They are not for me, I can fairly read and write on english, they are for my SIL, here is what has happened and how it's affecting me.
First a little background on them. Her H got a lot of money, she doesn't and she doesn't work at all, she was raised with the same education I was, wich was a wrong and very old fashioned, a wife has to stay at home and the H has to be the main bread winner.
They got M with a paper that sayed if they D, he would keep all his money and she wouldn't take any of it. Bad way to start a M in my view but well it was theirs choice. I didn't knew that, just found out about 2 years ago, that was the agreement between them.
By the way things work, we managed to spend time together in their honeymoon, the 4 of us. They were supposed to come back, but got stuck when a disaster striked here and they couldn't come back.
Back then, I adviced her, to work on her M, and that her H had a lot of issues, like his dad was a serial cheater with many OW's, so boviously, it was very bad when you see that as "normal" at home, his mom got along with life always taking pills for depression, and was never good, and also she had to be smart on the money, since she didn't got any, and her H got all, it was a way to manipulate her. Well it was their honeymoon, and the advice was not that well received at the time I guess. Also, his was D, and got the M annuled by church, because it turned out it seems his wife back then was lesbian.
Well this days, they got what you would call the "perfect family" 2 healthy kids, 2 and 1, no finantial problems, she keeps home really good you know all that "seems" to look good.
Her family, has being an issue with the money in my M since I can remember. They have been "always" poor, but still they manage to but expensive clothes, and irrelevant things just for the appariences. Like I said in a previous post, I'm no one to judge that, if it's wrong or right, it's just the way it is, and I know I can not change them, but is affecting us or at least me BIG time.
So to some degree, I have talked to him, H's of SIL, and of course is also affecting him, in SIL and H's family, the only ones who got a fairly stable spot, regarding finances is him and us.
Him because he inherited it, and us, because we work for it. The point is they ask for money, without any good faith on paying it back. I'm not saying I'm not willing to help them, but it's different when people ask you for it, and tell you they can't pay, and a different thing is a loan. Anyway, they (H's and SIL's family) have LBed us big time with that.
2 weeks ago, I recieved a call from H, asking me for the phone number of our lawyer, that her sis was asking for it, because she was going to D her H. What I did, was call SIL and gave her the number of OUR counselor. I'm against D, if you don't try to work and fix your M first.
Then yesterday, I received a call of my counselor asking to talk to us, to help them, I couldn't answer that phone until today, and well our counselor doesn't beat around the bush, she asked me point blank, if I thought her H was bi-sexual???!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . I told her, well I don't know I don't think so, but I might be mistaken you know?.
Also, her H is bi-polar, and not getting along with the tratment the psiquiatrist is giving him apparently, inmature, and holding resentments against her family and her for the money. If that isn't enough...
He went to Mexico, the day before mom's day, and she called him last night trying to find him, and he didn't slept in his room for the night. She asked the bell boy to look in his room. Also, she found out he lied about other trips, he said he was going to one place, and went to others, and also she found some condoms he has not used with her, and if that is not enough, they have not got sex for a full year.
By now, I had my share of red flags, and reading this site to got my eyes fully open on that matter and I think he is having not one A, but several of them.
Last night, when H arrived from Brasil, he told me he had talked to her like never in his life, and he was worried, and also, he offered FS to her. Well I think I LB my H telling him no way on that, that we were going through a hard spot regarding that, and she has to figure her own way. H explained, that first he gave the support regarding what he thought, and if the time comes for her to require FS we would do a POJA on it. I guess I missinterpreted him. Time will tell. But I made fairly clear my point, that I also had it with his family. Anyway, that is a topic I exposed in my counselors date on wednesday, and she is going to help us dealing with it.
And why I'm doing this? Beacuause I have walked this road since last year, I have learned a lot, and I would like to help her, because I care for her, and also, IN LAWS in the last year have been bad to me, no calls, no support no nothing [all besides the other SIL, wich I love and had been great support to me]. Of course I hold a HUGE resentments towards them, but that is something I have to work on, and I know I can forgive that too. But also, since I have walked somehow this path, and I didn't liked they way the behaved, I'm not doing what I didn't like was done to me. I know if it's and A [most likely] among many things, I'm going to follow the Golden Rule on it, and I already know she will need a lot of support. She only has her family, wich is not very great providing that, and got no friends. So I'm looking for the books for her on spanish, and in the meantime, I'm going to try to help her and give as much knowledge as I have received from here regarding A's.
