i cannot relate to how you are feeling but i would say RELAX!!! i would have to think it is normal to feel paranoid, look at all you have gone thru!!! and it is fine that you did the pill counting thing and then asked him why one was missing. it does not seem like it bothered H at all that you asked, that is a good sign, don't ya think??

keep breathing, stay calm, let your H help, he told you that is what he wanted to do, get home and calm you down.

YOU ARE GOING TO BE OK!!!! keep the faith.

They are very expensive. So I would think that if he tried to cut one in half (doubtful) that he would save the pieces. The claim that it flew across the room sounds phony - did he leave it for the kids to get? Throw it away? I think he took it.

Course pay no attention to me, after what I've been through I don't trust and am very paranoid. But for you, time will tell.

believer, i was going to post the same thing... don't listen to me, what do i know, i am a WS!!

Try not to freak too bad. You have a right to be paranoid - finding a missing Levitra the same day he's making rounds at THE nursing home... I'd be flipping out, too.

FWIW my H got some Viagra and the dosage is 1/2 tablet. You *do* have to cut those in half.

You did good to ask him, sounds like he responded okay. This is the part about you both being honest and communicating, and him earning your trust back. Keep doing what you're doing - keep your eyes open (you know he can backslide, it's early yet) and ask whenever you have a question or concern. Then let/make him earn your trust.

Hi, Mom! Don't beat yourself up over the paranoid feelings. My husband still works with OW and I can go weeks feeling fine and then BOOM out of nowhere paranoid feelings emerge! We have a system where I tell him what is bothering me and he "talks me down". It's been working well for us and it's been over 3 years since d-day. I guess the paranoid feelings we get are some sort of protective instinct that we have that guards us against the painful feelings we endured when we first discovered the infidelity. That's how I explain it for myself.

Mom, my heart goes out to you when I read this. But both you and dad are doing great. It is ok to be paranoid, but don't keep doing it.

M23B,
I'm so glad you are making such wonderful progress. It's nice to see some rewards through all your struggle.

The paranoid feeling... yeah...been there myself recently. It's overwhelming isn't it ? Wait until it happens when he's sitting right NEXT to you.

Remember, this is all still really new....the whole event. Your emotions are charged like never before and a little hard to keep in perspective... remember how hard it was not to LB ?

Same thing here...take one day at a time...seek reassurance if you need it, it sounds like D23B is more than willing to give it to you.

You're doing great !

Mom,
I don't want to be a downer but I have serious reservations about the cutting pill story.

He is concerned about how expensive they are? Where are the 2 broken pieces, or the one that flew across the room?

He is a doctor, he can't cut a pill?

You have 3 young children at home, where is the broken or flying pill?

He did not throw it away, no reason to do that even if it was broken or flying...

The pill is missing on the same day he goes to OW's nursing home? He says she is not working that day? Who says, him, her or the staff who is encouraging the affair? Any of the above people are not to be trusted.

Sorry, but I see BIG HUGE RED FLAGS!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

mom - Here I am again. Yes, I am a BS and very cynical. But the problem for me is where are the pieces of the pill? I checked out the Levitra site and the pills are not meant to be cut in half.

However 20 mg. is a high dose and maybe your WH thought he would save money by getting them and cutting them in half. However I would want to see both halves in the trash or somewhere.

I don't think it is a good sign that OW was not at the NH. That means she was at home, and ready to do it.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Oh boy...what a day this has been! OK, here is the story! I KNOW for a fact that H was NOT with OW today at all! He was at his clinic. I know that for a fact! He called me several times from the clinic and it registered on caller ID. I also called the clinic and he was there. he called me as he was leaving clinic, then arriving at NH to tell me the coast was clear. It took him less than an hour to round with the nurse...which was not OW. Then he called as he was leaving to come home. he was home when he was supposed to be. Then we went to eat lunch and we were coming home to make our 1:00 appt with Steve Harley when we discovered a FLAT TIRE! soooo, H spent 2 hours changing this tire. If you drive a suburban and get a flat tire, dont expect it to take 10 min! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I called SH from my cell phone and he resheduled our appt. However, I did tell SH about my paranoia and he said it was perfectly normal to have these feelings and that my defense mechanism is working properly.

Where is the pill? H showed me how he tried to cut it...and NO why would a DR know how to cut up a pill? He doesn't deal with pills...He doesn't even know how to give a shot..haha...Dr's dont know how to do much except the diagnoses part. LOL..anyway, he showed me how he tried to cut it, with a knife, and it slipped and sent the pill UNBROKEN flying across the room..he tried to look for it, but couldn't find it. I tried to look for it and couldn't find it. who knows, the dog could have gotten it. I dont know. I am still looking for it and yes, I was extremely weary of all this. But after we went to lunch and talked a lot, I realized I was just being silly!

SH also said that H needs to realize that we both will have good days and bad days...H was very understanding about this and knows it will take time. Thanks for all your feedback!

Mom, I just wanted to tell you how happy I am for you and D2. You both have really come a long way. I'm continuing to hope you both continue in a positive direction on the recovery journey. CV

Mom,
Sorry if I upset you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I did not mean that doctors spend time cutting up pills, just being a bit sarcastic...

Is your dog a male? Do you know where he is now?

Did you read the story where 4 boys in England got some male enhancement pills from one of their fathers and they all took one at school? It sounds funny, but it was very serious, they had a "problem" for hours and had to be taken to the emergency room.

Anyway, I was alarmed for various reasons, even if the pill did go flying, he sould have looked until he found it NO MATTER how long it took. For heavens sake, he keeps telling us what a great doctor he is, he KNOWS that it could be dangerous to kids or pets...

Do check on the dog again, by the way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

mom -

Big red flags for me. I cannot believe that a physician would not find the pill. This could be a danger to your kids. I think he either took it already, or has it. Sorry to be such a downer, but this just doesn't make sense.

BTW - Does the dog have a hard-on?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Believer, i guess we were posting at the same time and picturing that poor dog! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

OMG, you guys have me rolling on the floor right now! Thanks, I needed that. Ladysing, of course your post did not upset me at all. it is only reality...Believe me, I was extremely weary about all of this.

We have four FEMALE dogs. Two of them were throwing up all night. I found one dog throwing up a twix wrapper and the other one was throwing up a carrot <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Yes, I do agree that the good DR shold have looked for that pill, or had me look for it with him. Maybe he was embarrassed. I still dont know. I know this sounds so far fetched...But I have to believe him. SH warned me today not to be TOO Paranoid or I will scare him and he will go flying! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />