Thank goodness you said, sory to all the $HIT out there ,, cause I thoguht you where pretty terriable to put them in such a LOW catigory .LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

JustJ I didn't ask for this hurt or pain but now I have to deal with it, sometimes it's good to get it out. It's like a wound that if it goes untreated it festers. If I hold all this anger inside and don't do something with it I'll hold on to it, I know this is a character flaw in me but I do what I have to do for me. If I get rid of anger by venting and posting inapropriate thing and I feel better and not so angry then I think this helps me. If I offended any WS or OP out there I'm truely sorry, it's just a pin to pop the infected wound.

JUST J , I ubderstand your feeling on this, but what needs to be understood is no 2 people are alike .

Where you may feel this waters the anger others may feel it as reless ,,, a vent to get it off there chest .

Like crying when cut ,, it does no use but you may get it out and it comforts you .

I can understand that this may hurt some OW/OM but in the same tone there are alot of HURT BS and they need to find the humor in the vent sometimes .

WE all go through stages and forgiving OW/OM may never come , or it may .

That is up to no one but the BS and how they choose to deal with what they where dealt .

I hate OW , always will , one may say that will stop my progress , I will say no .

I can be angree, I can be mean that is up to me .

Just j, at this point in my life, I have no feelings for the OW. She's not worth the effort. I just don't want her to ever enter back into my or WH life.

At first, I was EXTREMELY angry with her and with my WH. I'd never call her a name to her face or call her something nasty to WS. But I did call her isab!ch, skank, etc. to my close friend. I was thrown into a situation I'd never thought I'd be in. So if thinking she was lower than bottom scum helped me get thru that period in life, then that's what I did. And I'm not sorry for having those feelings at that time. OW and WH weren't even thinking of MY feelings prior to d-day. So, just j, I'm sorry you're an OW.

Before you can forgive you have to acknowledge that something bad has been done to you.

Venting about OP is healthy IMO, to a certain extent and in the right time and place.

This is the right time and place to acknowledge we've been hurt by the OP (not just the WS) and to vent our anger.

We BS's have seen our marriages and families torn apart by selfish WS AND OP. We are the ones who are awake in the middle of the night with a crying child. We are the ones who try to comfort and explain to a child who says things like, "I don't have a dad anymore. When he turns his cell phone off I feel like he's pretending I'm dead." We'd have to be insane to NOT feel angered by what the WS and OP have done.

A former OP had initials LD - LearningDisabled, I decided.

Current OW is named Gina, just add prefix 'Va' and it sums her up IMO.

No - I don't say these things to WH or my children. HERE is the appropriate place for me to vent.

Y'all might want to read this thread, which informs my thoughts about anger and who it hurts.

It's based on a book called Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames, by Nobel Peace Prize nominee Thich Nhat Hanh.

Anger is harmful to the one who is angry, as well as to the objects of that anger. Name-calling, while it may feel good at the time, doesn't comfort the basic problem in one's own soul. That's what I worry about.

Well....what I wanted to do, as a Friday afternoon, tongue in cheek, smart alecky post, to laugh, turned into something else.

I guess, if I was listening to the spiritual side of my beliefs, I would say, one bad deed does not beget another. I would say, that to keep all that anger vented up, is not allowing it to be loosed somewhere else (if you remember the bible verse that says what is loosed on earth, will be loosed in heaven). I would say that I love OW as a fellow human being...a lost, hurting, fellow human being.

And when it all first started, I did strangely feel a great sense of pity and compassion and even good will toward her.

That changed. The day I called her and told her that she just needed to go away, we have children to think of. The day my WH asked her to respect his wishes and stay away for awhile while he tries to figure things out, and she didn't. The way she quite literally preyed on him, on our relationship, on our marriage. The day I had to hold my hurting child in my arms while he cried himself to sleep over his broken family.

God hates divorce. In Malachi it says that. It also says that God does not approve of adultery, lying, breaking a convenant, and a whole lot of other things that are part of the daily interactions of the typical WP. Now, if the God of love, of unconditional love, can vent his feelings of anger and betrayal, I figure I can. If you don't believe that, see the book of Hosea.

It also says, feel your anger, just don't sin.

What this tells me, is these feelings of hurt, of anger, of unforgivness, mean I am in a different place in my healing than someone else. Not wrong, just different. And I need to let them out, maybe laugh a little, process what I am feeling, and ultimately, move on.

And I have to concede that no matter what happens, eventually I will have to forgive them both. Not for them, but for me...so they can no longer have this hold of hurt and anger over my life.

So, again, sorry that something that was supposed to be silly, sarcastic, and venting, was really something that when looked at in another light, is ugly, mean, and unhealthy.

I did not want to have this bigger, deeper, philosophical debate. And I certainly did not want to walk away feeling shame, guilt, and regret. I guess I get enough of that on a daily basis already.

Sorry all.

SOW is perfect for this OW also.

I also call her the VA slut.

I've been so tempted to have some of my guy friends from all over the place put this on the walls in the johns of bars they go to.

SOW - JXXX
Will screw married or unmarried men.
Call ###-###-####

That would be fun!

Actually, I think I'm in a much better place than I was 8 months ago. I have forgiven my WH and I don't think about OW anymore or care about her. She has become nothing to me. I had to work thru my anger. I couldn't stuff it down. I had to move thru it to get to where I am now.

I was not right when I lashed out at WH in anger. I regret doing that to him. I never told OW what I thought at her. I did write one letter stating my feelings about the situation.

But jj, you can have your opinion on the subject. But since you haven't walked in my shoes over this whole mess, you really can't understand what I have been thru or how I need to handle it. My heart was not just broken, but my very soul was shreaded. My very life was distroyed in one moment. I've cried more over the past 8 months, then I have in a lifetime. I need to be able to laugh, now. And if the humor is inappropiate to some, sorry. I've been thru worst than a few bad jokes. I had no self esteem, self-respect, I just wanted to die. I went thru the worst depression I have ever been in.

I do feel for the WS's and the OP here who are looking for answers. I am sorry if this topic hurts you. I have read stuff from WS that hurt, but I read them to learn. I'm sorry you don't like the BS's anger or jokes. But that's the way we really feel for a time. Like I said, I have moved on. I'm not anger any more. I let it go, so I can have a better life. I finally think I've found my way out of the living hell I've resided in.

I don't care if someone else thinks I am lowering myself here, I have done enough in my life that was above and beyond the call of duty, so this probably wouldn't even make me "even"! LOL

I don't feel guilty for referring to OW as:
STOW---which stands for Stereo-Typical-Other-Woman OR STupid OW, if I'm in the mood.

IRL I just refer to her as "OC's mom", since we have a relationship w/ OC. I can't stand to even say her name because:
1)it's an ugly name
2)I don't even want to waste my breathe saying her name
3)nor do I ever want to hear it. It's like nails on a chalkboard.

I think this thread is fine and fun and I don't feel extra angry @ all, it made me laugh to read these, which I believe is quite HEALTHY!

Release the anger and allow it to turn into laughter, how much healthier can you get?

AND you know what? STOW looks like a chipmunk too!(NOT cute and fluffy just GIANT cheeks & funky teeth!)

Let me check.....hmmmmm.....yep, still feel good about myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH

Shay, I'm also the betrayed spouse. My situation is... complicated, to put it mildly. But rest assured that I've walked in your shoes, too... and your shoes are by far the harder to wear.

There is, too, a difference between venting -- expressing your anger -- and disrespect.

This is a vent: "I am FURIOUS. I have NEVER BEEN SO ANGRY IN MY LIFE and I AM IN GREAT PAIN over what has happened. I HURT, I am FRICKING EXHAUSTED BEYOND WORDS, and I'm completely devasted over the awful things that are happening in my life!" (Please note that this could be viewed as an angry outburst. If you need to say this to your spouse, remove the all-caps parts...)

What's been posted here different than that. It's disrespect in the extreme.

Hey, why should you say nice things about someone who disrespected you and destroyed your life? OW in my case called me a b****, dead f***, and told everyone she was going to kick my a**. She comes into my life and I'm the bad guy?
My favorites for her:
Bar W**** - I even call her car the W**** Mobile
Bar S***
Crack W**** - "Everyone" knows this
Crack W**** Bar S***
She picks up men in bars, sleeps with whomever she can, does drugs, leaves her kids home alone, uses everyone, has no job and only cares about herself, and brags about having been a prostitute. Just because WS can't see her for the loser she really is doesn't mean I can't or don't.

jj, if you are both, then you are indeed in a very complicated place. I don't know your story, I hope you can work it out.

I don't see this topic the same as you do. But I have always had a warped sense of humor. I have a need to be able to laugh at what once hurt me. Laughter removes the sting and power for me. I mean no disrepect for anyone.

I do appreciate the WS's who come here. It has to be hard since this board has so many huring BS's. I appreciate the hard work my WH has done on the marriage since d-day. Without his effort I don't think our M would make it.

<small>[ May 07, 2004, 04:02 PM: Message edited by: shay919 ]</small>

"I AM IN GREAT PAIN over what has happened"

"I'm completely devasted over the awful things that are happening in my life"

Oh, as if we were just struck down by a hurricane or something, huh?
No guilty - parties inflicted this pain on us and our children, huh?
It just sort of 'happened'?

Nope - this horrible thing that has been DONE TO us and our children was done BY our WS's AND BY the OP.

As to being disrespectful...
We don't respect adulterers who selfishly and cruelly inflict damage on us and our loved ones. Should we?

REFORMED adulterers (who sound like 2OAK), we respect.

How about we discuss respecting marriage, families, BS's who fight valiantly to save their marriages and keep their families together?

And sometimes those BS's need to indulge in a little OP bashing. Believe it or not, it DOES help to have others acknowledge our feelings and agree with our assessment of the OP. It IS part of the healing process to ackowledge that SOMEBODY has DONE something horrible TO US and our loved ones. It's not the end of the process, where we will choose to dwell forever, but it's the way we feel and there's no point in pretending we respect the OP any more than we really do (or more than they really deserve).

I am feeling very happy lately. Being able to poke fun at the OP is a big improvement for some of us who spent a long time in deep depression.

Christy-

No, no... I'm definitely not a better person! *hug* We're both growing in our own ways, that's all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

CW

Sometimes you just have to laugh.

http://drtalley.com/cartoons.php

I love the fogtalk coming from the goldfish WW. LOL

********closed by Justuss*************